Abused
by Embyr7
Summary: Cammie's dad is abusive. She's kept her little secret for five years, until one night Zach finds out. He promises to protect her - but what will Zach do when Cammie's taken away from him, with her psychotic dad still looking for her? Miles apart from Zach and wanted by her abusive father, Cammie is lost. Will her father get to her first, or will Zach? AU.
1. Protect Me From the Monsters

I cringed as his foot made contact with my stomach. I was sprawled out on the floor, taking it quietly. I bit my lip so hard that it bled – screaming just made it worse. He grabbed my hair and pulled me off the floor, and glared at me.

"It's _your_ fault your mother's away all the time. Without you, she wouldn't have had to get such a demanding job that takes her away from us!" He spat in my face. He said that as if I didn't miss her too. I wanted my mum to come home, too.

My mum had a job where she was away on business trips all the time. She came home three times a year: Christmas/New Years, my dad's birthday, and one time in the summer.

_Well then why don't you get a better job so that mum wouldn't have to support this whole family? _I thought bitterly in my mind, not daring to say it aloud. My father was an author, and so far he hasn't finished one novel yet. It was pathetic. I wanted to throw back sarcastic remarks and insults at him. But as much as I hated to admit it, my father was obviously physically stronger than me. He could easily kill me one of these days.

He was still talking, insults rolling off his tongue as he bashed my head into the wall repeatedly. I clenched my fists and I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing it would be over soon.

I was bruised and cut everywhere, and now I'm pretty sure the back of my head was bleeding, too.

Wonderful.

He stepped back and dropped me, and I collapsed to the floor, panting. He walked away, wrenching the door open and climbing into his car, probably going to a bar or something.

The moment I heard him back out of the driveway, the tears started coming. I've trained myself to hold them in, to never let him see my weakness. But the moment he was away-it was like they were in overdrive.

I supported myself on my hands and knees, tears sliding out of my eyes and dripping onto the tiles in my house. I was shaking and bloody and dizzy, and with all of that and the crying, I couldn't breathe properly. I gasped for air and collapsed onto my side, which only caused my pain in the arm he had kicked. I rolled onto my back and moved my limbs around, making sure none were broken.

He makes sure of that. No broken bones, nothing done to the face or hands or neck, where people could see.

I didn't tell anybody about this – not Bex, Macey, Liz, Grant, Zach, Jonas, or Tristan. We had been best friends since second grade, where we were all seated in the same table group. It was the teacher's hugest mistake, considering we never paid attention and we just laughed and talked all the time, even as little kids. I usually told them everything. Except this. I didn't even tell my mom. I didn't want them to take me away to some foster home where I would never see my friends again. My friends were the only things that I truly, deeply loved in life. Suddenly, something vibrated on my butt.

I was really freaked out for a second until I remembered I had put my phone on vibrate. I pulled it out and saw a text from Zach.

**Hey. Bored-be over in 5. Everyone else is at a movie that sucks. Good thing your dad didn't let you go. **

No, no, no! I typed back a reply about not being home or something, but he would know I was making excuses. He always did. Zach knew me best out of all of my friends. I quickly got up and crawled up the stairs, still being too weak to stand up yet. It took really long, and I was scared he would catch me crawling up.

Five minutes. Five minutes to clean myself up. I forced myself to stand on my feet and leaned against a wall, trying to fight the nausea.

I looked at myself in the mirror. The back of my head was matted in blood, my arms had many cruises and a couple cuts on them, my left leg had an extremely long cut on the side due to the vase he shattered, and my right leg only had bruises. I quickly cleaned my cuts with anti-bacterial alcohol, which made more tears squeeze out of my eyes from the pain. I sharply threw the bloody wipes away, stuffing them to the bottom of the trash can so no one could see them. I washed my hair and winced when I had to pull out the already-drying blood sticking to strands of my hair, clumping them together. The wound was still open, and I had no idea how to bandage it without wrapping it around my whole head noticeably. So I wrapped my head up in a towel and pulled on sweats and a baggy T-shirt. I heard Zach's car in the driveway, and I was about to go downstairs to meet him, until a strong wave of... just pure exhaustion hit me. I fell to the floor and my dizziness was worse than ever. I dragged myself to the bathroom, managing to get to the toilet right before I vomited up some blood and the contents of my dinner. I quickly flushed, the smell and sight of it making me want to throw up again.

I was sitting there gagging, tears pouring down my cheeks, wounds half-bandaged, when Zach found me.

"Get out!" I screamed. He slowly walked over and flipped on the lights, which I had turned off when I was trying to make my way downstairs. I hid my face from him.

"Cam?" He whispered. He sounded like he was going to cry. I just shook my head, my mouth opening but no words coming out.

A million lies popped into my head-I tripped, I almost got raped in a dark alley...anything but actually telling him the truth.

I didn't want to explain.

This couldn't be happening.

Five years of hiding it.

Five years of wearing long-sleeves and jeans, even in the summer.

Five years of keeping my dirty little secret, and he finds out like this?

It was so unfair.

He was crouching beside me now, and he undid the towel from my head. My damp wavy hair fell down my shoulders, and I stared at the towel in shock.

It was soaked in my blood.

"Zach. Just leave!" I screeched, grabbing the towel from him and throwing it into the bathtub, making a wet slapping noise. I wanted to pretend this wasn't happening.

I wanted to pretend this was all a horrible nightmare.

"Cammie. Who did this to you?" He asked, softy brushing strands of hair off my face.

"No one. Can you please just leave?" I asked. Every part of me hurt. I wanted to just lay here and go to sleep. "Why won't you tell me? I'm your best friend." Zach demanded. "You have to tell me who hurt you."

He forced me to look into his dark green eyes, which were glaring into mine, his mouth set into a stubborn frown.

I just closed my eyes, which were getting extremely droopy.

"Shit." Zach muttered. I felt the air whoosh around me and I was in his arms, probably getting his shirt all bloody. He set me down on my bed and I heard him take out his phone. I shot up, which caused me to shriek in pain.

"Don't call!" I cried, clutching my stomach. "Don't call the police, or the ambulance. Please don't call."

I looked at him desperately.

"Why not? You're _dying." _Zach threw his hands up in the air in frustration. His face was desperate and angry and extremely...disbelieving.

He was probably trying to pretend this was all a nightmare, too.

"Because they'll take me away." I whimpered.

Shoot.

I should not have said that.

Zach put the pieces together and his eyes widened in rage.

"Your _dad_ did this to you?"

I just collapsed back onto the bed and closed my eyes, giving into the darkness, not even bothering to answer his question.

I woke up, every part of me sore. It was still dark – only about 3:30 in the morning. I kept my eyes closed, and concentrated on the sound of my breathing. It gave me something to hold on to-something that was real and calm and painless.

It was peaceful. No sounds of my dad clicking away on his laptop, and no cars driving by on the road with their radios turned too loud.

I rolled around, and realized Zach was in the bed with me. I didn't care. I had suspected this. I peeled my eyes open and looked down – he had re-bandaged all my cuts and my head had a long strip of cloth around it, too. My bruises were prominent and purple now.

Attractive.

Zach's eyes were closed, but I knew he was asleep from the way his mouth was set. When he slept, his lips parted the tiniest bit, and his breathing was always calm. His messy brown hair fell in his face, and I had a sudden strong urge to push it back with my hand.

Right now his mouth was set into a tight line, and his eyebrows were furrowed. It seemed as if he was thinking about something. He had his arms around me and it was warm.

I remember when I was little, my mom had a job where she stayed home most of the time and my dad was happy. Whenever I had nightmares he would come into my room and hold me in his arms, protecting me from the monsters.

I snuggled deeper into Zach's chest, trying to escape reality.

His hands came up to my head and started stroking my hair, which was somehow no longer caked in blood. I realized that I was in a set of clean clothes, instead of my bloody ones from last night. I blushed at the thought of how I got into these clothes, but was too tired to care.

"Thank you." I whispered to him. He didn't say anything.

"How long has this been going on?" He asked after a while.

I contemplated lying.

"And don't you dare lie to me."

Guess not.

"About...five years?" I estimated.

"What?" He shouted, pulling me out of his chest. "You've been hiding this for _five years_?"

I cringed as his raised voice, every sound echoing around in my mind and making my headache worse. I just nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could've...I would've..." His voice broke. "I would have protected you."

His words ran through my mind.

He would have protected me.

I swallowed.

"I don't know if you could...my dad's pretty strong. I don't want you to get hurt, too. I never told anybody because then somehow the secret would get out, and they would take me away from you and Bex and everybody." I frowned, eyes still closed.

"You guys are all I have left." I said softly.

I needed to go back to sleep. My head was pounding and every breath I took hurt my stomach.

"You'd be surprised at what you can do for someone you love..." Zach breathed out, his lips parting and his eyes closing.

But mine did the exact opposite. My eyes shot open and I looked at his face.

He loved me?

Surely he meant like...a friend love.

Right? The pain in the stomach got shoved aside by the butterflies, which had managed to make their way in there. I wanted to ask him about it, but the dark circles under his eyes made me keep my mouth shut.

So I laid my hand on his cheek and stroked his face.

"Thank you for taking care of me." I whispered again, closing my own eyes. I felt his hand come up and cup mine, holding it.

**Hi, guys. So...yea. I know what you're thinking.**

**ANOTHER STORY! FINISH YOUR OTHER FIVE STORIES!**

**But I needed to write this.**

**Yes. _Needed._ **

**My only way to escape my...reality is through writing and reading and art. One of my friends is going through a...situation like this, and it's horrible and I'm scared and I didn't know what to do.**

**So I wrote about it. This is not going to be a one-shot – there will be multiple chapters. **

**I don't what's going to happen and I'm really angry at her father and there are people taking care of it, but I'm being selfish because I don't want her to be taken away from me. **

**But I just needed to write this because this is the only place where I can vent and pour out all me emotions and just...deal with my problems. **

**So don't be angry if you don't like this story, because it's the only way I can actually grasp what's going on. Writing this made me understand how she felt more, and I'm going to protect her. Even if it means she's going to be taken away from me, I'll let her go because that's what a good friend will do. **

**So yea. **

**Thanks for reading – I'll update soon.**


	2. Drop The Fake Smile

_Closing yourself off from the rest of the world_

_Locking yourself in your mind_

_The memories haunt you_

_They linger behind your footsteps_

_Stalking you_

_The past is tapping you on the shoulders_

_But don't look back. _

_The night that everything changed_

_The moment when his fist struck out _

_And you crumpled to the floor_

_The night when you decided that home-_

_Your safe place_

_The place where you're loved most-_

_Wasn't home anymore. _

I woke up and Zach's hand was still holding mine, our breaths mixing together, our noses almost touching. I just laid there and stared at the shadows his eyelashes were casting upon his cheekbones, and drank in the protected feeling he gave me.

I breathed in the scent of him, knowing that just his smell gave me comfort.

It felt good that someone else knew the secret now. It felt like a weight was lifted off of my heart, finally letting me breath a little.

For the first time in five years, I felt...loved.

I felt loved and protected and warm.

But that all ended too quickly when I heard the front door slam shut, and footsteps on the stairs.

_Shit._ My father was home. I quickly sat up, my head still a little foggy. I gently removed my hand from his, and his breathing faltered for a second. I froze. It went back to normal, and I started hiding him. I quickly covered Zach with blankets and pretended the bumps were pillows, and got my textbooks and scattered them around his body so it looked like I had been studying. I added pencils – anything to distract my father from the sleeping boy in my bed.

"Whatever you do, please don't wake up." I whispered.

My bedroom door flung open, and I flinched and spun around. My heart was pounding and my palms started sweating – just like they always did when I was around my father.

He was drunk.

That made it even worse.

He reeked of alcohol and his clothes were all wrinkled. It was disgusting.

He slurred some unintelligible words and stumbled, catching himself on my desk. I just stood there, watching him. Suddenly, my phone went off, its ring shrill and loud.

I jumped about five feet in the air and picked up my phone, planning to ignore the call.

Suddenly, it was slapped out of my hands and a fist connected with my face.

"Don't answer the phone when I'm trying to talk to you, girl." My father growled.

"I was going to ignore the call!" I protested, on the floor now.

Big mistake.

"Don't-talk-back-to-me!" He grunted, kicking my wounds back open.

**Zach's POV**

I woke up underneath pillows and blankets, and I could barely breathe. I heard whimpers and a deep voice, and loud thumps.

Still half-asleep, I tried to remember the contents of my dream. I couldn't remember anything, except a beautiful voice whispering, "Whatever you do, please don't wake up."

_I woke up._ I thought in my mind. I woke up to the cruel world that I live in – I'm not in dreamland anymore. Suddenly, all of the memories started rushing back into my head.

Finding Cammie half-dead on the bathroom floor, bloody and crying.

Picking her up and carrying her to her room. She was so light I probably could have carried her for hours without getting tired. Note to self: Get her to eat more.

Realizing her dad had done this to her, and after she fell asleep I re-bandaged her wounds and wrapped her in my arms and fell asleep with her.

My eyes flew open, and I quickly sat up just as I heard a door slam. I whipped the blanket off my face, and was surprised at the textbooks and pencils scattered around me.

I saw Cammie on the floor, and realization dawned on me.

Those thumps and whimpers...

Why did I not come to my senses earlier?

My blood boiled and I clenched my fists, working my jaw.

_I am such an idiot._

I promised her I would protect her, and look. Only a couple hours later and I sleep through her beating. I was so angry at myself I wanted to hit something.

But instead I just came over to Cammie and took her in my arms, rocking her back and forth and checking her body for her new injuries.

"I'm so sorry." My voice broke as I ran my hands over her new cuts and bruises, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.

Do you ever have those moments where something so horrible is happening, and you feel like you're not really there? Like you're an onlooker who just...speculates. Like this isn't happening to you, because shit like this only happened in movies and books.

"Don't be sorry. Please don't be sorry. It's not your fault." She opened her eyes, looking into mine.

My best friend was a victim of abuse.

_My best friend was a victim of abuse._

I couldn't help it. Tears spilled down my cheeks and I bit my lip, hard.

"Don't cry." Cammie said as tears started flowing out of her eyes, too. She brought her hands up and wiped the salty tears off my cheeks.

I just shook my head and put her down, letting her lean against my shoulder. It was a disgustingly bright day, sunlight bursting through the windows.

I wanted it to rain.

I wanted the weather and everything else in the world to feel the same pain as Cammie. I wanted everyone to know what she was going through.

She shouldn't have to go through with it alone.

But she wasn't alone. She had me.

And I swear: As of right now, I will do everything in my power to protect this girl.

I silently got up and got the first aid kit again, and bandaged her new cuts.

"How do you do it?" I asked, wrapping up her legs.

"Do what?" Cammie replied, leaning against the wall, closing her eyes, legs in my lap.

"How are you so strong? On the outside, you smile and laugh as if nothing's wrong. But everything's wrong. Nothing in your world is going good." I crinkled my eyebrows together.

She smiled sarcastically. "You know what they say. Hide your problems behind a smile."

"You shouldn't have to. Hide your problems, I mean." I played with the edge of her pants, her legs still in my lap. I had finished treating her wounds, and we were lounging in her room. Her father had gone out somewhere to do who knows what.

Once the front door slammed closed, Cammie had audibly taken a sigh of relief, and she had stopped shaking. We were on the bed now, which was pushed into a corner. She was leaning against one wall and I was leaning against the one to the left of it.

"Whatever. Let's stop talking about it, please." She begged. I smiled.

"Alright. What do you want to do?"

"Let's watch a movie!" Cammie brightened, getting out her laptop. I got out her favorite movie and popped the CD into her laptop, and Cammie shut the blinds so the room was dark. We snuggled up together under blankets and watched the movie.

It was hilarious – and Cammie laughed so hard I couldn't help but laugh just because she was.

"I really do care about you, Cam."

"I know." Cammie smiled teasingly back. I smirked.

"When are you going to tell the others?" I questioned.

Cammie's answer was quick and sharp. "Never."

She looked at me, her blue eyes demanding. "You won't tell them, will you?"

"Why won't you tell them?"

"It'll just change everything. I want things in my life to stay the same. As normal as possible. Promise you won't tell." She held out her pinky. I grinned at her childish ways.

I hooked pinkies with her anyways, and muttered out a promise. We connected pinkies, then pressed our thumbs together, and twirled our hands around to make a heart.

We laughed at the silly tradition we did since we were little.

"You should probably get going." Cammie sighed. I frowned.

"I want to stay."

"You don't have to. Go home and shower, and stuff. I'll see you tomorrow."

"But what if your dad tries to...?"

"He usually calms down after a while. It's okay, Zach. Really." Cammie smiled reassuringly, and it was a genuine smile.

"Alright. Call me if you need anything. Really."

"Will do!" Cammie waved at me, and I walked out of her house. I heard her door click shut.

Little did I know that as soon I turned my back on her, my best friend dropped her fake smile and the tears that had hidden themselves for so long started escaping.

**Depressing? I'm sorry. ]: This probably isn't going to be a very happy story...but it'll have a happy ending! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and wished my friend and I good. You guys seriously made me a lot happier. **

**Thank you. **

**Oh, and did you guys like the poem in the beginning? I wrote it myself. I'm proud of it.[: **

**I really love writing poems, so there will probably be a lot of poems in this and my other fanfictions as well. It's a new-found passion, ahha.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading. **


	3. It's Going To Be A Good Day

_Little did I know that as soon I turned my back on her, my best friend dropped her fake smile and the tears that had hidden themselves for so long started escaping. _

**Cammie's POV**

I crept back upstairs to my room, and took a shower. I let the hot water run down my body, my tears camouflaging into the spray.

I undid the head bandage, and saw that most of the cut had scabbed over.

Pleasant.

I got out and dried down, pulling on an oversized T-shirt that slouched over the shoulder and fell to my knees. I went down to the kitchen and ate a few crackers, and pulled out my phone.

_Are you okay?_ -Zach

I rolled my eyes. He was here, what, an hour ago?

_Yes, Zach. I'm completely okay. He's probably not even going to come home tonight._

_Sorry. But I can't seem to stop worrying about you. _

_Don't be worried. I've put up with it for years – I'm strong. _

_I don't doubt that. _

_Get some sleep, Zach._

_Sweet dreams, Cammie. _

I put my phone down and looked at the clock – almost ten o' clock. Decent time to go to sleep. I was exhausted, anyways. I should go to sleep early if I want to wake up for school tomorrow.

I trudged upstairs, and, before my father came home, fell asleep.

The first thing I did when I woke up was listen. It was a routine now – it was instinct. Natural.

I cleared my breathing and stayed completely still, eyes darting, ears straining. I heard nothing – no typing, no music, no footsteps.

Good, he wasn't home. My pounding heart calmed, and I started to get ready for school. I put on a cream lacey tank-top, and tucked it into a fluttery coral high-low skirt. I combed through my hair and curled it, so that the extra volume hid my head-cut scab thing. I put make-up on all of my bruises and scars, and grabbed a white long cardigan and gladiator sandals.

I decided I looked decent enough, so I called Zach and asked if he could pick me up. He immediately texted back, telling me he would be here in a couple minutes. Suddenly, a door slammed closed and keys were tossed on the table.

Damn it. So close.

The best thing to do is act completely normal. I came down the stairs and smiled at my father.

"Hi, Dad." I said, grabbing my backpack. He grunted, and he stumbled down onto the couch. He was drunk. Like always.

I saw Zach's car pull up in my driveway, and I waved to him. He waved back. He looked down, and his shoulders twitched slightly. He was probably texting someone.

"I'm going to school now, okay, Dad?" I asked hesitantly. Suddenly, he shot up and walked over to me, shoving me out of the way. I stumbled and fell.

"You think I care? Go wherever the hell you want, I don't give a shit. Now stop talking, you're giving me a headache." He growled down at me. With a final kick, he stomped upstairs to his room. I sighed and stood up, brushing myself off. A push and a kick wasn't so bad. Not even a new bruise.

It was going to be a good day.

Unfortunately, Zach had seen me fall. He stormed into the house and picked me up, hugging me tight.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

I gently shoved him off of me. "I'm okay. Let's go, before he comes down here again."

Zach looked up towards my dad's room, face stony, before he nodded and led me out the door.

We got back in the car, and the car was filled with silence as we drove to school. My eyes flicked from Zach's face to the window, to my hands, to the clock.

Repeat.

"Zach?" I asked hesitantly. He jumped slightly, as if I were disturbing his thoughts.

"Yea?"  
>"Please don't...don't tell anybody, okay? Not even Bex or Grant or <em>anyone<em>."

He stopped at a red light and turned, staring at me.

"When will you tell them? Our friends deserve to know, Cammie."

"I know." I nodded. "I'll tell them when I'm ready. You can keep it a secret, right? You'll do it for me?" I bit my lip and widened my eyes at him, over-playing the puppy dog look a bit too much.

It worked, though.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." He smirked, stepping on the gas again. I giggled. We parked at school and we got out, the wind making my skirt flutter around my legs like silk. We were early, so barely anyone was on-campus yet. Zach and I went to the giant tree that we and our friends always ate under. It was 'our spot'.

It was a good tree – with a thick trunk, shooting high up into the air, the large leaves and flowers sprouting on it creating cool shade. Sometimes, on a windy day, when we were eating lunch under it, the petals would dance with the wind, and flutter around us.

Ever year on the first day of school, we came early so we could claim the tree. We had carved all of our names into it.

We plopped our binders and backpacks down, and leaned into the warm tree trunk, in the shade. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around me.

"I'm sleepy." I complained.

"Sleep, then. I'll wake you up when it's time for class." Zach murmured quietly. I opened my eyes and looked up. He was leaning his head back against the trunk, his eyes closed. His mouth was set in a small frown, his cheekbones prominent.

"Are you okay?" I touched his face, trying to relax his expression. His eyes fluttered open, and the green of his eyes almost perfectly matched the green of the leaves above us. He smirked, but some of his cockiness was gone.

"Why are you asking me that?"

I shrugged. "You look sad."

"I am sad."

"Because of me?"

"Because of what's happening to you." Zach shrugged. I smiled gently.

"It'll stop, eventually." I reassured him.

"What if it doesn't?" He set tore his gaze away from the clouds and set his gaze on me. "What if it never stops, Cam?" His voice broke a little, and he looked down, biting his lip.

"I should never have told you," I muttered. All this was doing was adding more stress to his daily life. He already had grades and college to worry about, and his sports.

"What?" Zach exclaimed, his body going stiff. "You should have told me a _long_ time ago, Cammie. I could have helped." He glared.

"Nobody can help. Not this time. This time, I'm on my own."

"You're never on your own. I'll never," Zach leaned closer, and looked down at my lips as he trailed off. I blinked rapidly and looked at his, too. They looked pink and soft and...ugh. What? This was Zach. This was my best friend Zach.

But still, I didn't pull away.

"I'll never leave you alone." Zach finished.

He gently pressed his lips to mine, and wrapped his other arm around my waist.

I put mine around his neck, and deepened the kiss.

He tasted like coffee and something I could only describe as..._Zach._ He smelled like his aftershave, and I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He played with the ends of mine, which hung to the small of my back.

We broke away for air and looked at each other.

Zach and I just kissed.

Zach Goode and I just kissed.

Zach Goode and Cammie Morgan, best friends since forever, JUST. KISSED.

What?

"I..." I mumbled, not knowing what to say. I looked down, knowing my cheeks were burning pink.

"Do you regret it?" Zach whispered, his breathing still a little uneven. I looked up again.

"What?"

"Do you regret kissing me?"

I thought about it. As weird as it was, kissing your best friend, I had enjoyed it. More than enjoyed it. I wouldn't mind having more. I wouldn't mind Zach being my boyfriend.

From best friend to boyfriend.

I shook my head and smiled slightly.

"No."

He grinned.

"I don't either."

And with that, he cupped my cheek with his hand and pressed our lips together once again.

**Hi everybody!  
>So I updated.[: Finally, some Zammie! I didn't really want to keep on going with the best friends thing – I need some bfgf action! **

**Anyways, thank you SO MUCH wonderful reviews on the last chapter, because they were so freaking amazing. I love you guys. **

**Seriously. 45 with two chapters? Ugh. As for my friend – things haven't really changed. Her dad doesn't know I know, and we're planning to keep it that way. **

**And we finally got up the courage to tell my parents. We're still deciding when to tell the police. She's been staying at my house often. Thank you for all of your well-wishes and prayers. **


	4. The Secret Has Been Unlocked

_"Do you regret kissing me?"_

_I thought about it. As weird as it was, kissing your best friend, I had enjoyed it. More than enjoyed it. I wouldn't mind having more. I wouldn't mind Zach being my boyfriend._

_From best friend to boyfriend._

_I shook my head and smiled slightly._

_"No."_

_He grinned._

_"I don't either."_

_And with that, he cupped my cheek with his hand and pressed our lips together once again._

**Cammie's POV**

After we kissed for a bit, I pulled back, our cheeks rosy, our lips bruised. My heart was beating a gazillion miles an hour, my body was pulsing with it.

But I was exhausted, so I closed my eyes and yawned. He pulled me down in a laying position and laid my head in his lap. I curled my body up and went into that half-awake hale-dream state where you could still hear things, but you didn't really comprehend them.

His hand was repetitively stroking my hair, twirling the ends around his fingers. His hand soothed me, making my breathing even. I focused on his gentle touch, and the slow sound of my heartbeat. He was texting someone on his phone, while trying to read a book at the same time.

"Hey man," I felt Zach's body move a bit as he and Grant did their little handshake. "What's up with Cam? Why's she sleeping?"

"She's exhausted, for some reason," Zach said, still stroking my hair. I heard him put his phone in his pocket, and his book into his backpack.

"Your lips look kinda puffy, man. Did you put on Bex's lip-plumping butter again?" Grant guffawed. I knew if my eyes were open, Zach would've blushed a bit. I was getting more awake by the minute, focusing on their conversation. I smiled a bit at the memory.

The incident with the lip-plumping butter...let's just say Zach didn't show his face for about a week, which resulted in me and Grant getting worried about him, checking up on him, and then screaming because his lips were about twice their size.

"I thought it was chapstick!" He had protested, but not to be heard, because Grant and I were peeing ourselves on his front porch.

Even though he would deny it later, because 'No one will know of this incident, you hear me?'

"Umm...no. I was kissing...someone."

I blushed at that.

"Who! Why did I not get notification?" Grant plopped down on the other side of Zach.

"I don't know if she...wants to make it official yet. Plus, it was like, twenty minutes ago." Zach mumbled awkwardly.

"Just tell him," I grumbled, sitting up. My hair was all over my face, eyes puffy.

"Hey, Cam!" Grant chirped.

"Hi Grant," I did a mini-wave to him, and Zach brushed the hair out of my face.

"Cam and I kissed." Zach spurted out, his hand still behind my ear, tucking my hair behind it for me. I blushed and looked down at the ground, Zach bit his lip and looked at me, and Grant did a double-take and stared at us, eyes huge.

"Well, it's about time!" Bex said, coming up and smiling, her arms linked through Liz's and Macey's. Tristan and Jonas were on either side of the three girls, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yea, the sexual tension was killing me," Tristan huffed, plopping down on the other side of me, tossing his backpack into the little pile.

"There was no 'sexual tension'!" I exclaimed. He just shrugged, snickering.

"There is none!" I looked at Zach, and our expressions mirrored each others'. Flustered, our cheeks pink, eyebrows pulled together. "Right?"

"Right," he agreed. Then, simultaneously, we stuck our tongues out at our friends. They rolled their eyes and laughed.

"So are you two dating now?" Jonas asked.

We looked at each other.

"Dunno, we just kissed like, twenty minutes ago," I said. Did he want to date me? Did he want to be my boyfriend? Who would want to date a girl whose father would probably kill him once he found out about their relationship?

I sighed, biting my lip, thinking about all of the things my father would say about this. Zach took my hand, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

He sent me a look, saying, 'Tell them now.'

I looked up, eyes wide. Our friends stared back at us, confused.

I shook my head harshly.

"No!"

"Either you tell them, or I will," Zach threatened.

"Zach!" I pleaded with him through my eyes, squeezing his hand. My hand was shaking, nervous at the thought of spilling the secret.

"They have to know sooner or later, Cammie. Let's just get it over with," he sighed.

"_You're pregnant?_" Macey exclaimed, looking at my stomach.

Zach looked at each other, then back at Macey, then back to each other.

And then burst out into fits of laughter.

"_No!_" I cackled. "That's not it. It's...it's much worse."

My frown was back again, laughter gone.

"Go on." Zach nudged me, pulling me closer.

I shook my head.

"Want me to say it, and you show them?" His tone was gentle, alluring, sweet. I just wanted to lay back down on his lap and fall asleep to his voice.

I didn't move. He took that as a yes.

"Well," Zach cleared his throat awkwardly, glancing down at me. I was glaring at the floor, tugging at the sleeves of my cardigan.

"I...Cammie's dad..."

"My dad hits me." I blurted out. Then I smacked my hand over my mouth, eyes wide. Tears were forming in my eyes at my friends' expressions, and I looked down again.

Liz chuckled nervously. "What did you say?"

"My dad is abusive." I sighed. Zach gently took my hand and rolled the cardigan sleeve up, and then smeared away the concealer with his thumb, showing the bruises and cuts. I hid my face in his shoulder, crying. It was a good thing not a lot of people hang out around our tree, or that would be very bad...and embarrassing.

For a minute, everybody was completely silent, even me.

I was crying silent tears.

Then, Liz broke down and started crying, too. My head whipped up from Zach's shoulder, and I ran over to her, capturing her in a hug. Sobs wracked through my body, shaking me.

"Why didn't you tell us?" She wailed, squeezing my tightly.

"I didn't know how," My voice cracked, and I hid my face in her neck, the scent of her hair comforting me. Bex and Macey were fighting tears, but I think they were still in shock.

"I can't believe it," Bex took a shaky breath. "Your...your _dad?_"

"Yea. My dad." I sniffled, wiping the tears off my cheeks. Tristan, Jonas and Grant were staring at me, but their eyes held anger. Anger and disbelief and pure shock.

"I...I would rather you have been pregnant, Cammie-bear," Grant said glumly.

I half-smiled. "Me too."

For once I didn't yell at him for calling me Cammie-bear. The term of endearment filled me with love, and I needed some of that.

"We'll get through this, Cam." Macey said reassuringly.

"Get through what?" Tina Walters, gossip girl of the school, bounded up. Our eyes widened.

Oh, god.

"My...um, my uncle. He just died in a car crash yesterday." I quickly lied, walking back over to Zach.

"Oh, Cammie, I'm so sorry!" Tina wailed.

"Don't tell too many people, alright?" Zach growled. Didn't bother saying 'don't tell anyone', because we all know it's gonna spread through the school like a wild-fire.

"I swearsies!" She laughed. "I'm sorry for your loss, Cammie! Bye!" She blew us air-kisses, and then bounded away. I rolled my eyes.

"That girl..." I muttered.

It felt like a gigantic weight has been lifted from my heart. My friends finally knowing my big secret was a huge relief to me.

The bell rang, and we all stood up and grabbed our backpacks. Zach, Grant and I had every class together, which was good for me now, but also very...rough. Lots of shoving and cussing and 'dudes' and 'man' and 'what's ups?'. I didn't mind, though. It was kind of cute, actually. They still acted like they were in 8th grade.

Zach slid his hand through mine and we walked into the school, leaving behind our tree. People were looking at our intertwined fingers, questioning looks on their faces. No one confronted us, though. I had pulled my cardigan sleeve back down right before Tina got there, but I kept tugging at them to make sure nothing was showing.

"You're fine," Zach muttered through his teeth. He kissed the top of my head. "I'll tell you if...anything's showing."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.

"Thanks...for everything," I whispered.

"Anytime, Cam. I swear. For the rest of my life, I'll protect you." He whispered back.

"Don't I get a hug too?" Grant whined, ruining the moment. Zach growled, but I laughed and opened my arm, keeping one around Zach's neck, standing on my tip-toes to be able to reach both of them. Grant joined the group hug, and we swung around for a bit, acting like children. I giggled, dizzy.

"Get to class!" A teacher screeched. We jumped, wide-eyed and guilty. The teacher had seen us hugging and spinning like pre-schoolers.

We started laughing, and speed-walked to home-room. We slid into our seats the moment the bell rang, smiles still plastered to our faces, and our teacher glared as us over her glasses.

We shrugged.

The teacher started taking roll, and I started zoning out. But then a scrunched up paper slid onto my desk. I sat in-between Zach and Grant, since there wasn't any assigned seating. I opened it up under the desk, looking up as I did so. I quickly flicked my eyes down, reading it.

_You know, Cammie-bear, next time he hurts you, you can call me. Okay? I'll protect you. Doesn't matter what time it is, or anything. I'm pretty sure Zach feels the same way. We'll help._

I smiled softly at Grant, and got out a pencil.

_Yea, after he...ya know...he usually goes to a bar or something. But I don't want you to confront him about it, alright? It'll just make everything worse. _

With a flick of my wrist, it was sliding onto his desk.

"Cameron Morgan."

"Here," I raised my hand slightly.

I zoned out again.

A different paper got flung onto my desk.

I opened it. A different, familiar scrawl was on it.

_What are you and Grant talking about...? _

I snickered a bit.

_We're planning out your murder, Zachy. _

_Oh, Cammie dear, if you kill me, who will be your knight in shining armor? _

I rolled my eyes at his fake-sweet tone. I could imagine the way his voice if he were saying it, his eyes would get all big, his expression innocent, tone clear and non-corrupted.

Grant's was back again. I shoved Zach's aside for a second, not knowing how to respond.

_How do you intend to stop this? _

_Stop the note-passing? Easy. Just throw the paper away. _

_You know what I mean, Cammie. Really. _

_It'll blow over, eventually. _

_You and I both know that that won't happen. _

_It will. It's probably just...a phase, or something. _

_Zach. Do you think it will go away if we do nothing? _

Grant flicked it onto Zach's desk. He cocked an eyebrow, and opened it, getting ready to read his murder-scene. But his expression darkened once he realized what we were really talking about.

_Like hell it will, Cam. We have to do something, soon. _

_Do what? There's nothing we can do if you guys want me to stay here with you. I'm willing to put up with my father if that means I can stay with you guys. You guys are my family. _

_What if one day, it goes too far? What if he kills you or something? _

Grant was clutching his pencil tightly, jaw clenched.

Suddenly, the paper was snatched from our desk. I gasped sharply, dropping my pencil. The teacher, Mrs. Hawthorne, was standing there.

"Do not pass notes in my class!" She screeched. She started reading it.

"No!" Zach, Grant and I all jumped up at the same time, and snatched for the paper.

"You can't read that, Mrs. Hawthorne. Please." I begged her.

"Why ever not, dear?" She sneered.

"It's...it's a huge secret. A secret that could change both of our lives if you read it. You'll regret it. It's more than the 'latest gossip' in the school, or who 'hooked up' with one another last night at the party. This is serious. It's bad stuff," I pleaded with her through my eyes.

"Then you shouldn't have been writing it down on a piece of paper passing it to one another, am I right?" She sighed, handing us the paper back.

I let out a shaky breath and collapsed back into my chair.

"Dear god," Zach sighed out, sitting down and rubbing his temples. "That was close."

Grant sat down stiffly, taking the paper and tearing it into tiny pieces. He swiped it into his palm and threw it in his backpack, not the trash can.

The door suddenly flew open, banging against the wall. The whole class, including Mrs. Hawthorne, jumped at the noise.

And there stood my father.

He pointed at me, his drunken eyes furious.

He said one word.

"You."

**I hope you guys liked this chapter! I really, really, REALLY appreciate all of the reviews. I'm not just saying that – I seriously love you guys so much. You're all supportive and sweet, and you guys are the best readers ever.[': **

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**See you next chapter!**

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**Bye!**


	5. Nothing To Hide

_The door suddenly flew open, banging against the wall. The whole class, including Mrs. Hawthorne, jumped at the noise._

_And there stood my father._

_He pointed at me, his drunken eyes furious._

_He said one word._

_"You."_

**Cammie's POV**

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to hide.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to do anything but what I had to do.

But I knew what I had to do.

I stood up, ignoring the stares I was getting from Zach and Grant. They stood up, too, almost immediately after I did, their chairs clattering loudly to the ground. The whole class was silent, watching us. Even the teacher was stunned to a look of shock.

I could hear the whispers now: _Is that her dad? What's wrong with him? Is she related to him? _

I couldn't blame them. My father was dirty, smelly, wavering on his own two feet, and bloody.

"Sit down," I muttered to Zach and Grant. They simply shook their heads no.

"You," my dad groaned out again. "Come here."

I slowly looked at my teacher, and she nodded.

"I'll notify the office that you left," Mrs. Hawthorne said.

I picked up my backpack and hesitantly made my way over to my father, trying to prolong each step. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, more scared for my secret than my physical health.

He wouldn't try anything in public...would he?

But he was so drunk that common sense probably wasn't in the realm of possibilities at the moment.

"Father," I said quietly. "What are you doing here?" Zach had trailed along behind me, but Grant stayed standing at his desk, not wanting to cause too big of a scene. We were walking about of the classroom when Grant suddenly said, "Zach."

We looked back, and they made eye contact, sending each other messages. Grant was willing Zach to do something, and Zach understood and nodded, the muscles in his jaw clenching and unclenching visibly. Their eyes flickered to me for a second, and Zach took a deep breath.

"I will, I swear I will."

The class blinked, confused.

With that, Grant gave a content nod and sat down. But his posture was stiff, wary. We walked out of the classroom and shut the door.

My dad collapsed against the wall, mumbling something. He smelled of alcohol, cigarettes, and sweat. I wanted to gag.

Zach grabbed my hand, half-shielding my body with his, glaring at my dad. I squeezed his hand and stepped in front of him, but kept our hands connected.

"Why are you here?" I asked icily. Luckily, no one was out in the hall going to the bathroom or something, or this would be a situation to explain.

"What? A father can't visit his daughter at school?" Then, he erupted into loud, booming laughter that echoed around the hall. Zach and I shared a glance. If we didn't get him out of here soon, he was going to create a scene.

Thinking my dad was too drunk to be violent, I let go of Zach's hand and grabbed one of my father's sticky arms, nodding with my head at Zach to grab the other one so we could haul him outta here.

But I thought wrong. Just as Zach was about to grab is, he used the other arm and knocked me off of him, sending my head colliding back with a locker with a loud bang. Unfortunately, the owner of that locker didn't close it all the way, so my head hit the sharp corner, and it closed, some of my hair stuck in with it. I fell to the floor, and some strands got ripped out of my head. I sat up on my knees and opened the locker, which had no lock, for some reason, and let the rest of my hair loose.

I never flinched, kept my face neutral. I prodded the back of my head with my fingers.

Minimal blood. But still some. I stayed silent, moving my hair to shield it so Zach wouldn't see.

But Zach flipped.

"You _bastard_! Don't _ever_ touch her again, you-" He swung for my dad, but I pulled him back, sighing.

"It's okay. Let's just get him out of here."

Zach looked at me and brought a hand to the back of my head. Thankfully, he didn't move my hair back or anything.

"Does it hurt? Are you alright?" He asked, frowning.

I shrugged, trying to be reassuring. "I've had worse."

Wasn't the best thing for me to say. Zach's eyes just blackened with even more fury than before. He brought his hand down from my head, where a bump was starting to form, and clenched his fists together so tightly his knuckles turned white.  
>We walked over and grabbed my dad's arms, and hauled him to his feet. We half-dragged half-carried my father outside, and I saw his beat-up truck on the side of the road, still running, the driver door flung open. We dumped him in the backseat of the car and Zach got in the driver's seat.<p>

It smelled like barf and booze in here, and I rolled down all the windows, and blasted the AC.

"Why do you always get to drive?" I crossed my arms, pouting.

"Wouldn't want you driving with a concussion, now would we?" A faint resemblance of a smirk tilted his mouth up, but it was forced, less teasing.

I plopped down in the passenger seat, rolling my eyes.

"I'll be fine, Zach," I said. This was nothing. It really was nothing compared to what he's done in the past.

"Are you sure you should just ditch? Will your parents be okay with this?"

He shrugged. "I'll take what's coming to me if it means protecting you."

I looked at him and smiled gently.

"You're amazing," I teased, scrunching up my nose and grinning.

He laughed. "And don't you forget it."

We got to my house, and dragged my father out of the car. He was completely unconscious now, and I accidentally yanked him out so hard his face collided with the driveway. Zach and I looked at each other, eyes wide.

Then I shrugged.

"He deserved that."

"He deserves _way _more than that," Zach growled.

Zach put the keys on the counter, and together we tried to carry him up the stairs.

Let me tell you something, a piece of advice.

Never, ever try to carry an 185 pound man up the stairs. Even with two teenagers doing it – it was probably the most exercise I had probably gotten in my whole life.

Well, okay. I exaggerate. But still.

Add that to a bleeding head, which makes it even worse.

Better thing to do is drag him by his feet – it's better that way so he wouldn't be panting beer breath into your face the whole time you're trying to get him up.

Zach and I both tripped several times trying to get him up, which was funny the first few times.

After about the third time, we both started to get a bit frustrated.

It wasn't helping that my dad was dragging his feet, groaning, hanging his head down. Apparently he woke up the moment we stepped onto the stairs. By the time we got him in bed, it was twenty minutes later and our clothes were smelly and dirty, stained with sweat and other unidentifiable things. We stood in the hallway, panting, having just shut his room door.

"Gross," I muttered, trying to brush off my arms from his grime.

I looked up, and Zach was staring at my head.

Crap.

I guess when one of my dad's arms around my shoulder, it repositioned my hair.

"What's that," he growled, closing the distance between us in two long strides, standing so close that my nose was smushed against his shoulder. I took a deep breath, and took in his scent of spice and...something sweeter. A little like honey. But it was also mixed with my dad's sweat and blood, that having been the side he was carrying my dad on, and I crinkled my nose in disgust. He gingerly brought a hand to the back of my head and prodded it gently, moving the hair out of the way this time. I winced.

He pulled it away, and his fingers were red.

"This," he said darkly, "is nothing?"

"I can just wrap a bandage around it. I'll live," I said softly, stepping back and walking to my room. But he caught my wrist and pulled me into him again, hugging me tightly. He kissed the top of my head, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Promise me," he whispered.

"Promise you what?"

He pulled away a bit so he could glare at me, his green eyes piercing into mine.

"That you won't fucking downgrade the severity of your injuries, Cam! If you have a bloody head, tell me you have a bloody head!" his eyes melted and his face looked sad – sadder than I'd ever seen it. "I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong, darling. You have to tell me what's wrong..."

He pulled me back into his chest, and stroked my hair, being cautious of the gash, though. I wanted to laugh of joy – because I finally found someone who would love me, who would protect me. Add that to the fact that he called me darling and I could be squealing and jumping up and down right now.

But I wasn't.

Into his chest I mumbled, "I promise,"

"Oh, no, no, no. You have to _promise_ promise." Zach smirked.

I laughed, but threw my head back and groaned at the same time.

"So much effort. Fine," I breathed. "Let me go find some ribbon."

We walked into my room, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I did a double-take.

"Dear god," I groaned. "Let me shower first, okay Zach? You can shower afterwards. Just...sit tight. Or – no. Look for some ribbon. There should be some in my room."

I grabbed light wash shorts, a high-low white tank top, and a purple cardigan with wooden buttons. I quickly showered, easing the dry blood out of my hair easily, knowing how to do it quickly and thoroughly now, having had lots of practice.

I finished showering, hopped into my towel, and grabbed the first aid kit. I pulled most of my hair away from the little puncture in my head and put a small pad of cotton on it, and then secured it in place with tape. I let my hair fall back over it, and you couldn't even tell there was a bandage there.

I put on my clothes, blow-dried my hair, and then walked out of the bathroom, the steam escaping in swirls behind me.

Zach was laying on my bed playing with a light pink ribbon.

"All yours," I said, tossing a towel to Zach. He caught it and pecked me on the lips on the way to the bathroom.

I grabbed the ribbon he had found and dug through my drawers for a Sharpie. I found a blue one and on the ribbon I wrote, 'I promise to tell Z about all of my injuries-' I flipped it to the other side of the ribbon. 'and to never downgrade them so he can protect me. -C.'

Then I grabbed a plain white t-shirt that I slept in sometimes – it used to be my uncle's, but he left it here a couple years ago, and I still wear it to sleep. Zach said he could still wear his jeans, so I hung the shirt on the doorknob of the bathroom, knocking and telling him it was there.

"Thanks, Cam," he shouted back. He got dressed and walked out, running a hand through his damp hair.

"Got it?" he asked.

"Yea. All set," I said, holding up the ribbon. He nodded and grabbed my hand, and we walked down the stairs and into my backyard.

"This shirt smells like you," he commented. I laughed.

"I sleep in it sometimes. It fits you," I said back.

He nodded, and then snorted. "It must go down to your knees."

"It does. Used to be my uncle's. Ssshh, don't tell. He doesn't know I have it," I winked. Uncle Solomon and Aunt Abby have only visited once – probably because they were thousands of miles away. They call every month, though, and I loved them to death.

They didn't know of my situation, though, and I planned to keep it that way.

We walked straight up to a tree that's been long dead, it's tall, jagged branches slicing through the air. Several ribbons of different colors were still tied onto it, frayed and damaged by the wind and rain.

This was the Promise Tree.

Every time Zach and I promised each other something, and it was a big one, we made each other get a ribbon, write the promise down on it, and we would tie it onto the tree. It's a good thing my father never went into the garden, or he would sneer at me for being so childish, and rip the ribbons off.

We tied the pink ribbon on, and it fit in, right with the others. I pointed to a yellow one.

"Do you remember that? When you made me promise to never eat dirt again? Because I got sick that one time?" I smiled.

Zach laughed. "Yea, and it was all my fault. I dared you to. You were barfing everywhere..."

I laughed, nodding. The Sharpie on the ribbon had worn off mostly, but I could still see some faint outlines of letters, in our sloppy childish handwriting.

"Can we go to your house?" I pleaded. "I don't want to be here when he wakes up."

His eyes melted and he nodded. "Of course. Let's go."

He lived pretty close to me, so we walked there. It took around ten minutes. Grant was going to drop off Zach's car after school.

I've always loved Zach's house. Not just because it was large and grand, but because it smelled like him, and it was just so...comfortable. It had an air of comfort, like you could never get hurt there. Everything was clean and white and shiny.

I walked over to the white piano, sliding my hand over the top of it. I smiled and sat down on the edge of the bench.

"Sing for me...?"

Zach blinked. He hadn't sung for me in years – I hardly even remembered it. But there was a time when he would sing to me for hours, playing the piano. And I loved it.

He walked over and sat down next to me, placing his hands down on the keys.

He looked at me and bit his lip, and then looked down at his fingers again. He pressed down on the pedals a few times, making the piano creak a bit.

He cleared his throat and pressed down, and a haunting melody drifted through the house.

His voice came in, deep and soothing.

_I wish I was strong. Enough to lift. Not one but both of us._

_Someday...I will be strong. Enough to lift. Not one but both of us. _

Zach stopped singing, but he kept playing the piano, muttering a few words here and there.  
>"Did you just write that?" I grinned. He nodded.<p>

"Yea. I'll add more once I can think of more lyrics."

"Will you sing more?"

"Sure," he smiled. I could tell he hadn't done this in a while – his fingers would slip once in a while, he didn't feel as familiar with the piano as he used to.

_Pardon me there what's your problem  
>See I've been saving up<br>For a time like this to come I need some change in my cup  
>So what you're a scarlet letter, now the secrets out<br>The journey you're on one day we'll maybe teach about  
>So what you say, don't abuse it<br>So what you say, please don't lose it  
>So what you gonna do when the doings done<br>And with nothing to hide, no excuses  
>You'll have a story to go with these bruises<br>It's kinda hard to shine when you hide your face  
>And still with nothing to hide no excuses<br>Having trouble believing you're truth is  
>At the end of the day you're not to blame<br>Nobody could see this coming, it's kinda funny how  
>We test to see if our dreams will, ever fizzle out<br>So what take me back to Sunday, where we felt before  
>The new words I'm saying to you, no you know you want some more<br>So what you say, easy is harder  
>So what you say, difficult is smarter<br>So what you gonna do when the doings done  
>And with nothing to hide, no excuses<br>You'll have a story to go with these bruises  
>It's kinda hard to shine when you hide your face<br>And still with nothing to hide no excuses  
>Having trouble believing you're truth is<br>At the end of the day you're not to blame  
>But making up your mind is<br>Trying to divide this  
>Breaking it down so fast<br>Nobody could see this coming, it's kinda funny how  
>You test to see if your dreams will ever fizzle out<br>And with nothing to hide, no excuses  
>You'll have a story to go with these bruises<br>It's kinda hard to shine when you hide your face  
>And still with nothing to hide no excuses<br>Having trouble believing you're truth is  
>At the end of the day you're not to blame<br>Still with nothing to hide, no excuses  
>You'll have a story to go with these bruises<br>It's kinda hard to shine when you hide your face _

He stopped, and for some reason I felt like crying. His voice brought so many memories to me that I felt overwhelemed. Those happy summers sitting here at the piano, singing and laughing and eating ice cream.

"I loved that," was all I could get out. I laughed, hugging him. He hugged my back.

"I missed playing. I didn't realize it until now," I could feel him grinning on my shoulder.

"Don't stop. Don't ever stop. You, Mr. Goode," I pulled back and looked at him. "are one talented boy."

"Why, thank you," he smirked cockily at me.

"Oh, you give the boy a compliment and he starts smirking uncontrollably," I muttered.

He pressed his lips down on mine, silencing me.

And all felt right with the world.

**I hope you guys liked this chapter! Yes. Zach sings. Who doesn't love a musical boy?[': **

**The song in this chapter is Nothing to Hide by Songs with Friends. **

**Oh – and disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this story, only the plot. **

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	6. Safe With You

_He pressed his lips down on mine, silencing me._

_And all felt right with the world._

**Cammie's POV**

I smiled into the kiss and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. He groaned and took a step forward, leaving no space between our bodies, and threaded his fingers through my long hair.

He broke the kiss and kissed my nose, and then my jaw, and then down my neck.

I sighed happily and clutched onto him, relishing the waves of happiness that took over all of my other emotions. My stomach grumbled, and I looked down at it.

Zach didn't notice since he was still too busy smothering my neck in kisses. So I smirked and suddenly broke away from him, and sprinted to the kitchen.

He stood there dumbfounded for a second.

"Tease!" He shouted at me.

"I'm hungry!" I called back.

I heard him growl and stomp to the kitchen. I turned around from my peanut butter and honey sandwich, an innocent smile on my lips, to see him in the doorway, arms crossed, pouting.

My eyes flicked to his lips, and I couldn't help but notice how full and pink they were.

"Do you need something, dearie?" I snickered.

He glared at me.

I shrugged and turned back around, and cut my sandwich into two triangles, and placed them on a plate. Suddenly, Zach snuck up behind me, kissed the top of my head sloppily, ruffling my hair, and stole the sandwich.

"_Zach_!" I screamed, whirling around.

He was already out of the kitchen and hurtling over the stairs. I sprinted after him, but tripped and fell halfway up the stairs, my head banging on one of the steps. I let out a little shriek.

By this time he was already in his room, and I was sprawled out on the stairway, my head pounding in pain. Great. It was as if since my father wasn't here to hurt me, then I would hurt myself.

Zach must have heard the large thump, since his door flew open.

"Cam? Are you okay?"

I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to move.

"Cammie! I'm sorry...you can have your sandwich back," he ran down and scooped me up, and my eyes fluttered open in shock. Zach speed-walked back into his room and set me down on his bed, placing the plate in my lap.

"Sorry," he said again, a guilty look on his face. "Did you hit your head?"

I nodded, eating the sandwich.

He prodded my head gently and kissed it again, gently this time.

"All better," he said, smiling softly.

I laughed and gave him half of my sandwich.

"All better," I confirmed.

We sat on his bed for the rest of the day, talking, laughing, telling stories, sharing jokes, tickling, teasing, and kissing. I wouldn't have been able to stop smiling if I wanted to. He dropped me off at my house at 8:00 P.M., and I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Today was fun," I smiled. "I hope we'll have more days like today. It felt...right."

Zach smirked and nodded. "Me too, Cammie. I'll sing for you more. Do you want me to come inside and check things out?"

I shook my head no. My father was probably still passed out drunk in his bedroom.

"I'll call you if I need anything," I said.

"Remember our promise," he looked me deep in the eyes. I nodded.

"Good night, Zachy-poo," I teased, scrunching up my nose and grinning.

"Good night, Cammie-bear," he teased back, tapping my nose with his finger. I stuck my tongue out at him and climbed out of his car, up my porch steps, and then into my house.

I expected it to be quiet in the house, with my father still sleeping. It was all dark – no lights were on.

Oh, I was so wrong. There were about seven men in the house, staggering around in the dark, smashing beer bottles against the walls. Their loud laughter nearly burst my eardrums and their slurred speech scared me.

My heartbeat accelerated and I looked back out the door – but Zach had already driven off.

I quickly slunk upstairs into my room, and locked the door. I could still hear them shouting and breaking things, and wondering when this little drunk party of my dad's started.

Hopefully they would be gone tomorrow.

I changed into pajamas, trying to ignore the noises of my dad's 'friends', and crawled into bed. But at every crash and bellow, I flinched. It seemed as though they were getting closer and closer to my door – but I'm sure it was just my imagination.

But then I remembered my promise to Zach.

Well, technically, nothing bad had happened yet. I haven't been hurt, or yelled at, or anything.

But I think having random drunk strangers in my house would count as dangerous...right?

I contemplated between calling him or not, and decided to call him anyway, just to let him know.

...And I might have already been missing him.

I dialed his number and pressed the phone against my ear, burying myself deeper into the covers when I heard some man shout, "_A FEW MORE OF MY FRIENDS ARE COMING!", _and then loud cheers coming from everybody else.

Zach picked up.

"Cammie? Are you alright?" Zach's voice was frantic and worried, and I could imagine his face now. That little crinkle he gets between his eyebrows, his mouth set into a frown.

"I'm perfectly fine. Not hurt or anything," I whispered.

"Then why are you whispering?" he asked, suspicious.

Crap. I shouldn't have called him. He would come over and probably try and make the men leave, and then end up having the living daylights beaten out of him.

"Cammie!" he shouted. "Tell me what's happening."

I sighed. "There are just a few of my dad's drunk friends in the house, that's all. I managed to go upstairs without them seeing me, and I locked my door. I just...I was just thinking about the promise I made you, and figured it would be best to let you know." I did my best to sound calm.

"What the hell? _Drunken men? _In your home? As in like, ten feet away from your door? God damn it, I'm coming over," Zach shouted, and I heard rustling on the other end. I heard his car keys jingle.

"No, Zach! You...you can't! There are a lot of them, Zach, and more are coming. There's only two of us, and we're teenagers. They're full-grown men. We can't take them. They can't get into my room – it's locked. Seriously, I'm going to be fine. It would be dangerous for you to come over," I said in a rush.

"Cammie, do you realize how ridiculous you sound right now? Yea. _Full-grown men. More are coming over._ And for god's sake Cammie, there's this new technique in the modern world called picking locks."

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm.

"There's this new thing in the modern world called alcohol. Yea, you see...when you drink it, you become stupid and slow and you don't think. That's what these men are. Loud, fat, stupid idiots," I snapped back.

It was silent on the other end. I could imagine Zach sitting on the driveway next to his car, car keys in hand, clutching the phone to his ear, the moonlight illuminating his worried green eyes.

His parents were probably sound asleep in their rooms right now.

"I just don't want you to get hurt," he whispered, so low that I could barely hear him.

"I won't. I'm safe for right now. I promise if they pick my lock or whatever, I'll call you. Honest," I whispered back.

He sighed. "I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, you realize that, right Cam? I'll be up for every minute and every hour, just in case you call."

I bit my lip. "Try and get some sleep. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad you called," he said.

"Thank you. You're the only person I can depend on right now, Zach. Thank you for that," I told him.

"You're welcome. I'll always protect you, Cam. Promise. Now get some sleep, alright? Call me if anything happens."

"Will do."

I hung up the phone and placed it right next to me on the pillow, just in case. I glanced at the door, making out the shape of the shiny doorknob through the darkness. I heard more people arrive, and the sound of my dad's familiar drunken laughter made me cringe.

But eventually I fell into a deep, nightmare-filled sleep, the loud crashing sounds of the party making their way into my dreams.

I woke with a start, and looked at the clock. Four in the morning. I looked over to my door and realized that was what had woken me up.

The doorknob was rattling.

And suddenly, the lock clicked.

And it burst open.

I let out a little shriek and jumped up, grabbing my phone, already going to the Z's in my contacts. I had expected my dad to rush in and grab me, but it was a man and a woman, wildly making out, moans erupting out of their throats. The woman had somehow picked my lock with a bobby pin, which she just dropped to the ground now, wrapping her arms and legs around the thick man's body.

I backed away, disgusted, as they fell onto my bed, right where I just was. I was pressed against the wall now, staring in shocked horror.

At first, my heart was beating so fast that I could nearly feel it in the back of my throat, and I was terrified. But now? Now I was just plain angry.

Them being in here felt like they were invading my life even more. I felt like they could just look at my computer and my bed sheets and my pictures and my perfume and clothes and see me, and know me.

I didn't want them in here. My room was the only place in my house that I could be me – where I could hang up pictures of Bex and Mace and Tris and Grant and Lizzie and Jonas and Zach and my mom...

I needed them to get out, _now._

With a new burst of courage and adrenaline, I stomped over to the woman, who was on top of the man, and grabbed her platinum blonde oily hair, yanking her off my bed.

She landed on the floor with a thump.

They looked at me, eyes wide, not knowing that anybody had been in there.

"Get out of my room!" I screeched, opening the door and motioning with my hands for them to get out. My hair was a mess, and my make-up, which I never bothered to take off, was probably smeared. I must have looked like a mad-woman, and if I were in their shoes I would've ran out of there as fast as I could. But they just laughed, and the man got up from my bed, cracking his neck.

Jeez, I was going to have to wash my sheets later.

Several times.

"Oh? And what are you going to do if we don't, little girl?" he sneered.

I didn't have an answer to that – I just flicked on my lights so I could see them better. I was in short-shorts and a tank top, and I grabbed a long wool cardigan and slipped it on over my pajamas.

The man, who was tall and bulky, with brown eyes and dirty blonde hair, cocked an eyebrow.

"You're a pretty one, ain'tcha? Want to come and play with us?" he threw his head back and laughed. But the woman, who just stood up, looked me up and down, a hand slung over her hip, a jealous look in her eyes.

"She's not that pretty," she said.

"Come here," the man walked closer to me. "I won't hurt you."

And that was my cue to run – because that's what people always said before they hurt you. So, cell phone still in hand, I turned around and sprinted out of my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I thanked god that the man was drunk, and he wouldn't be able to catch me.

I just prayed that they didn't have sex on my bed. No amount of washing could get _that_ off of my sheets.

I slipped around dozens of drunk men and women, the stench of sweat and alcohol burning my nostrils. I gagged and stopped once I got outside onto the porch, breathing deeply.

It had been dark in the house, and I hadn't run into my dad or anybody. It seemed as though he forgot I lived there – not like it would've stopped him from having the party in the first place. The numb feeling wrapped around my heart again when I thought of my dad, and I sat down on one of my porch steps and looked up at the stars, wishing that he would be my dad for once. I wanted him to kiss my forehead and ask about school and give me lunch money and give me birthday presents.

A deep voice broke my train of thoughts, and I jumped up.

"Well hello there, little girl. Are you lost?" a man was standing five feet away from me in a dark corner, smoking a cigarette.

"Get the hell away from me," I snapped. I had enough with old, drunken men and being called 'little girl' by them.

Then, I started running to Zach's house, not even waiting to hear his response.

Once I got there, I called his cell phone, and he picked up immediately.

I told him to meet me outside and I slunk down on his driveway, head between my knees.

I felt a gentle stroke on my knotted hair, and he crouched down beside me, and scooped me up.

"It's alright, Cammie. You're safe now," he murmured, carrying me up the stairs. The sweet scent of him was such a relief after all of that alcohol and smoke burning my throat. I nuzzled my face into his neck and breathed deeply.

"It was scary, Zach," I said, my eyes drooping. I felt him place me on his bed, and he crawled in beside me, tucking the blanket around us. "It smelled bad and then they came into my room and the man was a creep and I ran and now I'm tired. I'm so tired, Zach. I'm so tired..."

I was mumbling things that he probably couldn't even understand, but I just needed to say something before I fell asleep.

"Shhh. Sleep, Cammie. It's alright. You're safe now," he crooned, pulling me into his chest.

"Safe..." I breathed out, slipping in and out of consciousness.

"Safe. You'll always be safe when I'm with you," he said.

I smiled slightly and then drifted off to sleep, the comforting rhythm of his hand rubbing my back lulling me to a dreamless sleep.

**I hope you liked this chapter![: **

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	7. Sir Squiggles

_"Shhh. Sleep, Cammie. It's alright. You're safe now," he crooned, pulling me into his chest._

_"Safe..." I breathed out, slipping in and out of consciousness._

_"Safe. You'll always be safe when I'm with you," he said._

_I smiled slightly and then drifted off to sleep, the comforting rhythm of his hand rubbing my back lulling me to a dreamless sleep._

**Cammie's POV**

I woke up, some of my knotted hair caught in my mouth. I crinkled my nose and pulled it out with my hands, groggy. My vision was fuzzy, and I was so warm.

I was so, so warm.

I sighed happily and snuggled closer to the warmth, recognizing Zach's scent immediately. He groaned and pulled me closer to him, kissing the top of my head.

I puffed my cheeks out and blew air on his chest. He laughed and pulled away from me.

"What're you doing?" he whined, rubbing his eyes.

I mumbled incoherent words and flipped over, sweaty, and moving myself so my legs were draped over his stomach and my hair was fanned out on the mattress.

"Get off of me, woman," he growled, taking my legs and plopping them off of him. I opened my eyes then, and I giggled.

"Come here," he said, opening his arms.

"No!" I shouted, sticking out my tongue.

He cocked a playful eyebrow.

"Oh? I see how it is. Fine!" he harrumphed and sat up, crossing his arms across his chest. I mimicked him, sitting up next to him, pouting, arms hugging my body.

We looked at each other in the mirror, and our lips twitched.

We seemed to be thinking the same thing.

I shrieked and jumped up, falling off the bed, just as he lunged for me. I scrambled to my feet and practically flew down the stairs, tripping more than once. I heard his thundering footsteps behind me, and I raced around the piano, going back around in a circle.

"Come here so I can give you a good morning kiss!" he shouted, teasing.

"It's the afternoon!" I shouted back, laughing.

I felt so free. Zach made me feel so free...

His warm arms wrapped around my waist, and he twirled me around. I threw my head back and laughed in delight, and then I clung to him.

"_Afternoon_ kiss," he whispered, his green eyes looking into mine. Zach closed the distance between our mouths, and gently kissed me, his fingertips barely touching my jaw.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled into the kiss.

"Thank you. For last night, I mean. I don't know what I would've done if..." I trailed off lamely, biting my lip.

His grip tightened, arms going around my waist in a tight, long hug. We started swaying back and forth, clutching onto each other.

"Always," was his only response.

"So I guess we're ditching school today," I stared at the clock.

12:32.

"I guess so," Zach nodded.

"Let's eat! I'm hungry," I announced, pulling him to the kitchen.

He rolled his eyes. "You're always hungry."

I shrugged. "I'm a growing girl. I need food."

He picked up my wrist and flopped it around.

"Yes, you do." he agreed.

We raced to the kitchen, and I hopped onto his back. He carried me from cupboard to cupboard, and I grabbed materials from it, making more sandwiches. I reached around his neck and got two cups out, and he bent down so I could put it on the table.

I laughed and he took me to the fridge, where I got juice out.

I might have 'accidentally' spilled some on his shoulder.

"Oopsies!" I screamed, laughing. His shoulder was now purple.

"Cammie..." he growled, threateningly slow.

I knew this would be a chase-catch-kiss situation. But I was too tired to run around anymore. So I clung to his back and sucked on his shirt, the fabric sweet and cold in my mouth.

"Cammie!" he laughed. "That's so gross!"

I let go of his shirt and kissed his neck.

"You love me," I grinned.

"No. You spilled juice on my shoulder."

"You love me," I said again, kissing his cheek.

He huffed, running a hand through his hair.

"God help me, I do."

Zach set me down and planted a sloppy kiss on the top of my head.

"Thank you for sucking juice off of my shoulder."

I giggled. "It was yummy."

He rolled his eyes and we ate. We were acting like children today, and we both knew it.

We both didn't care.

"Let's go on a date today," Zach exclaimed.

I blinked and looked up from my sandwich.

"A date? What kind?"

"Oh, you know!" Zach threw his hands up in the air, thinking. "The cliché dates where we have walks on the beach holding hands, and have picnics, and go to a carnival and I win you a teddy bear. Stuff like that."

"...I want a stuffed koala," I said seriously.

He broke into a grin.

"Then a stuffed koala you must have!" he announced in a British accent, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I shall name him Sir Squiggles! Squigs for short!" I said, running up the stairs to shower. I stopped short, remembering something. I ran back into the kitchen, where Zach was placing the dirty dishes into the sink.

"Wait. I need to go back home and grab clothes." I said.

Zach turned around, and I saw his eyes harden, his jaw set tightly.

"No. I don't want you going back there. Not so soon...they might still be there."

"Can't we just check? I don't wanna walk around looking like this," I gestured down at my pajamas.

He strode over to me in long, powerful strides and cupped my face.

"You're gorgeous in anything, love," he crooned.

I smiled sarcastically and patted his cheek, a little harder than necessary.

"Nice try, darling. But we're still checking to see if they're gone. Stop being so over-protective."

His forehead creased up and his grip tightened.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you," he breathed, his green eyes dark.

My face fell.

"Zach..." I started, looking at the ground. I took a deep breath, trying to get my words to come out in sentences instead of choppy bits and phrases, which happened a lot when I talked about my 'situation.' "None of this is your fault. None of it. You...it barely involves you. I'm not your responsibility, and you don't have to change your whole life so that it revolves around protecting me. I can protect myself."

Zach was silent, and he stepped back from me. His eyes were angry, and I could see a muscle working in his jaw.

"Clearly, Cammie," he spat out, looking at the scrapes and bruises along my arms and legs. I self-consciously hugged myself, wrapping myself in my arms. "Can't you see that this _does _involve me? I'm not forcing myself to protect you, Cammie, I want to. I _need_ to protect you, because I don't want a damned eyelash in your eye to hurt you. I don't want you to even bite your tongue, or get a paper cut, or anything. I would risk my life if it meant saving yours. I wouldn't even blink. Because I fucking love you, Cam," Zach choked. He was half-laughing in disbelief. "God, I love you so much it's ridiculous. It's scary. And to all those people who say we're too young to know what love is – they don't even know...I know that we're real, Cam. Because my heart starts pounding when I look at you while you're asleep, and I want to take you on dates and be your best friend and..."

Zach trailed off, looking at the floor.

I stared at him, and my throat closed up.

A sob escaped my lips, and then I started laughing. It sounded like I was choking, but I didn't care.

He looked up at me, his bright green eyes confused. And I ran over to him and smothered his face in baby kisses. I hugged him a lot harder than necessary, but I didn't care.

"I love you, Zach. Have I ever told you that? I do. I really, really love you. Thank you," I kissed his nose, and then his perfect cheekbones, and I felt his wet eyelashes graze my cheek. "And I'm sorry. For making you worry so much."

He sighed a deep sigh and smiled softly, brushing hair out of my face. The gentle brush of his fingertips against my cheeks sent tingles down my spine, and I hugged him harder, looking up at him.

"Don't be sorry. None of this is your fault. We'll get through this, together," he whispered.

"_We're all in this together!_" I sang.

"No! Cam, never quote High School Musical again. Ever!" Zach laughed. He bent down and pecked a soft kiss on my lips. "But you're right. We are."

We joined hands and walked to my house. The closer we got to it, the harder my grip got on him. He didn't seem to mind – he squeezed reassuringly back. Bex and Grant and everybody else had called him to see if we were okay, and we said that we were having a 'date day', which isn't completely a lie.

Even my lawn was trashed – broken beer bottles strewn everywhere, articles of clothing hanging off of bushes. Some windows were even broken. Zach opened the door, pushing me behind him, to which I rolled my eyes.

The house was abandoned, though, and my dad's car was gone.

"Let's hurry. I don't want them to come back while we're here," Zach ushered me up the stairs. I sprinted upstairs, grabbed clothes, some makeup, my cell phone, shoes, and money, and stuffed it all in my bag. We practically sprinted back to Zach's house, and once we were there we slammed the front door behind us.

"Where are your parents, anyway?" I asked him.

"They're on a business trip this week. That's why they aren't home," he explained. We showered, and I changed into a faded band T-shirt and shorts. I brushed out my hair and grabbed my bag.

"Ready?" Zach asked, coming down the stairs.

"Yes! Where are we going, anyway?" I smiled at him, holding my hand out for him to take. He grabbed it, and dug out car keys.

"Where else? The place of corny dates. A carnival, silly bunny," he teased.

I rolled my eyes and got in the car. I was actually wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. Most of my bruises have faded, and a lot of my cuts have healed. The worst injury was the one on my head, but that was covered by my hair, and as of right now it was mostly scabbed over.

I sighed and rolled the window down, loving the feeling of wind flying through my hair. We got there, and Zach went around to open the door for me.

"Your lady-ness," he exclaimed with a flourish, bowing.

"Your manly-ness," I said back.

"I believe it is your highness, Missy," he chastised me.

"Terribly sorry," I stuck my tongue out at him. He paid for our admission, much to my complaint, and immediately we were surrounded by music and dancing and people and lights and rides.

I laughed in delight.

Zach smiled and swung our hands back and forth between us.

"You like it here?"

"I love it. Now, phase one for our super-corny-movie-like-date: Get me a stuffed koala!" I playfully kicked his butt, clad in dark blue jeans, and he went to a booth where they had stuffed koalas hanging on the rows of prizes.

"What do I have to do to get a stuffed koala?" Zach shouted to the man tending the booth, slamming his hands down on it.

He explained that you had to shoot water through the little hole thing, and if you did it for a long enough amount of time, a buzzer would sound and you would get a stuffed koala.

Of course, Zach, being perfect at everything in the world, got it on his first try. He gave me Sir Squiggles, grinning widely.

"Squigs! I'm so glad you're mine now," I hugged it tightly. Zach rolled his eyes and took my hand again, dragging me over to a photo booth.

"Thank you," I went on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek, but he turned his face so I got his lips.

"You're welcome," he smirked.

"Time for phase two. Pictures," he announced. We put five dollars in and climbed into the booth. We sat there, staring at the screen blankly for the longest time.

"How do you work this thing?" I laughed, reaching forward to look for any buttons. There were none. We sat back, our faces confused. A flash illuminated the booth, and a camera clicked.

"What? We weren't ready!" I screamed at the booth. We started laughing hysterically, and it clicked again.

Then, knowing when the flashes would go off now, Zach kissed my cheek, and I crinkled my nose up and smiled. It flashed.

Then I threw my arms around Zach's neck, grinning broadly. Another click. We had one left.

"Family photo!" Zach shouted, and brought Squigs up. We held him up, and smiled so big that we must have looked insane. The final flash went off.

Zach held open the curtain for me, and we climbed outside. The photo came out after a few seconds, and I looked at it.

They were ridiculous and stupid and I loved them.

I tucked them into my bag.

"Phase three: scary roller coaster," Zach pointed at a huge wooden death contraption, and screams filled my ears. My eyes widened.

"How about, phase three: eat hot dogs 'til we barf and cotton candy 'til we barf?" I tried.

He shook his head. "Nuh-uh. You are not getting out of this one, Cammie-bear. We're going on it whether you like it or not."

The name of the roller coaster was called Death Trap.

I stared at the sign.

"I sincerely hope that it doesn't bring justice to its name," I muttered.

We got in line, and we joked and laughed and talked about everything, and for a while I forgot what we were in line for. We both haven't been this carefree in a very long time – too long, and it felt nice to have an entire day with your boyfriend, your best friend, and just have fun.

"Zach?" I smiled up at him. He was holding Squigs for me, and seeing a stuffed koala peeking out of his toned arms made me laugh a bit.

Zach smirked down at me. "Cam?"

"Thank you. This is...this is really fun. It's a good break from our normal lives, ya know?"

His smirk softened into a smile, and he tucked a piece of hair behind my ears.

"Yea. It is. We should do corny date-days more often. It's fun."

"Awh, who know Zachary Goode had a romantic side?" I teased.

"Nobody but you," he growled, then kissed my nose.

I rolled my eyes, but then stiffened, seeing that we were next to get on the Death Trap.

"Sir Squiggles is afraid," I squeaked out.

Zach snorted. "Oh, I don't think it's Squigs who's afraid, Cammie."

I nodded vigorously, and he shook his head.

"It's okay, you can hold my hand," he smirked.

I punched his shoulder, but then brought it down to hold his hand anyway. The song Bones came on by Young Guns, and Zach started singing softly under his breath.

"We're all architects of our own private hell, no one can hurt us like we hurt ourselves. I've seen down the end of the road, now I deal in a different story, and I will never let go again. I feel it in my bones, bones, bones...I feel it in my bones, bones, bones...And I know I'm not alone."

"You, mister, should tour the world," I told him.

He snorted. "I'll become the next Taylor Swift."

I beamed. "I love Taylor Swift."

"And you love me, too," he laughed.

We climbed on the roller coaster, after placing Sir Squiggles into a little cubby and telling him to stay put, and we started inching up, the fatal clicks of the cart clicking into place on the tracks making my heart hammer faster.

"Have I ever told you I'm afraid of heights?" I squeaked.

"Yes, you have actually. We're not that high, Cam. It's alright," he reassured me.

I looked down. The people looked like tiny dots.

"Why do you lie to me?" I wailed.

Zach just grabbed my hand.

"Get ready!" but his warning was drowned out by the sound of my stomach floating up, and my ear-splitting shriek mixing in with everybody else's as we flew down the tracks.

"Zach, I hate you!" I cried, laughing and screaming at the same time. I was clutching his arm that was around my shoulder, squeezing his fingers.

He just laughed, pulling me as close as the seat belts would allow. After it was over we got off, and I was dizzy and slightly nauseous. I groaned, hugging Squigs to me after Zach brought him back.

"You okay?" Zach's hand came up to rub my back, and I nodded.

"I need food," I groaned.

"Alright. Let's go get you some hot dogs 'til you barf," he led me to a little picnic table with an umbrella on it for shade, and walked off to the food booth. I placed my head down on Squigs and took deep breaths. By the time Zach was back, I was much better. I drank the soda and ate the hot dog, and we went on a bunch of other rides, and played a bunch of other games at booths.

By the time the sun was setting, we were both sweaty, dirty, and tired. A relaxed grin was plastered on both of our faces, and we walked towards the car.

We drove to Zach's house, and I lingered on his driveway, wondering if I should go back home or not. What if my dad was passed out drunk somewhere, drowning in his own vomit? Or what if the police arrive and see the mess, but nobody's there?

"Cam? You coming?" Zach was on his porch, holding the front door open.

"I think...I think that I should go home, Zach, just for a little," I said.

His eyes immediately hardened.

"Why, Cammie? I don't get it! Why do you keep on insisting on going back home when all that's waiting for you there is the man that hurts you practically every day? The man that's supposed to love you unconditionally? There's nothing good for you there!"

"I don't know, Zach! Maybe it's because some tiny, stupid part of me still loves my father? Have you ever thought of that? Maybe I'm hoping that one day I'll come home and everything will be different, and he'll hug me and tell me that he's sorry, and that he didn't know why he's been doing what he's been doing these past few years! Maybe I'm hoping that my mom will come home and control him! Maybe I'm hoping that...maybe I'm hoping that I'll have a family again." My voice slowly became softer, and I sagged against his car, clutching Squigs to my chest.

I heard him walk over, the front door closing again. He pulled me into his arms, bending a little, so that his head was nuzzled into my neck. My hair was moving from his exhales of breath, and Sir Squiggles was pressed in-between our chests.

Zach silently turned his head and placed a slow, lasting kiss on my jaw, his lips lingering on my skin. And then turned his head and continued hugging me, breathing me in. His smell enveloped me, calming me down.

"Zach?" I asked.

"Mmm?"

"If...if we have a baby...he or she will have a better life than I do, right? We wouldn't let anything _ever_ happen to our baby, right?"

His grip tightened, and he murmured against my neck, " No. Of course not. When we have a baby, he or she will be safe and sound, and they'll have two extremely loving parents who will spoil it to death."

I smiled, because he said 'when we have a baby', not 'if we have a baby'.

I nodded and sighed contently. He still didn't let go of me, and we rocked back and forth on our driveway. For a moment I imagined Squigs being our baby – with Zach's green eyes, but my blonde hair, pressed in-between our chests as we hugged, a family.

The baby would lack bruises and cuts, and would be glowy and healthy and happy, and never know pain. Suddenly, a sharp voice broke us out of our little world.

"Zach? Cam? Care to explain why there are bloody beer bottles all over Cammie's lawn, and why there's blood dripping down her hair?" Bex, Grant, Liz, Jonas, Tristan and Macey stood their, hands on hips, eyebrows cocked, scared confusion written all over their faces.

We hadn't even heard them drive up, then park and get out of their cars. We must've been out of it.

I pulled away from Zach, who brought a hand to the back of my head. It seemed to have opened up again. He pulled it away, and it was bloody.

"Shit," he murmured. "How did we not notice that?"

"Did he hurt you again? Are you alright, Cam?" Tristan walked up, examining my head.

I nodded. "I'm fine. It's an old wound, but it opened up again."

Suddenly, a familiar old rattling engine noise came from a few few down the street.

"Crap. Crap! That's my dad!" I exclaimed, eyes wide.

We stood there in shock for a second.

"Quick, everybody get inside," Zach ordered, tugging on my hand. I quickly grabbed Liz's, who was closest to me, and she grabbed Grant.

We all sprinted inside and shut the door, slamming it. We went to Zach's living room and peeked out the window.

My dad's car was parked in front, and he was getting out of it.

He saw me.

**You guys. **

**You guys.[: **

**You guys are the best readers ever. I love you guys. I only had six chapters up, and I was already at 143 reviews! You're amazing. **

**Thank you so much for your prayers and reassurance, it really makes me feel better. **

**I hope you liked this chapter – it was a lot happier than the other ones. **


	8. The White Piano

_We all sprinted inside and shut the door, slamming it. We went to Zach's living room and peeked out the window._

_My dad's car was parked in front, and he was getting out of it._

_He saw me._

**Cammie's POV**

"Crap!"

That was the only thing I could think of to say.

So I said it again.

"_Crap!" _

Panic filled my system, and my hands started trembling.

"Cammie, go out the back door," Zach growled. "Now."

Usually I would scold him for being so alpha-male and bossy, but right now I did what he said.

"If I go, we all go. Come on," I tugged on Liz's hand, who was the closest to me, and we started crawling frantically towards the kitchen, hoping my father wouldn't see us through one of the windows.

My knees hurt, and the tile was cool under my palms.

If you had looked in and hadn't known what was going on, and saw eight teenagers crawling around on the floor, you probably would've found it extremely hysterical.

I almost wanted to start giggling myself – that was probably because I was turning a bit hysterical, though.

"_Cameron Morgan. _I can _see _you," I heard him growl from outside.

I automatically whimpered and winced at the sound of his voice.

I felt Zach stiffen by my side.

I stopped crawling and swallowed thickly.

"Come here, Cameron."

I sat up, and felt everyone else sit up, too.

Zach grabbed my left hand, and Macey grabbed my right.

My voice shook as I called out, "No."

My father was standing outside a the door, which had glass on it so he could see in and we could see out. The placed panes morphed his figure a little bit, not letting us see each other clearly.

I watched his expression go from confused to amused to a bit hysterical, to just down-right furious. Sometimes I wondered if my father was mentally ill.

I am dead serious here. I'm not even trying to insult him.

I really do wonder that sometimes.

"No?" He guffawed. _"No_? Are you disrespecting my others, young lady? Come out here, _now._ We'll talk about this at home."

"And by 'talk', do you mean you calling me a 'bitch' and pummeling me until I'm almost dead?" I cried out. "Why don't you just do it then, huh? Daddy? Why don't you just fucking _kill me_?"

There was a long silence after that.

None of my friends spoke, but I could feel their wide eyes trained on me.

I was shaking from all of the emotion – too much. It was too much. I was so sad...I was just so sad, but angry, and I didn't know how to contain it.

So I just kept on talking.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot. You don't want to go to jail for killing your own daughter. Always comes back down to you, doesn't it, Daddy? _You selfish drunk_."

More silence.

Zach let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, kissing my cheek but leaving his lips there, lingering.

A silent, comforting act.

One I was grateful for. It calmed me down, and I took shaky, deep breaths.

I heard my father sigh and go to the car.

A door slammed.

We all sighed, and I placed a hand on my heart, feeling my skin pulsate from the pressure it was beating.

"God, Cam..."

It was the only thing Tristan could think of to say.

"Are you alright?" Jonas asked, breaking away from Liz to come and rub my back.

"Yea," I forced a smile onto my face, swallowing back the tears, tipping my head back so they wouldn't flow out. "I'm just fine."

"Would this be an appropriate time to say, 'bullcrap'?" Bex retorted.

Zach nodded. "Very appropriate, I think."

I snorted and rolled my eyes at them.

We sat there for a while, calming down.

But just as my heart rate was back down to normal, the back-door slammed.

We forgot to lock it.

Liz let out a shriek, and Jonas was immediately there to grab her hand. We all stood up, and I felt Macey let go of my hand, but Zach grabbed on again. I impatiently tore some hair out of my eyes, whipping my neck around.

My legs were trembly, but I stood my ground and held my chin high.

And from the kitchen and into the hallway came my father...and my mom.

I froze.

My mom.

_My mom was here. _

That car door slamming hadn't been my father getting in.

_It was my mom getting out. _

"Momma...?" I asked quietly, using a name I always used for her when I was a toddler.

"Momma!" I shrieked again, rushing forward to hug her. Zach let me go, smiling slightly. I always told him how much I missed my mother, how I rarely got to see her. I practically charged towards her, expecting her to open her arms, and I would be enveloped in that rose perfume she always wore, and cropped, dirty blonde hair would tickle my cheeks.

But I felt a fist smash into my face.

My father's.

And several things happened at once.

Macey shrieked my name. Bex started cursing. Liz let out a sob. Jonas choked on the air he was breathing in and whispered my name. Tristan shouted something about hell. And Grant and Zach flew forward, fists clenched, towards my parents.

I fell to the floor, clutching my jaw.

My birth parents.

The ones who were supposed to protect me the most. The ones who were supposed to call me 'sweetie' and give me embarrassing hugs in public, and take me to surprise birthday parties, and force me to go on dorky family game nights with them, and stuff like that.

My father was supposed to get all up in Zach's face and ask what his 'intentions' with me were. He would tell Zach to treat me right, or he would be in for an ass-whooping. He would call me his 'little girl' and spoil me, and ruffle my hair.

My mom was supposed to bake, and sing, and wear dresses and take me shopping, and hold me while I cried and ranted about boys. She was supposed to braid my hair and watch chick flicks with me.

_What was this? What kind of a demented, messed-up life am I living? _

And for a second, I just wanted to let go. I wanted this to end. Because death...or whatever afterlife there was, had to be better than this.

But then I heard Zach cry out, and I snapped out of it.

No. Nothing would be good for me if I didn't have Zach and my friends.

They were my life, what made life worth living.

My vision got blurry, and I felt warm, sticky, rust-smelling blood run down my face. I felt my head hit the tile, and through the doorway, I saw the white piano. The white piano that Zach had played on, sang to me on. Where his rough but gentle fingers glided over the keys, making a gorgeous melody.

The place where he sang to me about never hiding my face, to always shine and make the most out of everything – out of life.

So beautiful.

The piano was so, so beautiful, in the midst of my messed-up life. A thing of beauty in all the ugly. The white in all the black, the bright in the dark.

"Cammie? Cammie! Are you okay?" Bex sat me up, and my head spun again. I was broken out of my thoughts, and saw Zach, Grant and my dad pummeling each other. Swears tainted the air, and there was blood.

My mother simply stood aside, watching the scene unfold.

"Stop," I croaked. "_Stop_!"

For some reason, they listened to me.

"_Mom_?" I cried out desperately. "Didn't you see what Dad just _did _to me? He _abuses_ me, Mom! Don't you care at all?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, stop being so _dramatic, _Cameron. Abused," she scoffed out. "I doubt he even hits you _that_ hard, nothing to call child services on, you big baby."

I stared at her.

I think we all did, except for my dad, who stood there with a triumphant grin on his face.

Disbelief.

That was the expression that was glued to each of my friends' faces.

Disbelief.

Tears rolled down my cheek at her words.

I've always dreamed of telling her – telling her that the life she's left me with hadn't been as good as she'd thought. And in every single dream and fantasy, she would be on my side.

_She would be on my side. _

"_Excuse_ me? Dramatic? Cammie is not. Being. Dramatic. With all due respect -" Zach paused. "I take that back, Mrs. Morgan. No respect intended at _all_, Cammie's had broken bones. Head injuries, concussions, major bruises and cuts...if that's not being abused, then what the hell is? Dying?"

My father narrowed his eyes at him.

"And who the hell are you to talk to my wife like that? The queen of England?"

Zach snorted and cocked his head, raising a challenging eyebrow. He had a forming bruise on his left cheek, and there was some blood running down his right hand.

"Do I seriously look like a queen to you, Mr. Morgan? I am clearly a boy, and queens must be _female_, last time I've checked. And unless rule in England just got _seriously_ messed up, that is still the rule. And I'm Cammie's boyfriend. Who the hell are you to _hit_ her like that?"

I stepped up to Zach and clutched his hand. Talking back to my father was not a good idea, not a good idea at all.

"Zach," I muttered. "Let it go."

"He's not gonna just _let it go_!" Grant practically roared. "None of us are! We're going to call child services, and show them what you do to Cammie, and what you just did to Zach and I."

He motioned to his forming black eye and bruises.

A large pang of guilt stabbed at my chest, knowing that their injuries were my fault. This is what I've been trying for five years to save them from – pain.

"Well you see," my mother smirked. "She can't. Because she has nowhere else to go – and she doesn't want to leave her darling friends behind if she has to be adopted by another family somewhere far away."

Her tone was taunting.

My hand tightened around Zach's.

I heard his breathing, labored and heavy, hitch. He was getting so angry, he was trembling.

"You put up with all of this...for us?" Bex whispered. "Just so you could be with us?"

I looked back at her and smiled softly. "You guys are the only family I have. I couldn't just leave you guys behind – because family, true family, doesn't do that. They never leave each other, no matter how painful the circumstances."

She just looked at me and smiled, smiled so big I could see her straight, perfect teeth.

I turned back around.

"_Boyfriend_?" my parents said at the same time.

I snorted. Late reaction there.

"Who said you could be in a romantic relationship, Cameron? You're lucky I even let you go and hang out with your friends!" my father roared.

"You never said I _couldn't_ be in one. And by 'letting me go', do you mean being so drunk that you don't even notice me leaving?" I snapped back.

_Who's talking back now_, I scolded myself.

"And you!" I glared at my mother. "All of those times you came home...that's why you never asked me why I wore so much foundation and concealer, and long sleeves all the time, huh? Because you knew. You knew all this time and you didn't do a thing. Is that why you're never home? Because you didn't want to deal with all of this violence? Or were you scared you were going to become a victim, too?"

"She's never _home_ because she doesn't want to look at your disgusting face," my father snapped back.

"Oh? So you're pro child abuse _and_ you can't talk for yourself? Some mother I have," I muttered.

My father stepped forward as if to hit me, but Zach practically growled at him, also stepping forward.

"Your father's right, Cameron. You're a disgrace. I'm ashamed to call you my daughter," she said icily. Then my mother, Momma...she spun on her heel, making her way to the front door and into the car.

"Momma?" I whispered.

She stopped in her tracks, and for a second I thought she was going to turn around and hug me like she used to.

Her shoulders slumped for a second, but them she set them right back up again.

Everything was silent, dead silent.

She turned around, and our gazes locked.

"I'm not your Momma anymore."

And with that, the door slammed shut.

**Hello, everybody.[:**

**Please read this.**

**It's Embyr. Obviously...xD I haven't talked to you guys in a while...I haven't been replying to reviews or anything, and I'm terribly sorry about that. I actually miss you guys, ahahah. But anyway, I think from now on I'm going to put a quote for each chapter – with all of my other stories, too. So if any of you guys read Wanted, Forbidden, I'm Only Me When I'm With You, Realize, Captured, Stuck, or Cuts, then yea. **

_**Be yourself, because everyone else is taken. -Oscar Wilde**_

**And, god. I know what you're thinking. **

**Embyr? Cheesiest quote ever. EVER. **

**And I know it is. I know it is. **

**But...it's true. It's so freaking true. **

**I've spent my whole life, _my whole entire life_, trying to fit in. I've been trying to be what's socially acceptable, so that the 'popular' people would like me. I've been faking smiles and laughs and going to events that I really didn't wanna go to that much.**

**And for a while, I was content. People liked me, I didn't have a bad reputation. **

**But then...one day it kinda all just hit me, you know? One day when my friend (who I write this story for) came to my house asking to crash, all banged up...I just started thinking as she slept in my bed. One day, I'm going to die. It might be someday soon – it might be someday in the distant future. And on my last day on Earth, I don't want to be thinking, "I've spent all my life being somebody that wasn't me." **

**And it scared the crap out of me. It really, really did. And suddenly, I didn't want to be who I was anymore. I didn't care if people liked me. It only mattered if I was being true to myself. Because as selfish as this sounds, it kind of all comes back down to yourself – you live for yourself, not for your friends, or your family, or anybody. Everybody has their own life that they need to accomplish something in – their own, and nobody else's. **

**So please.**

**Please go be yourself. Go live your weird, beautiful, spontaneous, boring, hilarious, dirty, goody-goody, nerdy, wild life. **

**Whoever you are, go be you. Please? Because no matter what people think of you now...does it even matter? If they don't like who you truly are, kindly tell them to _bleep_ off and get on with your life.**

**And I'm sorry for my rant, and if you read through it, thank you so, so much. Because us, the kids of the world...we need to live for the ones who don't have a chance to, okay? Who are being abused or have a disease, or are already gone.**

**Because all of us are alive, but not all of us live. **


	9. Treading Water

_"Momma?" I whispered._

_She stopped in her tracks, and for a second I thought she was going to turn around and hug me like she used to._

_Her shoulders slumped for a second, but them she set them right back up again._

_Everything was silent, dead silent._

_She turned around, and our gazes locked._

_"I'm not your Momma anymore."_

_And with that, the door slammed shut._

**Cammie's POV**

A ringing filled my ears, pulsing around in my head. I could feel tears prick the back of my eyes, desperate, hot, hysterical tears, but I pushed them back forcefully. I stared wide-eyed at the shut door, and listened to the engine of my father's truck rev on and the car accelerate down the street towards my house. Memories of my mother and I singing and laughing together in the kitchen baking cookies on Christmas morning, opening birthday presents, going out for ice cream together...all of those happy memories I had lived my miserable life on were _fake_. All of those smiles and laughs and when she wiped away my sad tears, all of her compassion was fake.

"I...I don't understand," I whispered to myself. "It was all...a lie? She _knew_? And she didn't do anything about it? I'm the reason she's never home..."

"Cammie-"

I shook my head and stood up, fists clenched at my sides. "No. _No. _You are not going to comfort me right now. My father was right...I'm the reason she got a job so far away..."

Emotions raged inside my body, making it hard for me to breathe. I stumbled out the door, half-blind. Spots were dancing in my vision, but I didn't care. I heard Zach calling after me, but I ignored him. What if my father was right? What if I didn't deserve anybody in this world – what have I ever done in my life to deserve Zach? Zach, my best friend...my lover. Sweet, caring, compassionate Zach. Who's always been there for me. I've never been there for him nearly as much as he has. I've never thought about other peoples' problems as much as my own – never asked how my friends were doing.

My feet slapped the pavement as I ran away, no destination in mind. I heard footsteps behind me, not trying to catch me, just keeping up with me. I ran harder, trying to get away. They quickened their pace too, right behind me.  
>We ran and ran and ran, sweat pouring down my back as the clouds got heavier, circling in the sky as the sharp wind picked up. After a while, I got fed up and stopped, whirling around.<p>

"Stop!" I shrieked. As expected, it was Zach behind me. He was breathing hard, as I was, and his eyes were emerald pools of sadness. "Stop following me!"

His jaw set and his eyes glinted. "No."

I went up to him and pushed his chest, making him step back once. "I _mean _it, stop! Stop!" My voice was going high with desperation and despair, cracking.

He caught my wrists gently, bringing me to him.

"No, no, no..." I thrashed around in his grip until he let me go, pushing him again. "Get away from me! I don't – I don't deserve you, I don't deserve you."

I shook my head rapidly, looking at the ground. Fat drops of rain were falling around us now, the air getting damp. I watched as the white sidewalk started getting spots of darkness. A pure thing, slowly getting tinged with evil until it was completely black and soulless.

Like my life.

"_Cammie_," Zach took a cautious step forward, reaching out his hand.

"You need to get away from me, Zach. I don't want you here, I don't _want you to be here!_"

"I don't care. I'm _staying_."

"You need to go, you need to go. I want you to go _away, get away from me. _You're too good, too good -" I gasped in lungfuls of air, my whole body shaking so hard it was practically convulsing. I swallowed thickly as the tears finally burst from my eyes and ran down my cheeks, dripping off my chin and joining the rain on the sidewalk we were standing on. I was slowly backing up, my face distorted by anger. "You're too good, Zach. You're light. You – you need to get away from me before you turn dark, _please, please just go. _I don't want you to lose your light, _GO!"_

The last word ripped from my throat painfully and echoed around us, repeating itself over and over again. Zach looked at me, his expression one I've never seen before. But I realized what it was. Zach was afraid. Zach was _scared, _for me or of me, I didn't know.

"Please, Cammie...you don't know what you're saying. I'm _not_ too good...please _look at me_!"

"No." I started backing up faster, practically in a backwards jog, my eyes wild and crazed. Lightning cracked and thunder sounded in the sky, the rain falling harder. I welcomed the cold, hard splats on my face. I didn't deserve to be warm, I was useless, _useless. _

"_Cammie!_" Zach shouted, rage filling his face.

His rage just added to my anger, and more thunder cracked. "_No! Just get away!_" I shouted back at him. I quickly turned and sprinted as hard as I could down the sidewalk, passing houses, their lights blurring in the side of my vision as I pushed myself harder, faster than I ever have before. Rain shot at my face painfully, but I didn't care.

I didn't care about anything but getting away, I had to get away.

Suddenly, I ran into a park, trees surrounding the playground, but I slipped on a puddle and went sprawling. My hands slapped the pavement, wood chips cutting into my palms and making tiny little cuts. The knees of my pants were black with mud, but I got up anyway. But that little fall was enough to let Zach catch up to me.

He simply tackled me back to the ground, pinning me down.  
>"Stop it! Let me <em>go<em>!" I wailed. His hard weight pressed me down, warming me up, his scent intoxicating me. Sobs ripped from my throat as I squirmed pathetically.

"Zach, _please_, I don't want you here. I don't want _anyone _here, I just want to be alone!"

"Well you and I both know that if I leave you alone, you're going to hurt yourself. Just _calm down, _Cammie, calm down!"

My breaths were coming in sharp gasps, hiccups erupting from my throat from the crying. Hot tears continuously spilled out of my eyes, as I struggled with him. He gripped my wrists harder.

"Just stop fighting."

I squeezed my eyes shut and fought harder.

"Cammie, I _swear to God_, it's useless! Just _stop!_" Zach's firm voice echoed around the dark playground, the swings creaking slightly in the wind.

So with one last attempt, I let my body go limp under his. His familiar warmth stopped my shivering, but my stomach was heaving from my sobs.

I could feel bile raising up in my stomach, and I gave a little gag.

"Zach, I need to-I'm going to-"

He realized what I was saying and let go of me, and I crawled a little to the side and spilled the contents of my stomach, the acid burning my throat. I gagged and coughed, quickly standing up, realizing my opportunity.

But I could barely stand, and after a few feet I stumbled. Zach was there, as he always was, and caught me. I shoved against his warmth, his light.

"Don't you get it, Zach? I'm trying to _save_ you. I'm trying to let you stay pure, I don't want to pollute you with my darkness." I was begging him now, and I raised my hands to his chest to push him away for the thousandth time that night, but ended up just fisting it into his hoodie. "If you stay around me, you're going to be tainted and messed up, just like I am."

Rain was dripping down my hair and off my eyelashes, and I started shivering again. My cheeks were hot and flushed from the never-ending tears, as memories of this afternoon played over and over again in my mind.

_I'm not your Momma anymore. I'm not your Momma anymore._

"She's not my Momma anymore," I let out quietly. My nails bit into my palm, which were already scratched from the stupid wood chips. "She used to be my Momma. What...where is she, Zach? _Where's my Momma_?"

Zach looked at me, his eyebrows pulled tightly together as his eyes closed, his jaw clenching and unclenching. "She's still there, Cammie. Somewhere deep down – that woman is still your Momma. I – I don't know how deep, but I know she's there. Your whole relationship couldn't have been fake, it couldn't have been. You just have to keep digging."

I finally let go and sagged against him, my whole body trembling. He pulled me into his arms and sat, leaning against a tall light pole. It clicked on the moment he touched it.

"I don't have the strength to hold up my shovel anymore." I whispered. "I don't have the strength to be light anymore. Because only strong people can be good, truly good – the weak always go corrupted, tainted, crazy. I'm going crazy, Zach. I'm not strong enough to hold onto my sanity. I just can't do it. And if I stay around you, I'm going to suck away your strength too, just like my father did to me."

"Cammie. Cammie...God, I don't know many things. I'm seventeen, and I'm a stupid teenage boy. I don't do life-lessons. But Cam...if you're not good then I don't know what is. I truly can't think of a stronger person than you, I can't..." he let out a bitter laugh. "It's definitely not me. If I were put through what you've been through, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be empty, a shell, I wouldn't laugh, I...Cammie, you have to believe that you're not crazy. _You're not crazy. _You believe me, don't you? I would never lie to you, would I? I promise I would never lie to you, _please..._just don't push yourself away. I wouldn't be able to handle it, I couldn't...I cant. I can't do it, I can't do it without you. I can't do _life_ without you, please."

I didn't know what to say to that. My heart was ripped into tiny little pieces and then stomped upon, and some pieces may have been lost.

"Can you find them?" I asked him, my arms winding around his neck, my voice quiet.

Zach blinked at me, bring a hand up and wiping away my last tear. "Find what? I'll go to the ends of the earth for you – whatever you want, I'll give it to you."

"My heart. I think some pieces are missing. You'll find them for me, won't you? And then sew it back up so that it's all better?" I closed my eyes and laid my head down in the crook of his neck. Zach's warmth filled me up with longing, longing for a better life, longing for a _purpose_.

"I'll try, baby. I'll try, I promise."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Anything."

"Zach?"

"Mmm?" his lips were pressed up against the top of my head, and his hand was lovingly cupping my cheek. He pulled back and kissed my eyelids, and then my nose. He got to my lips and pressed a lingering one there. He didn't seem to care that I had just thrown up. A raindrop fell from his hair and landed on my cheek. He started kissing my neck softly, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer.

"I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. None of this, _none of this_, is your fault. Do you understand? I mean it."

He nuzzled his face into my neck, breathing deeply. My eyes were half-closed, and exhaustion came over me in a wave. My moms' face flashed before me in my head, her smile, her fake smile. "I don't know if I want to dig, Zach. I don't want to go back to that hellhole. I – I need to get out. I need to get out."

"I'll get you out, baby, I promise. I'll get you out."

Zach was my last lifeline, my floating device. I was neck-deep in water and he was the only thing lovingly holding me up. It was crazy how I had him, crazy why I had him. I could live life a million times over and still not deserve him, but I didn't care. Not right now, anyway. I gave myself one selfish wish and clung to him, letting him comfort me and rock me back and forth, in the rain and under the flickering streetlight. But sooner or later, I had to learn to swim without him. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that day to come yet. But it's getting closer, and there's nothing I could do to stop the waves.

**Holy lord that was an emotional chapter.**

**Maybe that was just me? I was feeling so much while writing this that my fingers were practically having seizures on my keyboard. I dunno if it's the same reading it, but writing it I was feeling desperate and angry and sad along with Cam and Zach. **

**So how are you guys? [: I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in forever. Honestly, how are you? Are you doing good? I really do hope so. **

**Quote this chapter: Someday we will find what we are looking for. Or maybe we won't. Maybe we'll find something much greater than that. -Unknown**

**So keep looking, okay guys? Because I know that there are plenty of people considering suicide out there – I have no idea if any of my readers are like that, but if you are...hear me out? **

**It can't hurt, right? **

**Because if it feels like you have nobody in your life that cares if you go or not...I promise you you will, or do. I promise, I promise. You just have to keep going, and you'll find your light, the person who is going to bind you to this Earth and you'll feel alive and happy and amazing and you'll be _so _glad that you stayed for them. Even if it feels like you don't deserve them, you do. No matter what you did, I promise whoever, God or your parents or whoever, forgave it. And eventually...you're going to have to forgive yourself. **

**So try, okay? Try and forgive yourself and the people around you, because people make mistakes. Sometimes small mistakes, sometimes huge, scary, terrible mistakes. **

**A mistake is a mistake, right? **

**Some people don't have a choice to live – and you do. Are you really going to take away yours when other people are fighting for theirs? **

**Brighter days are ahead of you. You have to push through the clouds to see the rainbow, right? You have to swim through the ocean to get to land? **

**So put down the blade, go outside, and think. You can't run away from your problems forever, ya know? Remember all the good things in life – sunshine and the smell of the rain and lollipops and the ocean and swimming with your friends and ice cream...and just...think. **

**I dunno. Yea. **

**Please.**

**Moving on from my emotional long speech~**

**You guys? I got 40 reviews last chapter. Like...IS THIS REAL? You guys are so freaking supportive and amazing I love you all. Go treat yourselves to some pie, ahahah. I love you I love you. And because I love you so much, I'm going to reply to them all, because I love you. Have I mentioned that you guys are awesome? **

**Guest: Thank you so much! I'm glad that my stories are slightly different than the other stories on this forum. [: I hope you liked this chapter.**

**Zammie88: Thank you! I'm glad you liked my rant. XD I'm going to have another one down there...excuse my extremely long A/N's. Your review was super sweet and it motivated me a lot. ^_^ So thank you. Hope you liked this chapter! **

**Guest: I'm so sorry for the wait! I hope you liked it! **

**12345678910: I try to make them long, but it doesn't excuse the waits I make you guys endure. I'm so sorry! Thank you for reviewing. **

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**Greekfire1234: I updated! I'm so sorry it took me so long. ]: **

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**Laladots14: Oh my wordy word! Thank you so much for reviewing! Sorry for the wait, hope you liked this chapter. [: **

**i am the chameleon: Thanks you for reviewing. And we'll find out, ahaha.[; I hope you liked this chapter, sorry for the long update wait! **

**anonymous: Thank you! I hope you liked this chapter. ^_^ **

**Theotherbritishbombshell: Oh, thank you so much! She's getting there, gradually getting there. I have extreme faith in her and I'm sure she'll pull through. Thank you so much, hope you liked this chapter. [: **

**KatieTheDaughterOfPoseidon: Uhm. You are the best. Literally. Thank you so much. [: I sincerely doubt I'm the best author on this site, but you are so freaking sweet, I love you. Thank you thank you thank you. I'm so sorry for the wait, but I hope you liked this chapter. **

**Bunniez: YOUUU are amazing. Honestly, your review meant so much to me. I can't thank you enough. _You're_ inspiring, you know that? Without people like you, I don't think I would be able to get through this situation. So thank you, and I hope you liked this chapter. **

**pinkgallaghergirl619: Yea, parents who hurt their own child...I honestly don't understand how they can do that. It's...it's just so wrong. But thank you so much, I really appreciate your support. You make me strong. [: **

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**XXxIsn'tThatIronicxXX: ISN'T IT? Ahaha I'm glad you read my A/N. Thanks for reviewing! **

**bballgirl22: Awh, thank you for actually reading that like, mile-long author's note last chapter. XD Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm sorry for the wait, though. ]: I hope you liked this chapter! **

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**mjs1196: MERRRRRRRAOWGHA WHAT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW. YOUR REVIEW MADE ME SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY I ALMOST CRIED. Thank you? Times like, a gatrillion with another added million with love on top? Omg I love you. Thank you so much, you have no idea how strong and loved your review made me. [': Thank you thank you. I hope you liked this chapter! **

**Keepmovingforward2: Wow it took me a long time again. D: I'm sorry – I guess sometimes I'm just so tired and I had summer school and my other stories and stuff. I'm sorry for the wait! But thank you for reviewing, I hope you liked this chapter.[: **

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**fanficlover123: You know what? You're awesome. Thank you so much, your review meant a lot to me.[: I'm sorry for the wait, hope you liked this chapter! **

**cutesy77: Agh, tell your friend my rant! Or rant on your own! Or just get her to see what she's doing to herself, it's horrible. I really hope she sees what's she's doing soon and fixes it, I honestly do. Thank you so much for reviewing.[: **

**Jade Mahoneysuckle: Gosh, please, please do. It would mean the world to me. Because there's no point in living a life that isn't your own, you know? Please try. Thank you so much. **

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**CocoisLoco: Yes, Cammie's mum is very wrong for what she did. ]: But thank you so much for reviewing, hope you liked this chapter! **

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**The One You Never Suspected: God, you're so welcome. But honestly, thank _you_. Your review was touching, really. Thank you so much. Yes, please try to start being yourself. [: It might be hard, because your true self isn't like everybody else, but who cares, you know? If you're different, then you should be glad, because it lets you stand out. I hope you liked this chapter. **

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**Lizaluvsdoggies: I know what you mean, not being able to protect the ones you love is the most infuriating thing in the world, I think. But thank you so, so much. [: Your review meant a lot to me, it honestly did. I'm so sorry for the long wait! I hope you liked this chapter. **

**dreams are beautiful: Well, 3 to you too. XD **

**violets-are-violet: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, MISSY? WHY HAVE YOU NOT REPLIED TO MY PM? You're probably out getting a life, ahahah. I miss you though! Thank you so much for your endless support and for your review, I love youuu. **

**...Longest A/N ever. So sorry, guys. But I love you all for reading and reviewing and everything, and for your support. So thank you, and I'll talk to you next time?[: **


	10. You And Me Against The World

_Zach was my last lifeline, my floating device. I was neck-deep in water and he was the only thing lovingly holding me up. It was crazy how I had him, crazy why I had him. I could live life a million times over and still not deserve him, but I didn't care. Not right now, anyway. I gave myself one selfish wish and clung to him, letting him comfort me and rock me back and forth, in the rain and under the flickering streetlight. But sooner or later, I had to learn to swim without him. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that day to come yet. But it's getting closer, and there's nothing I could do to stop the waves. _

**Zach's POV**

Cammie clutched at me tightly, hanging onto my neck with her thin arms so hard that they were shaking. Rain dripped from our clothing, soaking us down to the bone.

I sighed and gathered Cammie in my arms, standing up. The light pole flickered and then went off. The rain was a light mist now, sprinkling down our faces, sending the light scent of rain to our noses.

"Zach?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you. I'm sorry, but I love you."

My jaw clenched and I shook my head.

"Why are you sorry?" Anger and desperation made my heart flutter, and I felt the back of my eyes prick. I hated this. I hated feeling so weak. I hated seeing Cammie in pain. And there was no way I could stop the pain. Helpless, I was so helpless.

My arms tightened around her, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I'm pulling you closer and closer into this utterly depressing life of mine."

I stopped walking and leaned down, brushing my lips against her cheek. I looked up and pleaded with her through my eyes.

"Any life of yours I'm in is a happy one for me," I murmured.

She just closed her eyes.

I walked as quickly as I could, trying not to jostle Cammie, and half-jogged back home. Both our fingers were white and shaking, and my teeth were chattering so hard I almost bit my tongue off about half a dozen times. Exhaustion knocked Cammie out, and I was glad that she was finally resting. I looked down at her face. Innocent and pure and utterly, completely sad, even in her sleep.

I shook my head and clenched my jaw.

"I'll get you out, Cam. If it's the last thing I do, I'll get you out."

I walked up my steps and there was a sticky note attached to my front door.

_Decided you and Cammie should be left alone when you guys get back. There are warm towels and clothes in the dryer. Don't sleep with wet hair. -BGTMLJ _

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the note. I leaned over and ripped it off with my teeth, and kicked the door open and closed with my foot. I walked to the kitchen trash bin and dropped the note into it, and then laid Cammie down on the couch.

She whimpered but didn't wake up, curling in on herself. I walked to the dryer and pulled out a towel and Cammie's clothes.

Rain pounded mercilessly at the roof of the house, and lightning flashed through the room.

I kneeled by the couch and pressed my lips to Cammie's forehead.

"Wake up," I whispered.

She grunted and pressed a kiss to my cheek, but turned around and I heard her breathing even out again.

"Come on, baby. You can't sleep in wet clothes, you'll get sick," I pressed a hand to her cheek.

"I don' care." she slurred.

"I do."

She just grunted again.

I sighed. "Fine, then. I'm gonna stay in my wet clothes too. We'll be sick together."

I slid onto the couch next to her, and felt her stiffen. She rolled over so she was facing me, and a cute scowl was gracing her features.

"No. Chernge." she muttered.

"Not 'til you do." I raised an eyebrow.

She moaned loudly. "You're annoying."

I laughed and sat up, pulling her up with me, wrapping the warm towel around her body. She padded to the bathroom and locked the door. I heard the blow-drier go off and I sighed, sitting back on the couch and running my fingers through my damp hair.

Memories of cuts and bruises on her pale skin flashes through my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping my hair tighter. Her father's drunk face red and angry, his big fist flying towards Cammie's helpless body. I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes, and I punched the table in front of me.

"_Damn it_, Zach. How could you let this happen to her?"

I stood up and paced around the room, my fingers shaking for the second time that day. This time, it wasn't because of the cold. I glanced at the piano, and suddenly I was sitting at the white bench.

The keys splayed out in front of me, so many chances at so many melodies in so many different keys and tones with so many different meanings.

I spread my trembling fingers across the top of the slippery keys and played a chord. Warmth immediately spread through me, and it felt good, so I kept playing.

Melodies and words flowed into my mind and I grinned, notes flowing around the room.

_Until the referee rings the bell,  
>Until both your eyes start to swell,<br>Until the crowd goes home  
>What're we gonna do, love?<br>Give them hell, turn their heads  
>Gonna live life 'til we're dead.<br>Give me scars, give me pain  
>Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me<br>There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter  
>Here comes the fighter<br>That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,  
>This one's a fighter.<br>And if she can last thirty rounds,  
>There's no reason you should ever have your head down.<br>Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds  
>Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town.<br>Text book version of a kid going nowhere fast  
>And now I'm yelling, "Kiss my ass"<br>It's gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs  
>For you to recognize you really ain't got it bad.<br>Until the referee rings the bell,  
>Until both your eyes start to swell,<br>Until the crowd goes home,  
>What're we gonna do, love?<br>Give them hell, turn their heads  
>Gonna live life 'til we're dead.<br>Give me scars, give me pain  
>Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me<br>There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter  
>Here comes the fighter<br>That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,  
>This one's a fighter.<br>If you fall pick yourself up off the floor, get up.  
>And when your bones can't take no more, come on.<br>Just remember what you're here for  
>'Cause I know, I'm damn sure.<br>Give them hell, turn their heads  
>Gonna live life 'til we're dead.<br>Give me scars, give me pain  
>Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me<br>There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter  
>Here comes the fighter<br>That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,  
>This one's a fighter.<br>'Til the referee rings the bell,  
>'Til both ya eyes start to swell,<br>'Til the crowd goes home,  
>What're we gonna do, love? <em>

I kept playing random melodies and humming along. I heard Cammie's footsteps run up to me, and soon enough she was somehow in my lap. She giggled softly and I grinned and lifted my head up. She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine. She tasted like rain, and she sighed into the kiss, hugging me closer.

"Go change," she muttered.

I stood up and she sat down at the piano bench, and started pecking out 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' with her right index finger. She bit her lip, concentrating, and missed a note.

I chuckled and scooped my clothes and towel off the couch and headed to the bathroom. Once I got in there, I looked at myself in the mirror and winced. The fluorescent lighting made my skin look a sickish grey, and deep purple bags were under my eyes. It seems as though this day had taken more out of me than it did Cammie. I shuddered and washed my face, and stripped out of my soaking clothes, tossing it into the bath tub where Cammie's lay. Slipping on boxers and plaid pajama pants, I dried my hair and walked out, expecting to hear more nursery tunes on the piano.

Silence met me and slapped me in the face. I pulled my eyebrows together, worried, and walked quickly to the piano.

I saw tendrils of hair spilled out across the white keys, and I chuckled and walked closer. Cammie's head was leaning down on the keys, pressing some down, the flat ringing still resonating from the piano softly. There were still scars and marks on her arms, and I leaned down and kissed on.

She woke up and wrapped her arms around my neck, and I picked her up. She hung onto me like a koala, and I brought her upstairs to my room.

We collapsed onto my bed and with the thunder and rain and blood and bad memories and tears swirling around us like a hurricane, we fell into a fitful sleep, clinging and grasping and holding and drawing strength from the other.

And this was how it should be.

It's Cammie and I against the world.

**Sorry for the boring chapter, guys! We kinda needed a calm filler in there to kinda even out the extreme-ness of the last one. I'm sorry it took so long to update, too!**

**Quote for this chapter: Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with, and love shouldn't be one of them. -Dreams of an Insomniac**

**I am so sick of my classmates just going into relationships simply for the reason that they want to be in one. A relationship where all they do is have awkward lunches together and make out. I haven't actually fallen in love with anybody yet, but I watch couples on the street and I want to have it. **

**I don't want to go into relationships simply for the title of not being single. Who cares if you're 40 years old and single? You're waiting for the right one, as you should be. Wait for someone who gives you butterflies, wait for the person who will leave you breathless. Wait for the one that actually cares about your feelings and your heart and who holds your hand and takes you out on dates and tolerates your choice in music and it should be heart-pumping and mind racing and even doing nothing with them will be like doing everything in the world. **

**Wait for the person who will be able to find their way to your heart and take it in their hand and protect it, instead of crushing it in their palm. Wait for the person who's waiting for you, too. Because I don't want any of you guys to ever have to go through a divorce or a break up because you thought you were with the right person, but in all honesty, you only liked the thought of them. **

**And with that, thank you so much for reading this chapter, and again, I apologize for its lateness and boring-ness. I love you all and your reviews light up my day and I just love you, ugh. And if you still review on this unmoving chapter that brought this story no where, I will love you even more. **

**'Til next time. **


	11. Goodbye

_We collapsed onto my bed and with the thunder and rain and blood and bad memories and tears swirling around us like a hurricane, we fell into a fitful sleep, clinging and grasping and holding and drawing strength from the other._

_And this was how it should be._

_It's Cammie and I against the world._

**Cammie's POV**

Lights flickered in front of my eyes. A loud, annoying blaring noise filled my ears and I moaned, crinkling my eyebrows. Somewhere in the background, I still heard the storm outside. I shifted, and felt Zach's warmth right next to me. He was breathing deeply, and his left arm was wrapped protectively around my body. As consciousness took over my hazy mind, the sirens got even louder, and I heard voices calling to each other on bull horns. I opened my eyes and sat up quickly, my vision blurring and my head spinning.

I recognized this siren. I think everybody that lives in the United States of America would.

They were police sirens.

"Zach. Zach, wake up!" I shouted, shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes and mumbled, sitting up, confused.

Banging ensued, loud bangs that clattered the long on the front door. I couldn't help but let out a little yelp.

"What the hell?" Zach was fully awake now, and his green eyes were locked on mine in the darkness.

"Zach, what's happening?" We were dressing now, each pulling on one of his hoodies with shaking fingers and running fingers through our hair. The banging got even louder, and shouts came from outside.

"I don't know. We have to go open the door for them." Zach looked at my shaking hands, and grabbed one of them with his. "Don't be scared, Cammie. Everything's probably all right."

We ran down the stairs, hand in hand, and Zach yanked the door open. Five police cars were messily parallel parked on our street, and about 20 police officers and detectives dressed in thick, black trench coats stood in front of us.

Zach looked at them, squeezing my hand. "Can I help you, officers?"

One of them with a slightly crooked nose stepped forward and flashes his badge. "Which one of you is Cameron Morgan?"

Shock. Shock coursed through my body. Why did they want me? What did they want with me? Has my father done something...?

I swallowed and stepped forward. "That would be me."

"We've been informed that you are in an abusive household, Ms. Morgan. Is that or is that not true?"

Lightning flashed.

Rain poured.

Thunder boomed.

My mouth opened and closed like a fish, and I stared at him with wide eyes. I looked at Zach, who looked just as shocked and confused as I probably did.

"Answer my question, please, Ms. Morgan. This is a major law offense, and we need to know if this is true or not."

"Who told you this?" I avoided his question, my eyes blaring.

"It was an anonymous call. We have no right to give away their -"

"_Who told you this?_" I shouted.

Suddenly, a car pulled up. Out jumped a teary Liz and her mother.

"Cammie!" she shouted, running up the driveway. "Cammie, I'm so sorry! I-"

"It was _you_? Liz! How-"

"_Is this or is this not true? _Answer the question, Ms. Morgan!"

"No!" I screamed. "No, it's not true!"

"She's lying!" Liz sobbed. "She's lying. Check her arms."

"Liz! What the _hell _are you doing? They're going to take me away!" Tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my cheeks now, and I clung tighter to Zach. Panic and confusion and fear gnawed at my stomach, and I felt nauseous. An officer moved up and reached for my arm, but Zach glared at him and stepped in front of me.

"Step out of the way, boy."

Even through the darkness, I saw Zach's jaw tense. "No."

"_Move out of the way before I make you._"

Zach still didn't move. I saw him take out a gun and gasped. Could they do this? _Would they actually shoot him? _

"What are you doing? Why are you _doing _this? Stop!" I shouted, pushing Zach behind me. The officer roughly grabbed my arm and pulled Zach's hoodie sleeve up. And in a Disney Princess version of this story, my arm would be absolutely pale and clear, unblemished and unmarked. But life wasn't quite like that. My arm was littered with cuts and bruises, visible even under the soft glare of the officers' flashlights. I saw them suck in breaths and report something into a walkie talkie.

I heard Liz's mother whisper my name, and I shot a rough glare in Liz's direction. Rain poured down around Zach's porch, and thunder flashed, lighting up her pale and splotchy face.

"I did this for you," she cried. "It'll be better this way."

"Better this way _how_?" I yanked my arm away and pulled the sleeve down. "I was doing fine dealing with this on my own! With Zach!"

"_How can you say that when your arms look the way they do?_" Liz shouted.

Zach came up to me and hugged me, kissing me hard on the lips. He pulled back and looked me deep in the eyes.

"Cammie." he reached up to rub my tears away and hugged me tighter, cocooning me in his warmth. "Cammie, listen. I love you, okay? I love you and I always will, _no matter what happens. _I love you."

"Stop!" I shouted, pushing him away. Tears blinded me and I stumbled into a large police officer. I recoiled. "Don't say that as if we're never going to see each other again! Zach!" I sobbed.

Suddenly, a commotion came up in the group of police officers.

"There! There he is!"

And under the streetlight, I saw my father, panting, hands on his knees. Once he saw the police officers pointing at him, he immediately took off down the street, running so quickly he was lost in the night. Over half of the police officers took off after him, taking out their guns, piling into some of the cars, shouting at him to put his hands into the air. I looked into one of the cars, and widened my eyes to see my mother there, sitting in the backseat, dark circles in her eyes with her hands pulled behind her back.

She was staring right at me, and regret was buried deep in her face. I simply looked away. She only regretted this because she got caught.

"Come on, young lady. We're going to find you a place to stay where you're safe." A tall African American man with severe features took one of my arms.

"No. _No!_" I screamed. I reached out and hugged Zach tightly, burying my head into his chest. "I'm staying here, I'm _safe _just where I am. Please!"

But still, insistent hands tugged at my hair and arms, trying to unwrap me from Zach. I felt his arms wind around me, and soon we were clinging to each other, so desperate, so frantic, so horrible. I looked up, and saw that tears were running down his face, too. This made me sob harder.

"Please stop!" I cried. "I can't leave, _please, please, please_..."

"Let go of him _now_!"

With a rough yank, I was pulled away from Zach's comforting and familiar warmth. "_No!" _I screamed. "Stop, you can't take me away, _please_!"

Tears clogged my throat and I choked on my tears. Coughing, I tried to kick out at them. They were practically carrying me to the car, and others were holding Zach back.

"Zach. _Zach_!" I screamed to him. "I love you. I'll come back, I _swear _I'll come back!" I sobbed. I kicked extra hard, and I was dropped to the wet ground with a slap.

Zach roared with rage, and finally broke out and sprinted over to me, falling to his knees and engulfing me in a tight hug. "I know you'll come back. I'll wait for you, I swear I will."

I clung to him and kissed his neck, sobs wracking my body so hard I was getting light-headed. I looked at the police officers, some with pity on their faces. "Why would you do this?" I asked them. "Why would you take me away from the only person in the world who loves me?"

"Come on, Cameron. It's time for you to go."

A hand at my elbow. A crack of lightning and thunder.

I screamed Zach's name over and over again, but I was pulled away. Promises were made, and so many tears were spilled. It was the first time I've ever seen Zach weak, Zach crying so hard he could barely breathe.

His last 'I love you' was the last thing I heard after I was shoved into an overly warm car and the door slammed shut. Now, without all of the rain and thunder, my sobs were too loud. I saw Liz trying to tell Zach she was sorry, but he just stood up and walked away from her, fists clenched tight, and took one last look at the car I was crammed into. He mouthed, 'I'll be waiting.' and turned into his house, slamming the front door behind him.

Liz tried to look at me, her apologetic eyes searching mine. I turned away, wrapping myself in Zach's hoodie and inhaling his scent that would soon be washed away. Cold rain drops dripped from my hair and eyelashes to my nose, and I jumped. I squeezed my eyes shut as exhaustion and tears took over my body and I heard a police officer get into the front seat of the car.

"I'm really sorry we had to take you away from your boyfriend..." he said gruffly.

"Yea, me too." I answered. Expressionless words with an expressionless face. I had a feeling I would be using this combination a lot now.

He shuffled uncomfortably and started the engine.

"Have they caught my dad yet?"

"No, not yet. We will though, I swear to you, Cameron."

There was something gentle and caring in this police officer's eyes, and I relented my attitude a little. I shrugged. "It doesn't matter, since he's not going to know where I am anymore. Because you're taking me away..."

"It's for the better."

I just shrugged and buried myself further into Zach's oversized hoodie. His musky scent filled my nose and more tears slipped down my cheeks.

"I swear I'll come back," I whispered. "I swear."

**So the police have finally found out about Cammie's situation. D: And she was taken away! What will happen, what will happen? X[ Ugh this chapter also made me cry. As you guys have probably figured out, I am an overly emotional girl and I cry a lot. XD Especially when I'm writing or reading. **

**The quote for this chapter is: You're a human being, you live once, and life is wonderful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake. -Emma Stone **

**Yes, you guys. Emma is right. You have one life, and you need to make the most of it. Who the hell cares if you're stick-skinny and super tall? Who cares if you have long hair and long eyelashes and high cheekbones? You need to make the most of every single day, because every moment counts. It doesn't matter if you're heart-stoppingly beautiful or average or plain or unattractive. It's the inside that counts anyway, it's your heart that shines from within. You all have _so _much potential – you all are stars apart of a beautiful constellation, each shining with your own light. So to everybody out there who thinks they're too fat or too overweight or whatever – yes, it's good to exercise. Be healthy, eat right. But not to the extreme. Don't starve yourself. You don't need to be skinny to be pretty, I _promise _you. So please, go and just be happy with yourself, alright? [: Because if you're happy with how you look, others will be too. **

**I love you all and I really hope you liked this chapter! **

**Please review and I shall see you all next time! ^_^ **


	12. Play Pretend

_There was something gentle and caring in this police officer's eyes, and I relented my attitude a little. I shrugged. "It doesn't matter, since he's not going to know where I am anymore. Because you're taking me away..."_

_"It's for the better."_

_I just shrugged and buried myself further into Zach's oversized hoodie. His musky scent filled my nose and more tears slipped down my cheeks._

_"I swear I'll come back," I whispered. "I swear."_

**Cammie's POV**

Rain raced against the frosted window of the police car as he raced down the streets to wherever it is they're going to take me. My heart is numb. Rain, usually my favorite weather, brought a sense of dullness. My eyes glazed over and the only thing I could concentrate on was the scent of Zach's hoodie, which I knew in time would fade.

I tucked my knees up and rested my chin on it, squeezing my eyes shut. Countless minutes passed, and the officer whose name I never caught went around and opened my door. I didn't move. The chilly air blasted at my cheeks and made me shiver.

"We're here," he muttered. I slowly turned my head to see where 'here' was. The police station. Makes sense. He reached over and unbuckled me and grabbed my elbow, gently but firmly leading me out of the car. I stuffed my hands into the hoodie sleeves and clenched them into fists, walking as bravely as I could into the building.

At least it would be warm in there.

Melodies and quotes and song lyrics drifted their way through my head, and I searched for one to give me strength. I couldn't think of any.

"Are...are you feeling okay?" the police officer shuffled his feet awkward, shoving his hands into his black windbreaker.

I glared at him. "Oh, I'm having a _great _night. All my dreams came true and now I'm a Disney princess."

He scratched his head and pushed the door open for me. My shoes squeaked on the linoleum floors, and I buried my face into the hoodie's hood, my eyes roaming around the room. There was a very tired looking woman standing in front of us, having just stood from the plastic chairs that were neither a red or pink or brown, but somewhere in-between.

"Hello, my name is Mrs. Chapman. I will be escorting you to the House of Care. Thank you, Officer Brown, for bringing her here."

And so into another car I went.

More anxious questions.

More sarcastic answers.

I stared at the window, and at times I could have sworn I saw the outline of a man standing underneath the street lights, with the exact same body shape my father had.

But that was probably just my imagination.

Or that was what I told myself.

We got to a huge, run-down house and by now the rain had lightened, in a soft sprinkle now. I stepped out of the car and waited for Mrs. Chapman to knock on the door.

A young woman opened the tall wooden door, the squeak echoing back into the hallway as she smiled softly.

"Hello, Nicole. This is Cammie, she needs a place to stay for a while. You got room?" Mrs. Chapman's tired, drawn face relaxed into a lopsided smile as she hugged the other woman.

"Of course! Come in, sweetie. You must be so cold," Nicole took my hand and rubbed warmth into it, pulling me up into the house. I jerked my hand back, disturbed by the affectionate gesture by the complete stranger. Nicole shrugged, completely unaffected.

"You're going to have to share a room, unfortunately. We're a little limited on space here," Nicole explained as she waved 'bye' to Mrs. Chapman and closing the door.

I shrugged. For some reason, I didn't want to be rude to Nicole. With her long, billowy hair, her fine bone structure, and wide doe eyes, she looked too sweet.

Too much like Liz.

"It's alright," I mumbled, looking away from her face, blinking away tears. Clenching my hands, I bit my tongue, _hard_.

_Don't you dare think about Liz right now – and miss her. She's the one that did this to you, hate her, hate her! You should hate her. _

But deep down, I knew I didn't. I couldn't – I never would. I took a deep breath and Nicole reached over to pat me affectionately on the back.

I flinched away. She looked at me with concern. I swallowed.

"Sorry," I muttered.

_Stupid girl! She wasn't going to hit you or anything. _

I grimaced and looked down at wrists, a bruise peeking out from Zach's black hoodie sleeve. Zach's name hollered to my tear ducts, and I felt tears attacking my eyes again.

"Your room is upstairs," Nicole said softly. "Follow me."

I followed softly, biting my lip the whole way.

"Your roommates are probably asleep, so try to be quiet. There are plenty of girls and boys your age here. Sixteen, correct? Yes, you'll fit in perfectly." Nicole smiled warmly.

I couldn't help but smile back. I opened the door, and was met with 6 different pairs of eyes looking up at me.

"You girls aren't asleep yet?" Nicole whispered.

'No's' were muttered around the room, and some of them groaned and rolled over.

"Can you make some room for Cammie? She's going to be your new roommate."

They all shuffled over, and there was instantly a spot for me on the floor. "Thanks," I muttered. I laid down on the sleeping back Nicole smoothed out for me, and then she left and closed the door. I hated seeing her go, and I stared at the door, biting my lip. I've never felt so awkward in my life – I didn't know what was going on. How long was I going to be here? Who were these girls? Were they all in my situation too? Was Nicole the only caretaker here?

A clap of thunder boomed through the room, and the rain started pounding down on the roof. I heard my roommates' breathing even out, and hours passed. Fatigue gnawed at my body, but I couldn't seem to close my eyes.

Memories of cuts, bruises, broken vases – along with a certain pair of emerald eyes, a firm jaw line, messy brown hair, a warm smirk.

By now, the rain water had dried on my clothes and just left me in itchy uncomfortableness. I saw up quietly and looked around at my roommates, and saw all of them sprawled out with each other, their faces peaceful. I got up and squeezed out the door, trying not to make the hinges squeak. Walking down the stairs, I was met with dark expanses of hallways and doors and corridors.

I slid down a wall and finally let a sob escape.

_Stop crying, _I thought to myself as tears ran down my cheeks. My face felt feverish and I was literally choking on my sobs. I buried my face into my knees and wrapped my arms around them so that my cries wouldn't echo down the hallway.

I was shaking uncontrollably, and I was colder than I could ever be in the rain.

"You're going to see him again!" I told myself.

My shaky voice did not convince me.

"You're going to see him again..." my voice cracked, and my face fell in desperation. "You swore."

**Zach's POV**

I don't know how long I've been sitting there. The police officer told me I couldn't know where they were taking her for 'safety purposes'. Sticky tears poured down my cheeks – I haven't cried this much since...since never.

"God!" I shouted, knocking everything off my cabinets. The picture frames and text books clattered to the floor, echoing through the empty house. I rested my arms on the now-empty table and leaned heavily on it, sobbing, my shoulders hunched.

I spotted Sir Squiggles on the floor.

The stupid little stuffed koala that had made Cammie so, _so _happy. I pushed off from the table, shoving it against the wall, and picked Squigs up.

_"Let's go on a date today," I exclaimed._

_Cammie blinked and looked up from her sandwich._

_"A date? What kind?"_

_"Oh, you know!" I threw my hands up in the air, thinking. "The cliché dates where we have walks on the beach holding hands, and have picnics, and go to a carnival and I win you a teddy bear. Stuff like that."_

_"...I want a stuffed koala," she said seriously._

_I broke into a grin._

_"Then a stuffed koala you must have!" I announced in a British accent, wiggling my eyebrows._

We were so happy that day. Cotton candy, ferris wheels, roller coasters...

"She loved you _so _much, Squigs," I clutched at the stupid little koala, dwarfed in my large hands. Cammie couldn't even wrap her hands around its fat belly, but I could, my fingers even overlapping each other. I looked at the thing in disgust and threw it as hard as I could across the dark room. "Why the hell didn't you help her? Why didn't you know that her dad was...? Why the hell didn't I help her? I could've tried harder..."

I heard the plastic nose hitting the shutters with a hard _clack_. I sank to the floor and stared at the broken glass around me, pictures of Cammie thrown from their frames. Smiling pictures of me and her, of Grant and Bex, Liz and Jonas, Tristan and Macey, my workaholic parents...everybody, back then, before everything became complicated.

I stared at my bed, and the sheets were still wrinkled from her small body next to mine. To think we just laid there, thinking the worst was almost over.

Oh, how wrong we were.

"How fucking wrong we were, Squigs," I whispered, shuffling over and picking him up. I clutched him to my chest and ducked my head against the side of the bed.

I wonder if this is what Cammie did every single night.

Consumed by fear, rage, desperation...

My heart was pounding so hard that it was making my neck pulse, and I had to take deep gasps of air. Leaning forward on the bed like that, on the side of my legs, my face pushed into the damp mattress, and clutching Sir Squiggles in my arms, I fell asleep.

Knowing that tomorrow, I would get up and clean up my room and shower and get dressed and pretend everything was perfectly fine.

Everything was perfectly fine.

I would be strong, like she was for five years.

Because that's what Cammie and I were both so good at.

We were so good at pretending, at faking – everything was so freaking fine, with our plastered smiles and forced laughs and crinkled eyes.

Surely if we could pretend to be happy around our friends with each other, we could pretend without each other.

Our game of pretend.

**Hello! **

**I'm back. [: Sorry for the late-ish review...agh. High school is getting so difficult and blehh. _ I've been so extremely busy – so much drama with my friends and parents and everything, too. I just don't know. I've been so stressed out lately and I feel lost right now. But it's okay, I know it. Things will get better. **

**QUOTE FOR THIS CHAPTER:**

_**I will keep telling you that you are important, deserving, loving, intelligent, worthy, compassionate, beautiful, creative, inspiring, brave, true, strong, and able until you finally realize it for yourself. -Unkown**_

_**Because you are, no matter what. If depression is drowning you – because that's what depression is, depression is like drowning and seeing the ones around you getting air. Then find your air. I can be your air. Painting can be your air. Sports can be your air. Books can be your air. Find your air and pull yourself out of the murky waters. **_

_**Every single person in this planet is every single one of those things – but sometimes they just get off track. Sometimes they just lose sight of the good things in life and become pulled in my evil and darkness and their souls become tainted. **_

_**Don't be one of those people, please. I'm begging you. But today is never too late to change. It's never too late to be the better person. And no, you don't have to be perfect. Perfection is but an image that humanity has created to strive for, but that's wrong. Perfection is fake and boring and stupid. Be you, with all of your flaws, and you will be every single one of those beautiful adjectives up there, I promise you. So try, and don't drown. **_

**F0reverRand0m: **Thank you so much! Yea, I don't know whether to be mad at Liz or applaud her, and I wrote the story, ahaha. Everything about this situation is just so double-sided and confusing and...agh. But there are times when the right thing to do isn't the good thing. But thank you so much for reviewing, & I hope you enjoyed this chapter. [:

**onedirectionlovelys: **It was an emotional rollercoaster, wasn't it? _ But thanks so much! I hope you liked this chapter.

**xXxGGirlxXx: **Agh but I think I would have done the exact same thing as Liz in that situation. D: So I don't really blame her, I don't think. I dunno. Oh myy. [; Thanks for the ideas, but I have a plan for Cammie's escapee father. Give it a little time, love. Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Roxie Tina Ritchi: **I know. It isn't fair. X[ But the worst things happen to the best people, because those people are the ones who will be able to get through it and become an even better person. [: Thanks for reviewing, hope you liked this chapter!

**Lizaluvsdoggies: **Have I ever told you how freaking adorable your pen name is? Aahaha. Awh darling don't cry! D: Just kidding, cry. I live off of the tears of children. ._. Wow. Stopping now. Agh, I wish there were a perfect fantasy. I want to write a perfect fantasies. But in real life, perfect fantasies only live in Disney princess movies. And as we all know, we are not in a Disney princess movie, as much as we wish it. ]: But thanks for your review! It made my day, thank you.

**dreams are beautiful: **Thank you so much! I hope you liked this chapter. [:

**Livelifetithefull3: **You're awesome. ;D

**JessRobStar: **Awh, I'm in love with your review! Thanks so much. ^_^ Hmm, I don't know! ;P You will find out later. Ehehe I hope you liked this chapter.

**Let's Live While We're Young: **Let's. [: Let's liveeee! Thank you so much! Your review made my day.

**britishbombshell: **AW;LGIHAW;OGHAFG YES THAT WAS MY KEYBOARD SMASH OF HAPPINESS THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE THE SWEETEST THANK YOU SO MUCH AGH I LOVE YOU. If I ever actually write a book I'll give you a copy for free and meet you and hug you and thank you for being an inspiration on my career. [': Thanks so much, your review was literally amazing.

**bookbabe68: **Thank you so much. But what I'm doing? I'm writing a story and trying to help people in my situation. It's not really a hard thing or anything, I want to help and make people better. I honestly do. So thanks so much, and I hope you liked this chapter!

**TheRealChameleon: **:D Thank you! Your review was so sweet, agh. X] Hope you liked this chapter!

**TennisFreakLovesGaleAndHates Mj: **Stupid Liz, but smart Liz. Yes, hopefully she'll see Zach again! Thanks for reviewing, love. ^_^

**mrs-zachary-goode: **...Who do you think you are stealing my husband? :[ AHAHA love your pen name.[; I didn't make that happen in the story because that doesn't happen in real life. As much as parents love their children, taking in another child, another teenager, is a lot of work. A lot of money needed – for their food and clothes and college – and just, they don't know the teenager very well. It would be awkward and it would be like having a guest in your house all the time. It would just be an extra difficulty that most parents wouldn't want to endure. Thanks for the suggestion!

**Cocoisloco: **]': Sorry. But thank you so much for reviewing!

**Mrs. Goode: **I dunno. They may or may not. [; Keep reading and you'll find out!

**books: **Awh thank you so much! I hope you liked this chapter. ^_^

**SnixX321: **AHAHAHA I wanna slap everyone, too. Ugh. But they all thought they were doing the right thing – so you can't really blame them, ya know? :/ But thanks so much for reviewing! Hope you liked this chapter.

**hotter-than-hot: **But was she really safe? Her father would have come back for her eventually. As safe and protected Cammie felt in Zach's arms, he couldn't have protected her forever.

**mjs1196: **Oh my goodness, thank you so much! Darling, there isn't always a happy ending in real life. I think that's what I'm trying to teach people with this story. Life is stupid and hard and bumpy but beautiful in-between. You know? This story will _most likely _have a happy ending, because I'm a sucker for them myself. But yea. I'm trying to make this realistic. Thank you so much though, and I hope you keep reading. [:

**The One You Never Suspected: **I know how you feel! _ Thanks for reviewing, hope you liked this chapter. [:

**itasca36: **This chapter was pretty much a filler, but I felt I needed to convey their emotions of loss a little more. Sorry! I hope you liked it, though.

**Guest: **Here's more! Sorry about the kind-of-boringness. I hope you liked it, though!

**rabbitlavell: **Thank you so much!

**IzzySnow95: **Agh, I wish it was a bad dream. D: Reality sucks, darl. X[ Thanks so much for reviewing though!

**Karsen Lavette: **Yes! You are one of the only readers that are glad that the police found out! XD So thank you. I hope you liked this chapter!

**Dark. Angel. From. Above: **Oh, yes. I mean – what kind of teenage girl doesn't cry? I cried once because I lost the last pistachio in the bag. ._. Dead serious. Shh. Don't tell anyone. I'm quite embarrassed. YES YES YES thank you so much, I love you. It doesn't matter if you're Taylor Swift (probably the most beautiful girl in the world...) looking or not. What counts is the inside – so just be kind and fair and patient and loving and everything shall be fine. And we all know you're better than all the fake stick-skinnies out there. Not saying that all stick-skinnies are fake. But yea. So stay strong, love, and don't let words get you down! [: Thank you so much for reviewing and I hope you liked this chapter.

**Isn't that Ironic: **I loved that quote too! ^_^ Thanks so much for reviewing!

**CammiePercySabrinaHarry1212: **I know it's hard right now, but it'll get better. Maybe. I honestly hate to break it to you, but sometimes it doesn't get better. I hafta be dead honest right now. But you have to do everything in your power to _make _it better. And the most important thing is to give love and be supportive and stay strong. [:

**ShmemilyShmoring: **Awh, thank you so much! I hope you liked this chapter. ^_^

**Kill You Twice: **Oh dears. D: I did not realize that. Heh. Good thing this is a story! Let's go pretend that that police officer got in lots and lots of trouble! Thanks for reviewing.

** : **Awhhh thank you so much! ^_^ I don't know whether to be mad or not at Liz either. D: I think she did the right thing though, so yea. Thanks for reviewing!

**B: **Awh here! I updated! :D I hope you liked it!

**Guest: **Ahahaah I know that song! [: And no, I actually did not hear the song until about a few chapters into the story, so I did not base it off of that. BUT IT FIRST PERFECTLY, DOESN'T IT?! GAHH COINCIDENCES. Ahaha thank you so much for reviewing, hope you liked this chapter![:

**Guest: **AWH thanks! I loved your review! ^_^

**Gallagher girl1811: **Awh thank you so so so much![': This is the story that I've devoted most of my time to – I've laughed and cried with it, and I really love how connected I am to the readers. ^_^ So thank you so much, and I hope you liked this chapter!

**katerinagrey: **Thank you so much!

**PauPau730: **Thank you so much for the review! I hope you liked this chapter.

**Guest: **AGH YOUR REVIEWS ARE AMAZING. Thank you so much! :'D You made my day. I hope you liked this chapter!

**Percabeth Lover12: **Awh you're the sweetest. ^_^ Thank you so much for reviewing, I hope you liked this chapter!

**GAH SORRY FOR THE LONG A/N AGAIN GOSH I SHOULD STOP REPLYING TO ALL OF YOU GUYS BUT I LOVE YOU SO BARE WITH ME? **

**I hope you liked this chapter (I think that's about the 50th time I've written that?) and review, please![: I'll talk to you next time, lovelies. **


	13. Blank Hope

_My heart was pounding so hard that it was making my neck pulse, and I had to take deep gasps of air. Leaning forward on the bed like that, on the side of my legs, my face pushed into the damp mattress, and clutching Sir Squiggles in my arms, I fell asleep._

_Knowing that tomorrow, I would get up and clean up my room and shower and get dressed and pretend everything was perfectly fine._

_Everything was perfectly fine._

_I would be strong, like she was for five years._

_Because that's what Cammie and I were both so good at._

_We were so good at pretending, at faking – everything was so freaking fine, with our plastered smiles and forced laughs and crinkled eyes._

_Surely if we could pretend to be happy around our friends with each other, we could pretend without each other._

_Our game of pretend._

**Cammie's POV**

My ears were ringing, my eyes closed and pressed into my kneecaps, the swirling colors behind my eyelids distracting me from the knot inside my heart. I cleared my throat of all the mucus that came with crying and took a long, deep, shaky breath.

I picked my head up and smacked myself on the face. "Come on, Cammie. Stop being such a baby. You're going to see Zach again – look on the bright side. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again."

Suddenly, the sound of a door being pushed open echoed down the hall. I let out a little squeal and jumped to my feet, but swaying and collapsing onto the wall. The room swirled around me, and if there was anything in my stomach I would have thrown up. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten. I heard the footsteps pause right at the bend that would join into the hallway I was standing in. My heart attacked the back of my throat and in a cartoon I would've choked on it.

Flashbacks of my father's loud, heavy work boots raced around in my mind, the smashing of beer bottles and our glass coffee table, the shards being worked into my skin. I shivered, clenching my fists, the long, thin scar on my back practically burning.

"Who's there?" I tried to say it bravely, but my voice shook audibly. _Stupid, Cammie, stupid! Nobody's gong to hurt you here. You're safe here. He couldn't have found you this quickly. _

The first thing I saw was his curly platinum blonde hair. He stuck his head around the corner, a mixture of confusion and embarrassment on his face. His ice blue eyes flickered back and forth, and he bit his lip. I tensed up even more – he was a boy. _A male_.

The only males I trusted were Zach, Grant, Jonas and Tristan. I slowly took a step back and gulped. Even more confusion flickered into his eyes and he stepped fully into view.

He was _tall_. Taller than Zach tall.

And Zach was pretty tall.

I cleared my throat and swiped at my sticky cheeks, taking a hopefully inconspicuous step backwards.

The boy cocked an eyebrow.

I guess it wasn't so inconspicuous after all. The way he held himself was so strange – so vulnerable yet so strong at the same time. He radiated strength but weakness, beauty but awkwardness. He tan skin, and an oddly shaped nose that made his face imperfect.

I liked it.

"Uhm..." he muttered, looking down and shuffling his feet. He looked up again. "Who are you?"

I stayed silent. I wasn't in this house to make friends. I was here to get away from my father, who was out there looking for me, like a vulture in the desert looking for its prey. Territorial and disgusting. Ice wrapped itself around my heart and stayed there, stubborn.

He nodded once, sucking in his cheeks. "I see. You're one of those silent, depressed types. Now I'm not sure if your make up is supposed to be all smeared under your eyes or...?"

I scrunched my face up at him. "Ass," I muttered.

He smiled a little. "And she talks! The ass has a name."

Silence.

"This is the time where you go, "Hi, my name is _blank_. What's yours?"

I didn't respond, only flicked hair out of my face and rubbed the mascara smears out from under my eyes. I don't think it worked.

"Well, my name's Parker, very nice to meet you too."

Parker had an adorable country accent, one that was noticeable but not so strong so that I didn't know what he was saying.

He was looking at me expectantly, ducking his very tall head down, trying to meet my eyes. I glared down at my feet, trying to burn holes into the ground and swallow me up – and then take me back to Zach.

"Do you always go around wandering the halls at night searching for crying girls?" I asked, trying to shuffle backwards a little more. He noticed and looked down at my moving feet, his eyebrows high up on his forehead, but didn't advance or say anything about it.

"Oh, no – only on the night of every other full moon."

I smiled a little, and the ice melted.

Just a tad.

"And the damsel in distress has facial muscles," Parker exclaimed, looking quite proud of himself.

I rolled my eyes and decided that – for now – Parker wasn't going to hurt me. I slid back down to the floor, fatigue gnawing at my legs, and sighed.

The ache in my heart yearned for Zach – Zach, all Zach. Everything about him. His deep voice, the stubble he gets on his chin if he doesn't shave, his high cheekbones, his annoyingly straight perfect nose, the way his hands are so much bigger than mine when he's holding me, the way he combed his fingers through my hair after I shower.

I closed my eyes – and for a second, a split second, I could've sworn that Zach was here with me. My mind wanted him so badly that it tricked my heart into thinking that he was right here, keeping me safe, making me laugh, crying with me. But then I opened my eyes into blue ones, so unlike the green I was used to that I let out an embarrassingly loud yelp and jerked my head back, effectively banging it on the wall behind me.

Parker's eyes widened and he looked at me with a half wariness and half concern.

"What was that all about?"

"What was what all about?" I mumbled, inching away from him.

"The dramatic thing you just did. Sigh, slide down a wall, cradle your head in your arms and look away into the distance with that woeful expression in your eyes. Tears don't suit you very much, Coonie."

I looked at him, who was squatting in front of me in his pajamas, and cocked my head to the side.

"Coonie?" I asked, ignoring his question.

"Yea. As in raccoon, because of your horribly applied makeup."

I stared at him long and hard.

"Ass," I muttered again.

"I've been told mine's very nice," Parker waggled his eyebrows.

"By who? Your gay roommate?" I scoffed.

Parker shook his head solemnly and looked me in the eyes, a serious expression on his face.

"Sister Amelia," he whispered.

I imaged a nun checking out Parker's butt, and I let out a small surprised laugh. I looked at him and smiled a bit.

The ice cracked even more.

He sat back, smiling that proud smile after he got a laugh out of me. There was still something about him that was mesmerizing, something I really liked.

"Why are you here for, Coonie? Why are you at this shit home?" Parker mumbled quietly, all laughter gone from his face, a gentle expression kissing his lips.

"It can't be worse than how my old home was, Parker," I stared him straight in the eyes, and just now noticed the dark, dark circles engraved into the soft skin under his lower lases.

Parker smiled a haunted, crooked smile. "It never is, is it? That's why we're dragged here, to rot until some sympathetic family takes us in or we turn eighteen."

"What happens when we turn eighteen?"

"We get the hell out of here."

"Is it really as bad as you think it is, or is it just your rebellious teenager coming out?" I half-teased half-wondered.

"It's worse," Parker whispered.

His expression was far away, and I looked down to notice he was unconsciously stroking his left wrist. I clenched my jaw at what I saw – shockingly white lines slashed across his tan skin, some jagged, some straight, some crooked, some skinny, some alarmingly large.

"Why would you do that?" I asked bluntly.

He looked up, surprised. "What?"

I jerked my chin towards his wrist.

He quickly jerked his arm away, hiding it behind his back. "That's none-a your damn business, Coonie."

I raised an eyebrow. "You curse a lot. Did you know that?"

Parker shrugged but said nothing.

We sat in a not awkward but not comfortable silence, and I pulled my knees up to my chin and rocked back and forth slightly.

I decided that I liked Parker – he was human company, an interesting one at that, and he was a distraction. A distraction from a life that was already becoming my past.

"Oh, those scars that she hides with those stars in her eyes. Depression is like drowning – being pulled down by all those currents and not being able to breathe – oh, what is air, what is air? And everybody around you is getting air, but you can barely fathom the thought of it. Two broken souls on the cold tiles of a home for wrecked and destroyed children, in the wee hours of the morn', their broken souls tied together with a string of understanding yet curiosity, oh those scars that we hide so desperately."

I blinked, lulled by the sound of his musical voice painting out words so vivid and emotional that it completely broke away the ice barrier around my heart and chucked it out he window.

"Was that a poem?"

Parker shrugged. "One of mine."

My jaw dropped. "That was...that was incredible, Parker."

Parker tried to smile, but it turned out more like a grimace. "She didn't think so..."

I felt as if that wasn't directed to me, so I didn't pry. Suddenly, soft rays of light broke though the cloudy darkness of the night and filled the room with warmth. Tall floor to ceiling windows let in the sunlight, and I smiled at it, for once glad to see the sun rising. I shivered once in Zach's hoodie, letting the UV rays dry me off.

"I should get going now," Parker muttered, standing up to his full height again.

I nodded. The thought of the blankets set out on the floor for me in the crowded room sounded so nice right now.

"Breakfast is in about an hour and a half in the dining room," Parker said over his shoulder, already loping down the hall with his awkwardly graceful walk, pointing to the left and motioning to a door.

"Do I have to go?" I whined.

"Yes, or the nuns will whip your butt."

"Literally?"

"God, no."

"Parker?"

"What?"

"...I'll see you there?" I bit my lip, hoping I wouldn't have to sit alone at breakfast. Maybe I would need a friend here. Someone who knows what I've been going through. Someone who understands. Someone who could be a shoulder to cry on, something to look forward to every day instead of waking up to blank hope.

Parker hesitated, expressions I couldn't read flickering over his face. Finally, he smiled softly and nodded. "Yea. Yea, I'll see you there, Coonie."

"Cammie."

"What?"

"Cammie's my name."

Parker smirked, and for a heartbreaking moment he looked a lot like Zach. "See you at breakfast, Coonie."

**Gah omg, guys. It's almost midnight and I woke up at six today after 4 hours of sleep and I'm hiding out in my bathtub so my parents won't see me. T_T **

**I really hope you liked this chapter! Cammie is learning to accept small things and maybe trust people a little bit more. Review, please, and the next chapter will be up soon!**

**Love you guys. **


	14. There Is No Divinity

_"...I'll see you there?" I bit my lip, hoping I wouldn't have to sit alone at breakfast. Maybe I would need a friend here. Someone who knows what I've been going through. Someone who understands. Someone who could be a shoulder to cry on, something to look forward to every day instead of waking up to blank hope._

_Parker hesitated, expressions I couldn't read flickering over his face. Finally, he smiled softly and nodded. "Yea. Yea, I'll see you there, Coonie."_

_"Cammie."_

_"What?"_

_"Cammie's my name."_

_Parker smirked, and for a heartbreaking moment he looked a lot like Zach. "See you at breakfast, Coonie."_

**Cammie's POV**

"Hey. Hey, girl. Clary, do you know what this chick's name is?"

"No. I just saw Nicole bringing her up last night and setting up that little cot for her. She laid there for a while and then left for a couple hours. She collapsed there at dawn," a soft voice said.

Then I realized that somebody was shaking my shoulder, and I jumped away from the hand.

"Oh, hey. Sorry to scare you," the rough, gravelly voice – so different from Clary's – apologized. I slowly peeled my eyes out to the bright room and saw a bunch of girls shuffling around, dressing and folding their blankets up. I saw the calloused hand that was lingering near my shoulder and traced up its arm, to a face with the largest brown eyes I've ever seen in my life. Framed by thick lashes, with tan skin and thin lips, a small nose and dark hair in a boy-cut, which just accented her huge eyes even more.

"You okay...? I'm Zoe, that's Clary," the girl with large eyes – Zoe – pointed to herself and then to an adorable little girl that looked half-Asian.

Clary smiled sweetly at me and stuck her little hand out for me to shake. She looked about a year younger than Zoe and I, with long tresses of wavy hair framing her face, falling to the small of her back, with hazel eyes and full lips, a flat nose. I sat up and smiled at them, rubbing sleep from my eyes with my left hand and shaking Clary's with my right.

"My name is Cammie, nice to meet you," I answered politely.

"It's time for breakfast!" Clary dimpled, taking the hand she never let go of and pulling me up. I was a full head taller than her. Dizziness took over my brain but I did my best to ignore it, smoothing out and folding my blanket like the other girls did.

"Clary loves breakfast," Zoe rolled her eyes. The way her eyelashes brushes the top of her eyelids mesmerized me, and I stared in jealousy at her face.

Clary nodded and pulled us out the door.

We chatted about random things – our birthdays, favorite colors, what we hoped was being served at breakfast today. But none of us even brushed the subject of why we were here. I guess it was just unwritten code here – what's past is past. We followed the gaggle of girls, which soon melted in with gaggles of guys, into the dining hall. I looked around for Parker's platinum blonde hair, a little disappointed when I didn't see him.

Not that I didn't like Clary and Zoe – I really liked them, actually. Zoe's serious, calm personality clashed so strongly to Clary's extremely adorable and bubbly one. I liked it. But the thing was – they were obviously best friends. They linked arms and giggled and spurted so many inside jokes I didn't understand half of the things they said.

Clary pulled me to the line of kids waiting for food – kids from four years old to seventeen – with trays sliding along counters like at schools. I grabbed a puke colored tray and slid along the counter, looking with half disgust and half mild interest as they poured slop and vegetables onto my tray. Suddenly, a whistle blew behind me and I jumped. I turned around, seeing an old nun charge gracefully down the room, grabbing two boys that were play-wrestling, and marched them out of the room. Nobody else even batted an eye.

Typical. Mean nuns, disgusting food – what next? Cleaning spiders out of the attic?

"Don't worry, that happens often. Just follow the rules and Sister Amelia won't get you," Zoe patted my back lightly.

"And you thought Sister Amelia wasn't real," a voice said behind me. I jumped again but turned around, a smile twitching at my lips.

"Oh? I doubt that _that_ Sister Amelia was checking out your butt, Parker," I rolled my eyes. He already had his own tray of slop, and he twitched his head, telling me to follow him to a table. I looked back at Zoe and Clary, but they just had confused expressions on their faces.

"How do you know Parker?" Clary asked, stepping up and winding her skinny arms around Parker's waist. He smiled gently down at her and ruffled her hair, hugging her back.

He threw a nod at Zoe and she waved back.

"Coonie was with me last night in a dark hallway," Parker winked.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yes, it was all very romantic – with poetry and everything."

"I ship it," Zoe laughed.

My smile faded and I shook my head.

"No..." I cleared my throat and forced my lips back into a grin. "Nah. I have a boyfriend back home."

"Really?" Clary grinned. We all walked over to a table and sat down. "What's his name?"

I smiled genuinely then. "Zach. We've been best friends forever, but just recently started dating. I - he's waiting for me back home. I promised him I'd be back." Tears stung the back of my eyes again – I don't think I would ever be able to think about Zach again without crying until he was by my side.

Zoe and Clary nodded seriously. "You're sixteen, right? Two more years. That's not too bad."

I nodded vigorously, even though my heart was screaming, 'Too long! Two years too long!'

"There is no divinity, so inadequately she hopes. There is no divinity, so inadequately she dreams," Parker murmured. We all looked up at him, but he just smiled and dug into his slop.

"He does that a lot," Clary explained, picking up asparagus and dipping it into her mush, and then biting into it as if it were the greatest thing in the world. "Comes up with random lines of poetry that he never fits into an actual completed poem."

Parker shrugged. "Too much work. Hey, Dustin! Over here!"

A short boy walked over, with spiked black hair and skinny but toned arms. "Hey, Park. Clare-bear, Zo. Newcomer?"

"Yup, this is Cammie," Clary introduced. "Cammie, this is my big brother, Dustin."

I smiled and waved my asparagus at him. I could clearly see the resemblance now – their thick dark hair and brown eyes with noticeable flecks of green. He set his tray of food down next to Parker and smiled at me, his teeth scarily perfect and white.

I ate in silence for a while, listening to their conversations and giggling at their adorableness. Parker nudged me under the table and smiled at me, and I smiled back. But a deep, deep pang of grief hit my heart as I watched them interact. They were so comfortable with each other – throwing peas and tickling and poking fun. Clary reminded me too much of Liz – Dustin too much of Tristan, Zoe too much like Bex, Parker too much like half of a Jonas and the other half a Zach.

"Two years, Cam," I muttered under my breath. "Two more years until Zach." I missed him like the moon misses the stars in the daytime. But this happens – this would just prove that our love was real. Being separated for two years and still being together – I think that's real love.

But I already knew what we had was real.

Liking somebody is knowing their good personality and their perfections and feeling butterflies. But being in love is knowing all of their inner demons and flaws and still – there are the butterflies. And right now, just _thinking _about him, the butterflies were in overdrive.

**Ohk, so last chapter I got a review from somebody named Krista.**

**Krista's review said: 'Has anyone ever stop and try to look at this from Cam's dads perspective... I think that maybe Cammie deserves to be treated that way.'**

**...Krista, if you're reading this. You need to get off the computer and sit down and rethink how you're looking at life. Honestly – no matter what anybody does or says, _nobody_ deserves to be abused. What could _any _child do to 'deserve' being beat every night from the people that are supposed to love them unconditionally? How the hell would you feel if your daddy hit you just because he was drunk and stressed out? I read your review and I had to re-read it several times to see if I saw it correctly. That was so ridiculous that I half-think you're joking. Are you done thinking about your perspectives in life? If you seriously think any human or any animal – especially a _child_ – could do something so 'terrible' to get a beating, then I would appreciate it if you would get the hell off my story and never read or review on anything I ever write again. And Cammie did _what_ in this story? What did she do to deserve a beating? That's what I'd like to know, Krista. Sorry to bitch at you – because I don't know you and what you've been through in life - but your review was truly disgusting and ridiculously stupid. Maybe you were having a bad day or something, I don't know you and you don't know me. If you didn't mean it, then think about what you say before stupid words come out of your mouth. Or in this case, fingers. And if you did mean it and you still do, then bye. I'm over this. **

**Onto happier notes, this chapter was a filler! Next chapter, many, many important things are going to happen. I'll be sure to upload that soon! Be a good kiddie and review on this oh-so boring filler for the excitement in the next chapter? ;D **

**But honestly you guys – I've hit over 400 reviews. You don't know how much that freaking means to me. Thank you so, so much. **

**I forgot to do a quote last chapter! Sorry, guys! But quote for this chapter: **

"**Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten." -Anonymous. **

**Honestly, guys. _Please _think about what you say before you say it. This past month – I've said some horrible things to one of my friends. And she honestly didn't deserve them. And I feel so terrible about it that I've had dreams about her sitting in her room and crying. Don't use words against others – you have no idea how it might affect them, you have no idea how much it could really hurt them. You have no idea what they've been through – how their family is, anything. So think about what you say before you say it. Don't speak unless your words are going to be more beautiful than the silence you broke. **

**Speak only kind words, and try to be a good person in life. Do you really want to bring a person down, possibly piling an insult on an already too-big pile of insults already and have them – in the worst case situation – end their life because of all of these harsh words thrown at them? Do you really want to be the person who everybody hates in the movies? The person that gets that 5 second thrill of slowly killing a person inside?**

**No. You don't. Words are the most powerful weapon in the world – please be careful with them. **


	15. Don't Let Me Go

_I ate in silence for a while, listening to their conversations and giggling at their adorableness. Parker nudged me under the table and smiled at me, and I smiled back. But a deep, deep pang of grief hit my heart as I watched them interact. They were so comfortable with each other – throwing peas and tickling and poking fun. Clary reminded me too much of Liz – Dustin too much of Tristan, Zoe too much like Bex, Parker too much like half of a Jonas and the other half a Zach._

_"Two years, Cam," I muttered under my breath. "Two more years until Zach." I missed him like the moon misses the stars in the daytime. But this happens – this would just prove that our love was real. Being separated for two years and still being together – I think that's real love._

_But I already knew what we had was real._

_Liking somebody is knowing their good personality and their perfections and feeling butterflies. But being in love is knowing all of their inner demons and flaws and still – there are the butterflies. And right now, just thinking about him, the butterflies were in overdrive._

**Zach's POV**

"Come on, Zach. Get up," Liz grabbed my hand and pulled softly, her skinny pale fingers contrasting against my long tan ones. I lay on my bed, my grey sheets tangled around my legs, half of my face smothered into a pillow.

I stared at her, no emotion flickering into my heart at the sight of her face. A few weeks back, brotherly love and protection would have swelled into my brain and I would have grinned and pulled her tiny little body into a hug, but now I didn't know what to think about her.

I didn't know what to _feel_.

So I laid there and watched the shadows of my eyelashes flick up and down in the corner of my vision as I blinked, contrasting with my white, dirty pillowcase.

"It's early, Elizabeth. The sun just started rising," I pointed vaguely in the direction of the window.

Liz cringed as I used her full name, but tugged even harder. I didn't even budge. "It's _setting_, not rising, Zach. You need to get up. Take a shower! Eat!"

I shrugged. "Not hungry."

"You've been skipping school for the past couple of weeks. You need to move around! Do something with your life! Just because you're separated from Cammie doesn't mean you can't live!" Liz shouted.

I yanked my hand from her grip and flipped over, glaring at the tiny little indents her nails made on my skin. Suddenly, I sat up and stared at her. "How would you feel if Jonas were taken away from you? Because you found out that his father was beating him, and that his mother knew all along? And you would come home just to have him run over to your house with bruises and cuts, crying, not knowing what to do or where to go? And suddenly he's just yanked away from you – and you can't protect him anymore? You don't know where he is or what's happening to him or if you'll ever see him again. How would you feel _then_, Elizabeth?"

Liz visibly swallowed, and she took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I don't know what I would do, Zachary. But you know what I wouldn't do? I wouldn't lay on my bed for over 48 hours straight, barely eating, and wasting away my life. You know why? Because Jonas wouldn't want that for me. How do you think Cammie would feel if she saw you rotting away on your bed because of her? She would _hate _that, Zach. So please, _please_ get up! Do something!"

I stared at her, her large blue eyes which were rimmed by dark circles, and the way she carried herself...as if she were shying away from the world. I realized I wasn't the only one affected by Cammie's sudden disappearance from our lives. I got off my bed and brushed past her, but she caught me lightly.

"Will you ever forgive me?" she whispered after a silent moment of hesitation.

I paused and thought it over. So many no's rang out in my mind, but I knew the answer.

"Of course. Eventually, I'd forgive you for anything," I croaked out.

And with that, I grabbed my phone off the table, a t-shirt and jeans, and slid into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I pressed my back against it and listened to her stifle a sob, and then pad her way to the door. I heard her breathing out there for a long, long while.

"Zach?" she asked.

I didn't answer, but I knew that she knew I was listening.

"Just...tell me when you do forgive me, 'kay? I...I miss you."

Then she padded down the stairs and out the door.

I slid to the floor and felt the cold tile on my tail bone, but ignored it as I pressed the contact number I was so used to calling.

It rang, it rang, it rang.

My heart pounded – was he angry? Was he ignoring me? Was he hurt?

"Hello?"

Grant's familiar, gruff voice came from the speaker, and I smiled a bit, remembering how dorky and squeaky it was when he was a kid.

"Hey," I said.

"Zach...how are you? I – why haven't you been at school?" Surprised laced into his voice.

I shrugged, pretending he could see me. "That takes effort," I joked.

There was a silence. "Do you wanna hang out tonight? ...Or something?"

I winced at his hesitation. A few months ago he would've just invited himself over.

"Tomorrow night? I...have something to do tonight."

I could practically hear Grant's ear-splitting grin. "Sure, man. See you then."

"I might come to school tomorrow," I said.

Grant laughed, his voice booming. "It's good to have you back, bro."

I smiled for the first time in a long time. "It's good to be back."

I showered and stepped into my new clothes, and I had to admit – I felt alive again. I practically saw the dark imprints under my eyes wash away with the dirt and oil in my need-to-get-a-haircut-hair, and I felt strong again. Not pale and weak and sick.

I stepped outside and saw that the sun had set, and it was the time in-between twilight and night. And I walked to my driveway, the fall leaves crunching under my Converse.

And I sat.

And then I laid down.

And I saw the moon, and I saw the stars.

And I laughed, because I was being so cliché.

But as I thought of it, Cammie really _was _seeing the same moon as me. She was seeing the same stars. And as long as I knew that – Cammie was whole. She was alive. She was _Cammie. _

And just that fact makes me feel an infinite amount better.

So I laid on my driveway and smiled at the stars, tracing each one with my index finger. And I pretended Cammie, wherever she was, was doing the same.

**Cammie's POV**

The door of the room most of the girls shared flung open, and Nicole stood there, panting, holding a phone to her collarbone.

"Cammie?"

I stood up from my blankets where I was reading, and walked over to her. "Yea?"

Nicole grinned. "We've found you a home."

Silence.

Shock.

I stepped back, eyes wide. I choked on my own spit and a mouth came up to cover my lips. Finding somebody a home here was practically unheard of – everybody's already lost all hope of finding a better living space until they were eighteen. They've accepted their fate. Gasps rang out behind me.

Clary and Zoe ran over to me and grabbed both of my hands.

"Who is it?" Zoe asked.

"Abigail Cameron, otherwise known as Aunt Abby to Cammie. She's already booked your flight. You're leaving. In an hour. To New York City."

My eyes grew even wider.

"New – N...New York City? An hour? I have an aunt?!"

Nicole laughed. "Yes, isn't this wonderful news? Get your belongings, Cammie, you're goin' to NYC!"

I stood there staring at her still, stunned.

"N-New York City? An hour?" I stuttered again. Clary laughed at me and grabbed my hand. "An aunt?"

"Come on, you have to pack!"

I snapped out of it and rolled my eyes. "Not like I have very many things to pack."

"Be ready in 15, I've already called a cab!" Nicole shouted behind her shoulder.

"I need to say good-bye to Parker and Dustin!" I shouted, running down the stairs and towards the boys' rooms. I pounded on their door and a few curses sounded from inside. There were a lot less boys than girls in the household, so they only had 4-5 a room while we had 9-10. Dustin opened the door in a t-shirt and boxers, stunned.

"Cammie?"

I flung my arms around his neck and squeezed his small frame tight. Like Clary, he was short. But his strong arms wrapped around me and hugged me back.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I – I'm leaving. Somebody adopted me, Dustin," I pulled back and realized I was crying a little. I didn't know what to think about this – too many conflicted emotions were raging inside my stomach.

Dustin pulled back, his face twisted with happiness. "Cammie, are you serious? That's amazing!"

I laughed. "I'm going to miss you so much..."

"I have your number. I'll give you a call once I turn 18 and get Clary and me out of his hellhole," Dustin smiled.

I nodded.

Parker came up behind Dustin. "What's with all this hugging? Physical shows of emotion aren't Dustin's thing."

"Somebody adopted Cammie," Dustin was still grinning.

Parker stumbled back a little, the same reaction as everybody else. "I – are you serious? God, Cammie that's – that's really incredible. When are you leaving?"

I tip-toed and pulled him into a hug. "...right now."

He pulled back, and Dustin let out a little choked gasp. "_Now_?"

Over the past two months, me, Zoe, Clary, Dustin and Parker had all gotten very close. They were as important as Bex and Grant and Macey and everybody else were to me – they were family. They were home.

I smiled through my tears as they finally tumbled down my cheeks.

"Yes, now. This isn't the end of us, Parker, Dustin." Clary and Zoe piled up behind us. I turned around and smiled even bigger. "Clary, Zoe. We _will _meet again, someday."

Clary smiled. "Is that a promise?"

I hugged the four of them tight, showing all my love with my eyes.

"That's a fact."

**Yay! So now Aunt Abby comes into the picture! [: **

**I know I _always _say this, but thank you guys. Thank you guys so much for your words of encouragement and your advice and your prayers going out to my friend and thank you thank you thank you so much, I literally love you all. **

**I love you all. Thank you so much for everything. [: **

**So the quote for this chapter: **

"**I thought I knew sadness, but nothing compares to this empty and helpless feeling I get when I catch you wiping away the tears you so desperately hide away. And I know it may not seem like much, but I truly do love you. And until the day your smile comes naturally – know I'll be striving to as well. I won't stop until your pain dissipates with mine." **

**Sigh. So, you guys. I guess it's about time to tell you some more stuff. I'm always talking about how _you _should change yourself, but lately I've been coming to realize something. **

**I had a friend. A close friend. God, we practically grew up together. Our moms were best friends. Long story short – his mom god laid off and our moms lost contact. For a while, we still hung out. It was me, my brother, and him and his sister. I'm the youngest of the group, his sister is a year older, and him and my brother are two years older. We love each other.**

**They're my siblings, too. And I love them, I love them so much it hurts.**

**Especially me and him – I was closer to him than I was to his sister.**

**And we drifted. And drifted. And drifted. Every time we see each other at school or anywhere we hug, big bear hugs. But that's it. We don't talk. Nothing. But I love him. And suddenly, somebody tells me that he's sad. And I found his Tumblr – filled with the saddest posts you could ever imagine. I hate it, guys. I hate how he's so sad and he hasn't talked to me about it. It hurts. **

**And what hurts even more? I think he's forgotten about me. I don't think he loves me anymore. I don't think he cares as much as I do. And this has made me so, so sad.**

**I want him to love me like he used to, I want him to surprise me with presents and pet me on the head and call me 'little sissy'. **

**So what I'm trying to say here, my fellow readers, is if you love somebody – never, ever let them go. Because later on – when you realize just how much you've drifted? **

**It's going to hurt. And when you realize that person doesn't love you as much as you love them, that hurts even more. **

**So I want to spare you all this pain – never let a loved one go, no matter how difficult it is to stay in touch – you're going to regret it later.**

**Please. Take my advice and consider it, because I don't want a single one of you to ever hurt. **

**And with that happy note,  
>I shall take my leave. Goodbye, I'll see you all next time.[: <strong>


	16. I'm Calling To Say I Love You

_I smiled through my tears as they finally tumbled down my cheeks._

_"Yes, now. This isn't the end of us, Parker, Dustin." Clary and Zoe piled up behind us. I turned around and smiled even bigger. "Clary, Zoe. We will meet again, someday."_

_Clary smiled. "Is that a promise?"_

_I hugged the four of them tight, showing all my love with my eyes._

_"That's a fact."_

**Cammie's POV**

**3 months later**

I sat up quickly, panting. Bruises littered my skin and a scrape down my left arm was starting to bleed again. Dirt was smeared all over my clothes and I groaned as I tried to sit up, leaning heavily against a tree. Bark was pressing into my fingers and opening new little cuts – not that I cared.

"You thought you could hide from me?" A voice came from my left. I shrieked and whirled around, positioning my body towards the familiar sound. Alarm and fear was filling me, from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes.

"_You thought you would get away from me?" _It was closer now, more threatening. Louder.

Footsteps came in a flurry and I shouted again and scurried backwards, running into another tree.

"Dad! No, I -"

"_Shut up!_"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" my brain was desperate, my body not wanting to get hurt _again_.

_An excuse can save your life, _somebody had said to me.

"I didn't have a choice! I - I love -" I couldn't choke it out. Whether it would save my life or not, saying 'I love you' to the man who hurt me for most of my life was impossible. My voice caught in my throat and it was silent as he waited for me to continue. Saying the same line I said to Zach to my _father_ seemed like I was betraying him. So I held my tongue. Let me die with my pride, with Zach on my mind.

"You what?" he hissed.

I stayed silent.

"Cammie?" a new voice now. Sweet and light and gentle – a girl's voice.  
>"Aunt Abby?" I sobbed. I ran blindly towards her voice, reaching out for her soft arms and the scent of her perfume. "Aunt Abby, help!"<p>

"Cammie, where are you? Come here, baby, come here!" she talked to me like I was 7, but at the moment I didn't care. I yearned for her sweetness, her gentle fingers, her nice singing voice.

"I can't find you," I sobbed.

"Cammie," my dad's voice sneered.

"Cammie," Aunt Abby shouted.

"Cammie."

"Cammie."

"Cammie!"

"Shit!" I gasped, sitting up, hitting my head onto Aunt Abby's jaw.

"Jesus, Cam, are you alright?" I saw her shiny eyes in the dark, her hand brought up to her jaw and rubbing it, the other on my head and trying to find any bump that had been produced by the collision.

I looked around, sweat falling into my eyes. I wiped it away and inspected the dark room – my room. In New York City, with my familiar bed sheets and the scent of Aunt Abby.

"It...it was a dream?" I whimpered.

Aunt Abby smoothed back my hair and kissed my forehead. "It was a dream, Squirt. It was only a dream."

I sat on my hands to stop them from shaking. "Oh..." I whispered. "Sorry."

The moment I had arrived at Abby's place – she showered me with hugs and kisses and apologies for never being there. I was wary at first – thinking it was all an act. I reflexively flinched away from her physical affection, only used to Zach being so close to me. But after about a month of that I learned that she was truly the most snarky, gentle, beautiful woman in the world. It was hard with all of this change, but the life I was living now was wonderful. It was marvelous. I had food and love and a good home and I could wake up in the morning without any worry about how I was going to hide my bruises that day.

The only thing missing was Zach.

It's always Zach that's on my mind.

"Scoot over, Squirt, or do you need all of this room for yourself?" Aunt Abby tapped my butt and giggled.

I rolled my eyes and scooted over, positioning the two pillows up so that we could lean back against my headboard. She held my hand and rubbed smooth circles with her thumb, her skin soft and cool.

"Abby?"

"Squirt?" she teased.

I took a deep, shaking breath. "You know that boy I told you about? Zach?" I still wasn't used to opening up to anybody. It was hard for me, talking to Abby at first. She was a talker, though. She wanted to know about my friends and my loves and my passions and just everything that she missed in my life. She didn't know that I was alive until the police researched deep into my family and realized that she was related to me.

"Mmmhmm, he's your loverboy," Abby nodded knowingly.

I chuckled. "I...do you think that I could write him? Or call him? I miss him...I miss him so much."

Abby was silent. "Now, Cameron. I know that you know that the police are highly against any phone calls from you. Phones can be traced, emails can be traced. The only hope we're living off of now to catch your father is the element of surprise. We've talked about this."

Tears rolled down my cheeks. Flashes of Zach's eyes, his jaw, his hair, his fingers flew through my mind. "I know...but please? Just..._please_."

It was silent, save for my ragged breathing and her calm one. Hope raced through my veins like blood – she was considering it. It seemed a little too good to be true, just the thought of hearing his voice again. It seemed as though Abby was thinking – thinking of the consequences that would lead up to this action. I grasped her hand.

"What are the chances of him finding us here? The chances of him tracing my phone call to New York City? He could be anywhere in the world by now! It would make me feel so much better," I kept rambling on about the 1% possibility of him finding us, and I guess Aunt Abby got sick of it.

"Okay, Cammie, okay! You can call Zach! But you get 10 minutes."

I was silent, and more tears spilled down my face. "...R-really? I get to talk to him? Please don't be lying, Aunt Abby."

Aunt Abby looked over at me and smiled gently. "Really, Cam. You really miss him don't you? You can call him."

A sob ripped through my lips and I put my head down on her shoulder, nodding. "Yea, I really do. Can I call now?"

"It's 11 at night, Cam."

"Please. I won't be able to sleep until I do."

Abby sighed and got up, giving me her cell phone. "Ten minutes starts the second I get out of this room. Choose your words wisely, Cam. Don't give away our location."

My heart was beating so fast I couldn't answer her. This was actually happening. I could call him. I could hear his voice again. The minute the door clicked shut, my fingers started shaking so hard I could barely dial his memorized number.

It started ringing. And another sob wracked my body. It rang again. And again. And again.

"Pick up pick up pick up," I whispered, rocking back and forth.

"Hello?"

And at that moment - I could've sworn everything was fine. The stars were out – not that I could see them through the smog of New York City. City lights were shining through my window. Taxis were heard honking on the crazy streets filled with traffic. People had lives and people had loves and people were everywhere in this city filled with tall skyscrapers and pedestrians who had no intention of following street signs at all. The sun was going to come up tomorrow morning. I was free from my dad. And now...now I have Zach.

"Zach?" I choked out.

I heard his breathing hitch on the other line, and I brought my knees up and hugged them to my chest. I said his name again, this time in a mini-sob.

"I...I don't think you have the right number. Because you sound a lot like my girlfriend right now but the authorities told me that she wasn't allowed to call until she's 18 but she's not turning 18 for another two years and - I just don't need any more false hope so I'm just going to hang up no-"

"Zach, it's me. It's Cammie."

More silence.

"I only have 10 minutes and I -"

A sob. "Zach?"

I heard a small sniffle. "Zach, are you crying?"

"Cammie, is it you? Tell me that it's really, truly you. I need - I need you."

"It's really me, Zach. I promise, it's really me."

"I thought you said you couldn't -"

"It doesn't matter. All that matters right now is you and me."

"How are you? Do they know where your father is yet? How was the foster home? The cops told me that you had an aunt who adopted you, but I'm not allowed to know where you are. Are you well? Are you eating? Have you made new friends? Everybody else misses you, but not like I miss you, Cam. I miss you so much I think it physically hurts me. I need you back - I need you back so I can kiss you and protect you and love you like I can love you and -"

"Zach, breathe." I chuckled. "Yes, I'm well. No, they don't know where my father is yet. Aunt Abby has a teacher come to the house so I'm being home-schooled, so no, I haven't made any friends. In the foster home I met four excellent people though, and once I turn 18 I'll introduce them to you."

I heard Zach taking deep breaths, and a familiar sense of familiarity and beauty overwhelmed me.

"Zach?"

"Yea?"

"I love you so much. And I miss you so much, like the sky misses the stars during the day. I need you, too." I whimpered.

I could tell Zach was taking that in. "Say it again."

"Say what again?"  
>"Say that you love me. I've yearned to hear it in your voice again, it's just been so long..."<p>

I smiled. "Zach, I love you. I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being there when nobody else was. Thank you for being you."

I could practically feel Zach's grin. He laughed, a deep hearty laugh that tickled the back of his throat. "God, Cam, I love you. I love you."

"I know. I love you too," I laughed. I was hugging myself, keeping myself in one piece. Because as much as I missed him, just hearing his voice made me want to touch him. I wanted to run my hands along his jaw and over his eyelids and under his eyelashes and over his cheekbones and over his stomach and I needed him. And talking to him just made me miss him even more.  
>"Cammie?"<p>

"Yea?"

"Sir Squiggles says 'hello'. He misses you oh-so very much."

I giggled. I've missed this. I've missed being playful and childish with him. Zach, the boy I could be 2 years old and 200 years old with.

"Why hello, Squigs! Mommy misses you very much, and she shall see you in 2 years!" I laughed.

I asked how Bex and Grant and Macey and everybody else was, and he told me about how they've figured out their plans for the future and what college they want to get into.

"I know what I'm going to be when I grow up, Cam," Zach admitted.

I grinned. "Really? Tell me!"

"...I think that...I think that I want to be a public speaker. You know – the ones that go around the world and raise awareness at business firms and schools and stuff like that? I think that I would like that."

"That's wonderful, Zach. I could really see you doing that."

"But...the only problem is...I need you to be with me."

I smiled. "You know I want to be a writer – like my father. Writers could travel. We can travel the world together and see new things and explore, and I'll get inspiration for my books and you could raise awareness of bad things and get people to help the world out so that it'll become a better place and...and I could really see it, Zach. I could see us together in the future."

"Cammie? It's been ten minutes," Abby knocked gently at my door.

My heart immediately dropped.

"I – Zach, it's been ten minutes. I have to-"

"Please don't."

I curled up even tighter, clenching my eyes shut.

"I have to." My fingers were gripping the phone so hard that they were white.

"_Please_."

Hurt grasped my heart and pulled it under, drowning it in a sea of remorse and regret and hope, so much painful hope. Abby knocked again.

"Please..." Zach whispered. "Don't tell me another goodbye."

"I love you," I whispered. "Just remember that I love you."

"I'll be waiting for you," Zach murmured.

And with that, we disconnected.

**Tears. So many tears with this chapter. /3 **

**But Zach and Cammie finally got to talk! :'D I know most (probably all) of you were looking forward for when they could see each other again. All in due time, my lovelies. It will happen soon, very very very soon. But they got in contact, and they're both feeling a little more full, now. They talked about their futures and they dreamed up a perfect life. And things are wonderful. **

**So the quote for this chapter is, "Be fearful of mediocrity." -Jonathan Ellery. **

**I'm asking you guys to never just shoot for 'average'. Try. Try your hardest at what you want to be in life. Whether it's a painter or a writer or a computer engineer or a biologist – whatever you're passionate about, never _ever_ let anybody or anything crush your dream. Not your parents or your siblings or your teachers or even your best friends. Ignore those who say no. Because what life is worth living if you're doing something you aren't even interested in? You get money from it, but for what? A small vacation? Then you're going to have to go back to that boring job that you don't love and that's going to be the rest of your life. **

**Be passionate. **

**Be loud.**

**Be brave.**

**Be strong.**

**Be marvelous. **

**Be loving.**

**And with that, just keep dreaming. It only takes you to make a dream become a reality. So let that happen – don't let your dreams stay dreams. Anything can happen if you would just let it. **

**I hope you all liked this chapter, and thank you so so much for all of your wonderful reviews! I hope you all have a wonderful New Year and had a wonderful Christmas or Hanukah or any other holiday you celebrated! Please tell me what you thought about this chapter and I will update again soon. **


	17. The Black Ribbon

_"Please..." Zach whispered. "Don't tell me another goodbye."_

_"I love you," I whispered. "Just remember that I love you."_

_"I'll be waiting for you," Zach murmured._

_And with that, we disconnected._

**Zach's POV**

My hands shook as I lowered the phone from my ear and forced myself to click the 'End Call' button. Fear and insanity gripped at my heart – what if I never heard her voice again? What if that was the last time? What if she finds someone else? What if she forgets about me? What if she thinks she's not good enough for me? What if she just moves on?

_What if her father finds her? _

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. I needed to stop psyching myself out.

"Cammie is going to be fine," I breathed. "Cammie loves you. Cammie called you. Cammie's okay. Cammie sounded healthy. She sounded marvelous. She still loves you." Somehow, that stopped my heart from concaving in on itself.

I looked over to Sir Squiggles, his plastic bead eyes staring back at me blankly. I clenched my hands into fists to stop them from trembling. A loud chime echoed through the empty house, and I raised myself off off the bed and opened the door, revealing a grinning Grant. His one dimple was shown on his cheek, and I stared at it cause I haven't seen him smile that big in so long that I forgot it existed.

And I smiled, a real smile – something that I've been doing a lot more often since I heard Cammie's voice. "Hey, man."

"You're lookin' better," Grant pulled me into our handshake, then walked past me towards my kitchen. I rolled my eyes. It feels as if nothing has changed.

"So..." I trailed, closing the door with my foot and following him down the hallway. Might as well just break the news now. "Cam called. Last night."

Grant stopped, his shoes making an annoying squeaking noise on the tile due to the still-wet weather outside. He turned around, his eyes wide and sad and disbelieving. He didn't say anything, just continued to stare at me with those eyes. I shrugged.

"She...got permission from her aunt to call for ten minutes. I – we didn't really say all that much, we just -"

"No wonder you look so much better," Grant's surprised faced melted and formed into a new one, a happy one, an ecstatic one. "Is she healthy? She's good, right? Is her new aunt treating her right? Geez, I miss her."

I really did smile then, grinning from ear to ear, leaning on one foot. "Yea, yea she sounded good. Real good. She misses all of us, too." I lifted my eyes to my best friend. We usually didn't talk so seriously like this. But this has changed us. It's changed all of us. Everything going on in Cammie's life really brought out the cruelties of life, and we're realizing now that even though we're teenagers in our supposed 'glory years', shit is still going to happen where and when we least expect it. So this time – we were ready. Ready for anything. "Just imagine, Grant," I continued, walking on to the kitchen and pulling out two water bottles, tossing one behind my back and hearing him catch it. "Two years. Only two more years."

Grant rolled his eyes around the water bottle. "Only?"

I rolled my eyes back and pulled out my vibrating phone. "It could be much worse. Bex wants to come over. Tell the others."

Grant grunted and pulled out his phone, texting everyone else to come. And for a split second - I forgot everything. I forgot about Cammie's situation. I forgot about her dad still on the loose. I forgot that she was probably somewhere half way around the world, and not in this small town we all grew up in. For a split second, it felt like old times again. Texting each other to come over and do nothing together. Then that second was gone, as I scrolled past the 'C's in my contacts list and stared at her deactivated number.

**Cammie's POV**

A week has passed since I've talked to Zach. Since then, I've been happier, better, more hopeful. The color returned in my cheeks and I've been eating more. Aunt Abby's noticed, I think, and she keeps smiling to herself. She introduced me to her boyfriend, Joe Solomon, who was a little too good-looking for a man his age. He ruffled my hair and gave me hugs and did everything that my dad didn't.

Needless to say – things were going pretty great. The home-school teacher comes by five days a week, from 9 in the morning to 4 in the evening. I just waved him goodbye and threw the pencil behind my back, sprinting to the kitchen to see Abby and Solomon cooking, arguing over which seasoning to put on the fish.

"Can I go out?" I blurted. I've been on constant lockdown, both of them always had an eye on me and I was sick of it. I needed some alone time.

They immediately stopped and eyed me. "Where?"

I shrugged. "I just wanna get some fresh – some New York City air." I stopped mid sentence and corrected myself, realizing that there was no fresh air around for miles.

Abby bit her lip and looked at Joe. He was still looking at me, his expression calculating. He saw Abby looking at him and blew out a sigh.

"Just be careful. And be home in an hour. And...put on a jacket!" he ordered.

I snorted. "Yes sir."

I shrugged on a jacket and pulled on boots, and stepped outside into the chilly air. I was immediately pushed down the sidewalk by the crowd, and I loved it. I loved being invisible. I loved being in this city where nobody knew my name.

I walked and just stared at the skyscrapers surrounding me when suddenly, something caught my eye. A little orange ribbon. It looked familiar to me, somehow. I bent down and picked it up.

And immediately stifled a scream. I jerked back up, tears immediately flowing to my eyes.

On it was Zach's handwriting from fourth grade.

I looked up, my eyes glazed over with fear. My breaths became short and my heart fluttered to my throat in panic.

This was one of the ribbons from the promise tree in my backyard.

My eyes scanned the crowd, looking for my dad's hair, the same exact color as mine. I whimpered, spotting another ribbon. I sprinted over to it, ignoring peoples' dirty looks. I picked it up, and there was my handwriting, the ribbon that made me promise to never eat dirt again because of the time I got sick. I looked around me, and they were everywhere. Dozens of ribbons getting stomped on, getting blown around in the wind, getting caught in taxi tires.

I imagined my father storming out to our backyard, ripping and yanking these ribbons off of the tree that's been long-dead. Clutching them in his big, violent hands. Reading the secrets and promises Zach and I shared. That thought made me angry. As if he had invaded our personal space.

"How did you find me?" I whispered, trembling.

Then I saw a black one tied to a street sign, right next to a coffee shop named 'Cammy's Coffee'.

Curious, I cautiously moved over to it.

Zach and I never used black ribbons – the Sharpie wouldn't show up on it. I slowly untied the ribbon, cursing at myself when I noticed how badly my fingers were shaking. They were like white blurs, and I clenched them into fists, digging my nails into my palm.

I slowly spread the ribbon out before me, and in white marker paint, there were three words.

_I've found you. _

Blackness seeped into my vision, and I stumbled back, my back colliding with a wall.

"_You bitch." _

"_I thought I told you to never talk back to me." _

_Hands grabbed at my neck, elbows colliding into the small of my back, slaps directed at my cheek. _

I couldn't breathe. My body was only letting me breathe in and not letting me breathe out. Panic swirled through my veins and I let out a small sob. Memories and flashbacks attacked my brain, making me see fists and kicks and everything all at once.  
>"Shit, what's happening?" I choked out. I slid to the floor and grasped at my stomach, and my breathing came faster. My hands were shaking so hard they were on the point of convulsions, and my vision was swimming. I saw people stop in front of me and stare, but they didn't do anything. I tried to breathe deep, but it didn't work. Air was a limited supply to me right now.<p>

"Hey, are you alright?" I looked over and saw a girl about my age squatting down beside me. She had big brown eyes and long black hair, which almost touched the floor, hanging off of her tiny shoulders in waves. She was so short her hair seemed to envelop her, like a safety blanket. Her knees were up to her chin, her eyebrows arching together in concern.

I tried to say 'I'm fine', but no words were coming out. So I just nodded.

She eyed me warily. "I think you're having a panic attack. Just stop thinking about whatever's scaring you. It'll get better, I promise."

A panic attack? I've never had one of these before – not even after my dad hit me. I've heard about them. Some girl named Natalie had these at my school, and I remember she had one in the middle of class. We all had to give her room as she was on the floor gasping and shaking and crying. It was pretty sad, actually. Was that what I looked like now?

I looked at her with wildly confused eyes. "Wha-" I gasped.

She looked up, locking eyes with a tall blonde boy. "Dustin, get a brown paper bag from a restaurant or something, please."

Dustin?

Immediately I imagined the slender, small Dustin from the safety home. That just made my breathing even more ragged, as I stared at the new Dustin run off and enter the coffee shop.

_"Oh, those scars that she hides with those stars in her eyes. Depression is like drowning – being pulled down by all those currents and not being able to breathe – oh, what is air, what is air? And everybody around you is getting air, but you can barely fathom the thought of it. Two broken souls on the cold tiles of a home for wrecked and destroyed children, in the wee hours of the morn', their broken souls tied together with a string of understanding yet curiosity, oh those scars that we hide so desperately." _

I remembered Parker's poem that he had made up on the spot – how depression was like drowning and we needed air. I'd never needed air more than I did then, not even when my father strangled me.

"Would you like me to hold your hand?" the girl asked, staring at my tightly clenched fists. Her eyes were wide and innocent, immediately reminding me of Liz and Clary. Why were there so many similar, amazing people in the world? The black ribbon was still in my hands, and I shakily shoved it into my pocket. She held her hand out, pale and small. I hesitated.

She smiled sweetly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. It's just that when I have panic attacks, I always feel better when Dustin holds my hand."

And with those words, I clasped onto her fingers for dear life. She squeezed back gently, her pale fingers surprisingly strong and warm. And somehow – that small stranger made me feel like the safest person in the world.

Dustin came jogging out of the coffee shop and crouched down next to the girl, who had been continuously talking to me. She was 15, and her name was Vanessa. Dustin and her had been together since eighth grade. She's had panic attacks since seventh grade, and he was the one who helped her through it.

"How's she doing, Ness?"

Vanessa shrugged. "She'll get better."

She gave me the brown paper bag and told me to breathe in and out of it.

I looked at her, and if I could talk, I would've said, _I thought people only did that in movies. _

Vanessa laughed and stopped squatting, sitting down directly on the floor, bringing her tights-covered legs to the side and smoothing down her maroon dress. Dustin came down with her, holding one of her hands. "I know, I know, it looks stupid. But it really helps."

I slowly brought the bag to my mouth and breathed.

And somehow, it did help.

I forgot all about the black ribbon.

I forgot about everything, and I breathed for the first time ever, inhaling and exhaling slowly and shakily into the musty smelling bag.

I've been drowning, and I finally got to breathe.

Vanessa grinned and patted my back slightly, making me jump.

Her eyes widened and she pulled back, biting her lip. "Sorry."

I shrugged it off and took the bag away from my face, my breathing more normal now. "T-Thank you."

Her and Dustin shrugged at the same time, saying, "No problem."

I smiled at them. They were a really cute couple.

Dustin stood up, helping Vanessa up and then holding out a hand to help me up. I faltered but grabbed it, feeling much better.

"What high school do you go to? Maybe we'll see you around," Dustin asked.

"Oh – I'm home schooled. I just moved here, actually, I'm living with my aunt."

Vanessa 'ooh'ed. "I've always wanted to be home-schooled."

"But then you never would've met me!" Dustin exclaimed.

Vanessa smiled teasingly. "Wouldn't make that much of a difference in my life."

Dustin raised his eyebrows. "I'm offended, Nessie."

She wrinkled her nose. "Don't call me that."

"Nessie!" he shouted back, teasing her and kissing her nose.

I laughed at them. They were freaking adorable. But sadness ate away at my mind and soul – they acted so much like Zach and I did.

"Look, I've really gotta get home. Thank you so much for your help, Vanessa. You too, Dustin." I smiled at them, my legs still shaking slightly. The black ribbon was still nagging me at the back of my mind. I didn't feel safe anymore - I felt too...out-in-the-open. I unconsciously tugged my sleeves down to cover my unbruised wrists.

"It's fine, we're glad we could help!" Vanessa piped up. She looked as if she wanted to go in for a hug, but just extended a hand instead. I grasped it, sending her another silent 'thank-you' with my eyes. I took Dustin's hand too, and then backed away.

I waved good-bye to them, and started walking home. I walked as fast as I could without running, and yanked the ribbon out of my pocket.

_I've found you. _

I shuddered, and now more than ever I wanted to talk to Zach. I wish I had saved my phone call.

I wasn't going to be stupid about this. I've learned that keeping quiet about things never helped. I shoved it back in my pocket, deciding I was going to tell Abby about this. Tonight. I stepped onto the condo's two steps, and stopped.

There, tied onto the doorknob, was a black ribbon.

**So there you go! I don't really know how I feel about this chapter, but I told you guys something big was coming up, didn't I? [; **

**The quote for this chapter is: "The darker the night, the brighter the stars." -Fyodor Dostoevsky. **

**So know that however horrible your problems are – whether they're minor or major or somewhere in-between, just know that those nights of crying in your bed will just make you appreciate the 'stars' in your life more. That best friend or cousin or parent or sibling that will always and has always been there. That stranger who smiled at you on the streets today. That teacher who actually pays attention to you and knows your name. You'll learn to not take things in life for granted, and to truly appreciate each and every thing that happens, because there's not a lot of good things in the world, yet some people don't know that. They don't know that and when all of their good things are gone, they're crushed. **

**So all you need to do is fight and be strong and get through it, and know that it is the hardest thing to do – know that it's not freaking easy. **

**But through it – you'll make yourself your own little constellation. **

**I hope you liked this chapter, and I'll update soon! Thank you, again, for all of your amazing reviews. **


	18. Guardian Angels and Growing Up

_I waved good-bye to them, and started walking home. I walked as fast as I could without running, and yanked the ribbon out of my pocket._

_I've found you._

_I shuddered, and now more than ever I wanted to talk to Zach. I wish I had saved my phone call._

_I wasn't going to be stupid about this. I've learned that keeping quiet about things never helped. I shoved it back in my pocket, deciding I was going to tell Abby about this. Tonight. I stepped onto the condo's two steps, and stopped._

_There, tied onto the doorknob, was a black ribbon._

**Cammie's POV**

I stared at the small piece of fabric, blowing gently in the wind. Not at all matching the emotions tumbling around in my stomach, threatening to travel up my throat along with my lunch.

"Abby?!" I screamed, throwing open the door, my voice cracking at the volume I tried to extend my vocal chords to. The door hit the wall and slammed back into my shoulder, but I ignored it, listening to the silence that occupied the house. "Joe!" A sob lodged itself inside of my throat and refused to come out, making it hard to breathe. There was no answer.

"Aunt Abby?" I shouted again, sprinting to the kitchen where I had last seen them. "Please, _please_ answer me." The clocks in the house were ticking too loudly, despite my desperate cries. And you know that feeling you just have in the pit of your stomach when you know that you're alone in the house – the one that usually has you closing all the windows at night and double checking your locks? It was there, and it was screaming at me to get the hell out before I got hurt. Before my father climbed out from under the table with a kitchen knife or something and finished me – for good. But I ignored my instincts and looked at our unfinished dinner lying on the counter, half-chopped tomatoes lying on the wooden cutting boards.

"Where did you go?" I sobbed. "How did he find us so quickly?" My hands broke out in a cold sweat and I felt my breathing go uneven again. My vision blurred and it was hard for me to form a complete thought. I remembered what Vanessa had told me and sprinted to get a book, pressing it into my stomach slowly as I inhaled, and then slowly moving it out, releasing the pressure against my abdomen as I exhaled. I did this for about ten counts, and then I straightened up, calmer now.

It was time I stopped crying and depending on everybody else to do the work for me.

It was time I became my own hero to my own story, because really – nobody else was going to do it for me. Nobody was going to charge in, saying Abby and Joe were fine, that my dad was already thrown into prison, that I could see Zach again. There was no Vanessa or Dustin or Zoe orParker or the other Dustin or Clary here.

My father had already found me.

He had done something – something I didn't want to think about – to Abby and Joe. And it was all my fault. Zach and Liz and Macey and everybody were safe back at their homes.

Now, I finally had nothing to lose. I _finally _had nothing to lose.

A slow smile crept onto my face upon the realization. All this time, I had been on this carousel, this cycle of abuse and violence and tears and heartbreak and self-pity. But the ride's over. It was time I built my own life, my own ride, made my own decisions.

I ran upstairs, not caring how loud my footsteps were – if he was in the house, I was welcoming him, a challenge. I was saying, 'Come and get me, because I'm so freaking done being afraid of you.'. I grabbed my cell phone, my wallet, a wad of cash from Abby's room, knowing she wouldn't mind, and packed a backpack, squeezing in my passport, clothes, and other essentials that I was going to need. A plan was already formulating inside my head, but I needed to do it quickly, before my father found out that I was home. Before he found out that I had finally gotten the guts to do something about my life instead of depending on others. He was probably thinking I was still the dormant Cammie, the Cameron Morgan who cried in her own blood on the floor of her bathroom as her Prince Charming walked in, the same Cameron Morgan who needed others to chase away her past.  
>Well, that Cameron Morgan was long-gone.<p>

I yanked the ribbon out of my pocket and stared at it, and then silently tied it around my wrist like a bracelet, the black contrasting strikingly against my pale skin. This was my reminder of fear. This was my reminder to be cautious. This was my reminder to be brave. This ribbon was a promise to myself that nobody I cared about was going to get hurt because of me every again.

I sprinted down the stairs, backpack slung over my shoulder and hair in a ponytail, and went into the kitchen against, my vision clearer, more calm. There was broken glass on the floor, the chairs around the tables placed oddly, as if having been shoved out of the way. Some cabinets were left open and the oven was pre-heated, with nothing placed inside of it. So obviously there was a struggle. A window was smashed and the back door was wide-open, a breeze blowing in, making me shiver slightly even in my jacket. A pang of sorrow and guilt hit me hard – what if Abby and Joe were hurt? They were probably so, so scared.  
>I pushed my emotions away. Think and plan now – take action now, cry later. Much, much later.<p>

I glanced at the number down on my hand, remembering Vanessa calling me back after I left to scribble it with her purple pen.

"If you ever need help – with anything," she had flashed me the sweetest smile in the world, making my heart hurt.

I held my palm open, my phone in the other hand, and decided it was the only thing I could do. I punched in the digits and hurriedly got out of the house, blending in with New York City pedestrian traffic.

"Hello?"

"Vanessa?"

"Cammie?"

"Hi. I know this is going to sound crazy, and I know we just met, but right now you're the only person who can help me, so please hear me out. Where are you right now?"

"Dustin and I just got home – is everything okay? What do you need?" Concern was laced into her voice, and I hesitated. Did I really want to bring these people into this? What if my dad got to them? They were just too innocent, too _pure_. I couldn't imagine them in my world, this world of pain and suffering and confusion.

_Well, _I thought grimly, _if this plan works, then nobody's going to get hurt. _

"I need you to look up the cheapest ticket to Roseville, Virginia. One that leaves within the week – preferably within the next three days."

Vanessa was quiet before the chuckled a bit, and then hesitated. "Wait, are you serious?"

"Dead."

"Okay," Vanessa repeated the instructions to Dustin, and I heard the tapping of a keyboard on the other end.

"May I ask why you need this plane ticket?"

"My past - I came here to get away from it. But today, I realized that it's been following me. And I know now that I need to stop running from it. I have to get rid of it myself, or it's never going to stop haunting me every second of every day. And going to Roseville is going to help me do that – going there is going to help me move on."

It wasn't exactly a lie.

"There's one leaving in two days for seven hundred dollars from John Wayne airport," Vanessa said, saying nothing about my explanation. But I heard it in her voice. I heard the understanding, the hope she was exuding for me. And for that, I was eternally grateful.

"Thank you so, so much. Tell you what – meet up in front of Cammy's Coffee Shop in an hour – I'll give you the cash and you use a debit card or something to purchase that ticket for me? God, I know it's asking for a lot, but -"

"Say no more. I understand. It's fine, Dustin's already ordered it. It'll be arriving in the mail tomorrow," Vanessa said.

I breathed out a sigh of gratitude. "Vanessa, there are not even words in the English vocabulary to show you how freaking thankful I am. Thank you so, so much. I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. You're saving me, here, Nessie. You're my savior."

Vanessa laughed. "It's really okay, Cammie. I could tell that whatever's been bothering you has been haunting you for – who knows how long. I can see it in the way you carry yourself, and that reminds me too much of me in the past. I just want to help, and if this is the way I can do it, then I'll do it."

**Time skip, 48 hours later.**

I handed Dustin the wad of cash, and he didn't even bother to count it. I could've given him 30 one dollar bills and he wouldn't have known until I left to a different state. He grinned and pulled me into a hug after stuffing the money into his pocket. "Be safe, Cammie."

I hugged him back. "A million thank-you's. You guys are my guardian angels," I cooed.

Vanessa joined in on the hug. "Call me when you have everything sorted out. I hope you catch your past and let it burn – bury it. Your future will be a good one, Cameron Morgan, I can feel it in my bones."

I nodded and waved goodbye, stepping into the plane. And then I glanced back, and locked eyes with the two of them. Them, holding hands. Them, totally and completely in love. Them, helping out a girl they barely knew and probably never will know. Them, on top of the world, giving hope to humanity. It's people like them that help me know that this life is worth living. So I gave them all my love and gratitude and hope and dreams through that one gaze, and they gave it right back.

The plane ride was uneventful, and I had listed out my plan in my mind. I fiddled with my cell phone, which was turned off, knowing right away what I was going to do when I arrived back in Virginia. God, the cops were probably going to send me away again. But they had to hear me out. They _had _to. I might be a 16-almost-17 year old girl, but I knew how to handle my dad. I knew him better than anybody, I knew his monsters and his angels – his angels probably dead inside him right now, and if they were still alive, their wings were tinged black. I knew how to handle this situation, and I knew how I was going to have him put into jail. Permanently. I shifted in my seat and jiggled my leg up and down, no doubt annoying the man next to me who was trying to read a book.

When the plane landed, I ignored the harsh stares and sprinted down the aisle, ignoring the uniformed ladies who were collecting the last empty cups from people, the first to get off the plane even though I was in the back, breathing in the exhaust fumes the whole entire trip.

I turned my cell phone on and a nervous feeling made it into my throat when I saw I only had 10% left. I had to hurry. The black ribbon was still on my wrist as I searched through my contacts for the familiar name.

I hesitated, but pressed 'Call' and held the phone up to my ear. Again – nothing to lose.

It rang four times.

I bit my tongue, squeezed my eyes shut and crossed my fingers.

"Hello?"

The familiar, airy voice came through the other line, wary and a little hopeful. I opened my mouth, but was too choked up to speak. Relief and pure nervousness made its way into my system at the exact same time, overwhelming me.

"Cammie, is that you? I thought you weren't allowed to call until...I mean...I even deleted your number to stop the temptation – the cops told us to. But I still have it memorized from when I had to call you from our house phone..."

I chuckled. Typical of her, to ramble when she was nervous.

"Liz. I need you to pick me up now. I'm at the airport in Virginia."

**Oh goodness, I'm so sorry for the cliffhanger. I'm a horrible person. I know. I know. I know. I just - I couldn't help myself. I made Cammie grow up a lot in this chapter, finally taking matters into her own hands.**

**But guys.**

**ZAMMIE REUNION NEXT CHAPTER. **

**Are you as excited as I am? Just thinking about it makes me kind of nervous and fluttery, even though I'm the one writing it. Aghh, I've been dying to write about them together again. I really hope you guys liked this chapter, please review! They motivate me to update faster, and who doesn't want to see that reunion happening? [; **

**Quote for this chapter: "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first." -Unknown **

**So I know it was Valentine's Day yesterday, and to everybody – everybody who is in a relationship or isn't, who is straight or bisexual or gay or lesbian – the key in a relationship is to have respect, for yourself and for your lover. You need respect to have trust and confidence in the relationship – relationships aren't just for fun, you do it because you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. You do it because you know they're worth it. **

**But first, you have to be worth it too. You have to love yourself before somebody could love you. They can't fall in love with you if you're constantly downgrading yourself – it'll just make them uncomfortable. So if you love the extra fat in your cheeks and the dimples in your back and the bulge in your stomach and the stretch marks on your butt and the size of your pants and chest and the size of your thighs, then they will too. And you'll love their own flaws as much as they'll love yours. Because to them, they won't even matter. They'll add to your beauty, to your perfection. So go look in that mirror, and have confidence. Hold your head up high. Everyone is unique – it doesn't matter if you're not curvy or skinny or tall or short or have long hair, it doesn't matter. All of those models in the magazines don't mean anything. If you are who you are, there's no point in changing it. So embrace it. **

**Oh, and I have a quick question – after this story is finished, do you guys think I should delete these author's notes? They're quite long and don't really relate to the story – it's kind of just my way of communicating with you guys. So tell me how you think about that – keep or delete the author's notes once this story is completed? Thanks for reading! **


	19. This Is My Kingdom

_"Hello?"_

_The familiar, airy voice came through the other line, wary and a little hopeful. I opened my mouth, but was too choked up to speak. Relief and pure nervousness made its way into my system at the exact same time, overwhelming me._

_"Cammie, is that you? I thought you weren't allowed to call until...I mean...I even deleted your number to stop the temptation – the cops told us to. But I still have it memorized from when I had to call you from our house phone..."_

_I chuckled. Typical of her, to ramble when she was nervous._

_"Liz. I need you to pick me up now. I'm at the airport in Virginia."_

**Cammie's POV**

You know those moments in your life that you just _know _are extremely important? You know that they could crush your heart or make your life or give you a thousand different opportunities to be who you are. You know that you're going to remember them forever. You're fully aware of how important the situation is, but the more you think about how important it is, the more...less important it becomes? You overthink and suddenly you're just a giant nervous wreck and you don't want to face the moment, no matter how good it may be.

That is exactly how I was right at this moment.

Standing outside of the airport with my small backpack, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. My mind flashed over my friends' faces, imagining how their reactions would be. Would they be rejoiced? Would they be angry? Hurt? Scared, even?

Then I thought about Zach. What if he found someone new in the short amount of time since I've last called him? What if he didn't love me anymore? What if he was angry with me? What if he didn't speak to me?

I mentally slapped myself.

_Get a damn grip, Cammie. Coming here isn't for you. It's for Abby and Joe. You don't know where they are and your psychotic dad is after you and it's all up to you to tell the police your plan and somehow make them help you. _

But those rational, selfless thoughts were washed out of my head when I saw a familiar car pull up. And my heart started pounding irrationally faster and my hand twisted tighter on my backpack strap. I pinched my lips together and stepped back a little, looking down. I saw a flash of blonde hair and I took a deep, shaky breath and peeked up from under my eyelashes.

She seemed to be doing the same thing. And seeing Liz there, in all of her shortness and shyness and uncertainty, standing there being completely her, I broke down. I stared at her for a couple more seconds, but then I couldn't take it. I flung the backpack off my shoulders, not wanting to have it slow me down, and sprinted into her five foot tall body. She let out a sob and snuck her thin arms around my waist, and I buried my face into her hair, inhaling her familiar scent. She was murmuring 'I'm sorry's and I was too, my face hot and sticky. We were just muttering incoherent things but neither of us seemed to care. The only thing that mattered was the others' presence, and right now, we couldn't have asked for anything more. We stood like that for a long time, rocking back and forth, gripping the back of each others' shirts desperately trying to convince ourselves that this was real. _This was real. _I was back.

I was back.

I shakily blew out a breath and and grinned at her. "Hi, Lizzie."

Liz just shook her head at my attempted casualness and grinned back. "I've missed you so much, Cammie."

I just bit my lip and squeezed her back into another hug. All of this time, I've forgotten how much I've missed physical contact. I mean, Abby and Joe hugged me, but it wasn't the same. I didn't really _love _them, at least not as much as I loved Liz and everybody else.

The feeling of her soft hair and her skinny torso, her big light blue eyes and airy voice. It brought all of the memories and feelings back and all of my doubts washed away.

"Take me home, Liz. Take me home."

_Time skip_

And again, the feeling was back. The nervousness. The shaking hands and breaths, the uneven heartbeats.

"Did you tell anyone I was back?" I asked Liz, looking at her face a little longer than necessary.

Even after the thirty minute drive I still wasn't used to having my best friend by my side again.

"No, you didn't really give me time. I – at first I thought it was a prank, and I was about to not come, but it sounded _so much like you..." _

"My aunt gave me a cell phone."

Liz looked shocked. "You have an aunt?" she exclaimed. I shrugged and told her I would explain later.

"Are you ready?" she smiled sweetly, taking my hand. I looked down at her and tried to reassure myself.

"I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

Even just stepping onto the porch brought back so many emotions and memories, and I realized that while I was gone I never really believed that I would be able to come back again.

And with that, she opened the front door to Zach's house, where they were all hanging out. Just like we used to. Just like old times. And I'm so glad that they moved on with their lives, that they were all happy with me gone, that they were still able to live. Liz told me it took some time, but recently they've all been getting better, thinking only happy and hopeful thoughts of me.

The first thing I heard when I stepped into the house was the piano. I gasped quietly and stayed frozen at the door.

Zach was playing piano. I dropped my backpack to the ground and already tears were blurring my vision. I thought I would get to Zach last – letting everybody else hug me before I turned to him. I thought I have would time to mentally prepare myself for the breakdown I would have when I saw his face.

But hearing his music was worse.

"_Don't wanna let you down, but I am hell-bound. Though this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth. No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed. This is my kingdom – come. This is my kingdom, come." _

Hearing his voice again, _in person_, as he sang, was the greatest reunion present I could've ever asked for. And they didn't even know I was here yet. It felt like minutes, but it was really seconds. Liz took my hand and squeezed it, and then led me into the room.

And suddenly all of the noise stopped.

Everybody was gathered around the piano, where Zach was sitting on the white bench. They all looked up and Macey let out a scream, and my heart sped up at the sound of her voice. We kind of just stood there, absorbing each other in.

I looked at each of them separately, Bex and then Grant and then Macey and then Jonas and then Tristan. And then Zach.

He was the last to look up. But when his eyes connected with mine his smile dropped and his eyes widened, his fingers stumbled and stopped completely on the keys.

"Cam...?"

Grant was always the bravest one out of all of us. So it didn't surprise me when he was the first to move.

"Oh my god, Cammie! It's fucking you, _Cam_!"

He sprinted over to me and picked me up, twirling me around and crushing me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted kisses over his cheeks, and hugged him tightly.

"Grant..." I was breathless. I couldn't breathe. I was too happy. I was getting dizzy and light-headed and all I wanted to do was pause time so I could even out the happiness and lay down and just think about everything that's happening because everything's so sudden and too much.

I heard several exclamations of my name and felt all of my friends sprinting towards us, each one of them ripping me off of Grant and placing kisses on my cheek and head, hugging me and crying and screaming and trying to breathe and asking questions and laughing and I started crying myself and everything was just so fast and heavy and happy.

Countless "I love you's" were breathed out and I said them back, waving away their questions as Macey clung to my stomach, and Bex held my hand. Tristan had an arm slung around my shoulder and wouldn't stop kissing my head, and Jonas was trying to fan away his 'manly tears'.

But then I looked up, and I locked eyes with Zach.

And something in the atmosphere changed.

It turned desperate, lonely, confused. But I felt it, the love. Not the friend love, the sibling love from everybody else. But the real love, the couple love, the romantic love. It was all spelled out in his face, and everybody felt it.

So they grinned and kissed me one last time, saying that I would have to explain later.

Then they left the room.

And for the third time that day, I started crying all over again. I placed a hand over my face and backed up a little, wanting to sit down but not near enough to a chair. I heard him stand up and slowly make his way over to me, but stopping two feet in front of me. I peeked through my fingers and saw tears on his face.

And that was all it took. I let out a sob that literally hurt my chest and made my way over to him, not sprinting like I did to Liz but slowly. Slowly, because I knew he was going to wait for me. Slowly, because I knew that he was always going to be there. Slowly, because he would catch me when I fell into his arms. Slowly, because our love was slow and soft and beautiful.

And when I got to him, I reached out for him and whimpered, and he let out a sob and finally moved, reaching out with his arms, which clutched my body to his, wrapping his them around my waist and ducking his head into my neck, peppering kisses over the salty tears that were falling onto it.

No words were said, but I felt it in the way he held me. He hunched protectively over me, shaking. I didn't know who was holding the other up, him holding me or me holding him – maybe it was both, but we both knew that if the other wasn't there, we would be on the ground right now. We were a unit, two in one. We needed each other to stand, we needed each other to be there, and if one of us were down the other would stand up for two.

He pulled away enough to pull his hands up to my face and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Don't cry," he murmured. But at the sound of his voice I started crying harder, but laughing at the same time.

"I'll stop when you stop," I said back.

"I'm not going to ask questions," he whispered.

"I'll explain later."

"Sir Squiggles misses you."

At that I threw my head back and laughed, and I felt him staring at me. Heat and warmth and everything happy and lovely was flooding through my bones, and I was practically vibrating with the felling of being complete again. I stopped and pulled my head back down, smiling gently at him. His lips were pulled up and he pulled me impossibly closer.

"You have no idea how much I've missed that sound," he whispered. I noticed then that he had gotten a haircut, and even seemed a bit taller.

"When I walked in today and you were playing the piano I nearly collapsed," I giggled.

Zach didn't say anything, he just moved closer and brushed hair back from my face, his eyes glancing to my lips. He stopped right in front of them, waiting for me. I felt his breath fan over my lips, I could hear him swallowing.

"I love you," I whispered.

He just shook his head and closed the space, and moved his lips against mine. Through his eyelashes brushing my forehead, his hands on my waist, his scent all around me, I felt it.

I felt him saying it back.

And in that moment, I've never felt more infinite.

**OH GOD SO THE REUNION HAS BEEN WRITTEN. I'm so sorry about the wait, but I hope this chapter makes up for it? **

**There is a very very big surprise in the next chapter, so I hope you all wait for that! An old character is coming back, care to guess who it is? **

**The song in this chapter that Zach shortly sung was Demons, by Imagine Dragons. They're a great band, if you don't know them go check them out!**

**Thank you all _so _much for reviewing, I'm over 600 reviews now! You guys have no idea how much that means to me. And to all of you guys who answered my author's notes questions, thank you. I'll keep the quotes, since that was what everybody wanted. [: **

**Quote for this chapter: "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde. **

**So what Mr. Wilde is trying to say, I think, is that everybody is going to have a bad day. A lot of people have bad lives. We're all going to have a break-up or a bad family relationship or a fight or a death, something tragic is going to happen. And we're going to feel lower than low, we're going to make mistakes and hate ourselves for it. **

**But what we need to do is pick ourselves back up. At least roll off your stomach and onto your back so you can _see _the stars, so you have a motivation to keep on going. You don't have to pity yourself and self-destruct because of the countless bad things that are happening. You have to keep going. You have to find goals and dreams and a home that you can chase after, no matter how hard it is. The only thing you can do is keep trying. **

**Ending your life isn't stopping the pain, it's stopping the happiness that you would've found in your future. Because it's impossible to live a life without happiness. Even if you try to avoid it, it will find you. In the weather being the way you like to a stranger smiling at you, something good will happen any day, anytime, anywhere. It's possible and it's going to come, the more you look for it the sooner it will come. **

**So look up at the stars, and then it'll be so much easier for you to be happy. I just really hope you are all happy. **

**Thank you for reading, and I'll try to update again soon! [: **


	20. Skyscraper Eyelashes

_Zach didn't say anything, he just moved closer and brushed hair back from my face, his eyes glancing to my lips. He stopped right in front of them, waiting for me. I felt his breath fan over my lips, I could hear him swallowing._

_"I love you," I whispered._

_He just shook his head and closed the space, and moved his lips against mine. Through his eyelashes brushing my forehead, his hands on my waist, his scent all around me, I felt it._

_I felt him saying it back._

_And in that moment, I've never felt more infinite._

**Cammie's POV**

It all came back in flashes. The rain. Zach and I screaming. Being tugged away from each other. The car ride with his hoodie. Rain rain and more rain, constant and horrible and loud. Thoughts of him, thoughts of him constantly, he was a memory that wouldn't leave my mind alone. Meeting my aunt and her boyfriend. Fear, fear of my father, fear for my father. Love, feeling love again with Parker and Dustin and Clary and Vanessa and her Dustin and Zoe. Fear again, for my Aunt Abby and Joe. Numbness, riding back to the house. Nervousness. And finally, acceptance. Love. Overwhelming excitement and relief and more love, more more more happy feelings and thoughts, being _home_.

I told everybody what happened in the past couple of months I was gone, Zach tracing circles on the back of my hand. Liz had left, saying she had somebody she wanted me to meet. I was confused, but decided that I would see whoever it was soon enough, so I didn't question it and let her go.

"Damn, how did he get the ribbons everywhere? What a sneaky little bastard," Grant growled.

"You must have been so scared," Zach kissed the side of my jaw, tightening his grip on me.

I shrugged and thought about telling him about the panic attack, but decided that it wasn't important, figuring it wasn't going to happen again. No need to worry him anymore.

"So what's the plan? How are we getting your aunt and her boyfriend back?" Macey asked.

"It's going to involve a lot of convincing," I admitted, playing with my fingers.

"Convincing who? The police?"

"Well...yes, them too. But mostly...convincing you guys."

They blinked at me.  
>"I'm not sure I'm following," Jonas muttered. His fingers were doing that twitchy jump they do when he's thinking or nervous, and it made me smile.<p>

It was really, _really _nice to be back.

Everything was so familiar - like I've been living in the desert all this time and was shipped away to England, and suddenly I've moved back to the familiar sunshine.

"I really did miss you guys, you know. You have no idea how much I missed you," I confessed.

Zach kissed my cheek this time. "I'm sure we do, actually," he breathed.

Bex rolled her eyes. "Zach became a total nutcase."

Zach scowled, but didn't deny it.

I wrapped my hand around his wrist, fingers not touching but almost. "Have you been eating? You seem skinnier."

He continued scowling, his lips set into a stubborn pout. "Have you seen yourself?" He wrapped his hand around my arm, and his fingers overlapped.

"No fair! You've got bigger hands than me!" I teased. The truth was, I hadn't been eating very much, and I knew for a fact that he hadn't been, either.

"So?"

"So that's cheating."

"I didn't realize we were playing a game," Zach stuck his tongue out at me.

I stuck mine right back out. "Real mature, Zach."

"Guys, shut up! Liz is back!"

I straightened up a bit, suddenly nervous for some reason. Liz's blonde head popped into the living room, and she stepped in. Her arm was pulling someone along, and the first thing I saw was blonde curls.

Blonde curls.

_Blonde curls. _

Blue, blue, blue eyes. Blue, electric blue, ocean blue, midnight blue, every blue there could be mixed into one blue that could only be described as...blue.

I gasped and shot out of Zach's lap, barely hearing his surprised question.

Blonde curls. Blue eyes. Tall. Tan.

"Cam, I want you to meet-"

"Parker?" I choked out. My heart leapt to my throat and wanted out, wanting to fly over to Parker and wrap him up in its thrumming love.

I looked up at his face, and he looked just as surprised as me. The room was silent.

"I - I don't...I don't understand what's..."

"Coonie?"

And with that, his old nickname for me he'd invented in the dark hallway that first night we'd met, I stifled a choking noise that was between a laugh and a sob and lunged for him, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly.

He pulled me into him, laughing and twirling me around.  
>"Why are you here?!" I exclaimed, laughing and crying and it felt as if everything in the world was good, as if all of the tiny little lines on a map connected and only lead to a good, nice place. "How are you here?"<p>

I looked at Liz, and then the rest of the room.

"How do you know each other?" Zach cocked his head to the side, slightly suspicious.

"We were in the same orphanage house, I met him the first night I was there," I explained. "Did you get out? How are Dustin and Clary and Zoe?"

"They're still there," Parker confessed, rubbing the back of his head. "But they'll get out. If they can't do it by themselves, then we'll get them out," he said, determined.

"And Little Lizzie here," Parker stepped away from me and wrapped an arm around Liz's shoulders. I giggled a little at their height differences - the tallest person in the room slinging an arm around the shortest person in the room. "Is actually my new little sister."

His new little sister.

Little sister.

_Sister_.

"You adopted him?" I shouted.

Liz widened her eyes. "I - well, my parents did, because they saw how beat-up and guilty I was about that whole thing I did to you, which I'm still so, so sorry about, I really did think it was for the best, I swear, and they figured, if we can't help Cammie, we can help another kid, you know? So we just went to the house and Parker was so nice and my parents fell in love with him and -"

I cut her off with a hug. "Thank you," I whispered in her ear. "You couldn't have picked a better person to adopt. You're forgiven. A hundred thousand percent forgiven. This is perfect. You are perfect." I pulled back and grinned at everybody in the room, squeezing Parker's hand one last time before slipping back to Zach. "You all are completely perfect. And I love you. I love you all." I rambled on, giggling and giddy off the high of being back, being loved, being _happy_.

It coursed through my veins like liquid sunshine, making me glow even though I haven't slept in over 24 hours, even though I had jet lag, even though I haven't showered in two days, I was glowing. I was alive as New York City in the nighttime, I felt _strong_.

"And she's so excited that city lights could take on the color of her eyes," Parker teased.

I grinned even bigger, somehow. "Still making up poetry, I see."

"Does he do that a lot? I've noticed that, too," Jonas laughed.

"Parker's a big ol' county poet," I imitated his accent.

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes.

I looked to the side at Zach, who's been quiet for a while. His face was stony, his grip on my hand a little too tight. I shot him a glance.

_What's wrong? _

He just shook his head. A muscle in his jaw popped, and my eyebrows scrunched together.

"But the plan," Tristan reminded me. "tell us about the plan."

"Right," I nodded, deciding I'd ask Zach what was wrong later. We all sat down again, this time me off of Zach's lap and Parker to the left of me, Zach on the right. He kept a hold of my hand and continued tracing circles, as if he never stopped.

"So, we'll go to the police station. As soon as possible. As in tomorrow soon. And my dad's been following me, as you all know from the black ribbons. And the goal is to catch him, right? Our goal, and the police's goal. But my _father's_ goal is to get me. So..." I trailed off, biting my lip.

"Go on," someone urged.

"So...I was thinking, that since he wants me, we should give him. Me."

"No." Zach but in the second I finished my sentence, if not before.

"No, but listen-"

"No, Cammie," there was a fire in his eyes that I didn't want to play with, but I risked it anyway.  
>"Zach, if you would just let me finish-"<p>

"_Cameron_."

After I got over the initial shock of him calling me by my full name, and in that tone of voice no less, I glared at him. "_Zachary_, let me _finish_. We aren't actually giving me to him for real. I'll just play bait on a hook. Policemen will be waiting outside and when he comes they'll just charge in and get him. Simple."

"Except for the fact that it is illegal to use somebody as bait in a serious situation like this," Jonas cut in.

"What if the bait is willing?" I asked.  
>"<em>The bait is not willing<em>!" Zach exploded, standing up, wrenching his hand from mine. "The _bait_," he spat the word out. "needs to start thinking about _herself_ for fucking once."

His eyes turned from green to black, like the clouds covering up the sun on a windy day.

"The _bait_," I spat right back. "_is _thinking about herself. Maybe the bait's boyfriend should try and look at it in a reasonable way!"

"_Maybe the bait should shut up and think about her actions for once!"_

"I _am_ thinking about my actions!" I screamed, standing up and throwing my arms in the air. "I've been thinking about my actions for the past _three months_!"

"Then think harder, because there's no way in hell we're going through with that plan!" Zach shouted, a vein in his neck making an appearance.

"You can't stop me," I seethed, my hands clenched into fists so tight I felt blood trickling out of the gashes my nails made. "I'll just run away and go through with it myself. You don't control me."

I was sick of it. I was sick of being told what to do. I was sick of having my life lived for me.

"_Cam_," Zach said, his voice stern. "This is too dangerous."

He cut off, and his expression became gentle, and desperate. "We just got you back...why would...why would you risk your life when we just got you back? Do you know what you being gone did to us? ...To me?" His sentence ended in a whisper, and he completely deflated, going from an angry, overprotective boyfriend to a vulnerable one.

I unclenched my fists, my heart pounding, this time from leftover anger. My eyes glanced down at his arms again, skinnier than they were before. "It's the only way. I'm scared. I hate this. I want it to end. I just want him to stop hurting me."

The room was quiet, and compared to the happy atmosphere before, it was tense, and brittle.

"We can do it another way," Zach whispered, stepping up to me and wrapping me in a hug. And suddenly, things felt okay again. "There's going to be another way. I promise."

I shook my head. "There _isn't_, Zach, there isn't. You have to let me do this. Please, please, please."

"Would you let _me_ do it, if our positions were reversed?"

I tensed up and thought about it.

I wanted to say 'yes', but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

There was no way in hell I would've let Zach do what I wanted to do.

"That's different," I argued feebly.

"No, it's not, and you know it," Zach growled.

I sighed. That was all I had left. A shaky little breath of air that I managed to get out, one that could express everything - exasperation, love, acceptance, annoyance, weakness. Everything that I was feeling.

"We don't have to come up with any plan so soon anyway," Tristan soothed. "You just got back, Cam. We'll keep you safe, we promise."

"But my aunt and uncle..." I whimpered into Zach's shoulder.

"We'll get them back too. I swear," Bex smiled gently at me, a rare thing.

I just nodded and closed my eyes, suddenly extremely tired.

"Let's get you to bed," Zach murmured. He bent down to pick me up bridal style, but I shook my head and climbed on his back instead, so I could hide my wet, hot face in his neck. He carried me upstairs after everybody said their good-byes, promises to come back tomorrow, and set me down on the bed. I reached out, and he immediately placed Sir Squiggles into my hands. I sniffled and heard the thick drops of tears hitting the pillow case. It took me a while to realize that they were mine.

"I love you," Zach climbed in next to me and pulled me closer, closer, closer. Our legs tangled together and I shoved my arm under his, wrapping myself around him. In this position, I don't know who was protecting who. Who was the weak one, who was the strong one. Which one of us was comforting the other, telling the other that everything was going to be okay. Our lips brushed together once, twice, and barely disconnected - I could feel the tip of his nose on my cheek, the stuffed koala tossed somewhere behind me so there would be less room in-between us, our stomachs touching, fingers locked together, a tangle of limbs and tears and air.

"I love you too," I said back, and never in my life have I ever meant something more than I meant that, right there, right then. "So much. So, so god damn much."

"I won't lose you," he said as I drifted in and out of consciousness. "Never, ever again."

"Is that a fact?" I whispered, lips twisting up in a tired smile.

"It's a promise."

**So I'd just like to start off by saying I'm so freaking sorry! I know I haven't updated in almost two months, but things are just so hectic! I'm studying for finals, and we had state testing, and projects and blehh I was just really busy, and I know that's not an excuse, so I'm sorry. I also had a lot of trouble writing Cammie and Parker's reunion, and I'm still not very fond of how it turned out. I had major writer's block and I'm just sorry. **

**But after all of that, and the long wait, I really really do hope that you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a little review and tell me your thoughts on it - your favorite part, your least favorite part, things you liked, things I could improve? **

**Thank you so much for reading, and I swear I'll try to update quicker next time. See you all soon, and thank you again. I love you all xx **

**Quote for this chapter: "A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted - mostly because I had assumed that there would be a thousand more." -Morgan Matson**

**I think this quote is pretty straight-forward, right guys? Life is fun. Life is thrilling and adventurous and horrible and hilarious and hard and easy and wonderful and marvelous. But once in a while, I think that it's nice to just step back and just..._appreciate_. Appreciate the sound of your father's laugh. Appreciate the way your best friend only has a dimple when she chews. Appreciate that really nice book sitting on your desk. Appreciate food. Appreciate water. Appreciate going on your first date. Appreciate friends, family, love, hate, everything in-between. Just take a moment, sit down, and just _think _about how truly complex and _amazing _life is - just a bunch of wandering souls looking for a purpose, in these shells that don't define who we are. I don't know, I think it's just a really nice thought. **


	21. The Ocean Is Inside Me

_"I love you," Zach climbed in next to me and pulled me closer, closer, closer. Our legs tangled together and I shoved my arm under his, wrapping myself around him. In this position, I don't know who was protecting who. Who was the weak one, who was the strong one. Which one of us was comforting the other, telling the other that everything was going to be okay. Our lips brushed together once, twice, and barely disconnected - I could feel the tip of his nose on my cheek, the stuffed koala tossed somewhere behind me so there would be less room in-between us, our stomachs touching, fingers locked together, a tangle of limbs and tears and air._

_"I love you too," I said back, and never in my life have I ever meant something more than I meant that, right there, right then. "So much. So, so god damn much."_

_"I won't lose you," he said as I drifted in and out of consciousness. "Never, ever again."_

_"Is that a fact?" I whispered, lips twisting up in a tired smile._

_"It's a promise."_

**Cammie's POV**

"_I'm goin' tuh fuckin' murder you if you dun' let me go right the fuck now!" _

I leaned closer to Zach, my eyes wide, and he tightened his grip on me, his gaze incredulous as he stared at the large, fitful man with his green eyes.

The man being dragged into the police station caught us staring, and he twisted his lips into a disturbing grin, spitting on the floor through his teeth.

"Lookin' at somethin', big boy?" he sneered to Zach. "I'll trade a picture for that pretty lil' looker you got on your arm there."

Zach snapped back into himself and immediately tensed, scowling and dragging me closer to him. "Fuck off."

The man guffawed, throwing his head back and laughing so loudly that everybody in the building looked up.

"I'd gladly fuck her," the man winked at me.

I raised my eyebrows and held onto Zach's hand as he snarled curses and insults at the man, rubbing his back to calm him down. Overly touchy men weren't new to me - I wouldn't be surprised if this man was friends with my father.

"It's okay, Zach. Let the man have his fun. We'll see who's laughing when he realizes that he's going to rot in a jail cell for the rest of his life," I soothed loud enough for the man to hear.

Before he could react, the officers holding the man's cuffed hands behind his back shoved him through a door, and Zach huffed.

"I don't like this place," he growled.

I laughed. "We won't be here for much longer, we're just here to pick up Jonas' uncle, remember?"

Zach shrugged, scowling again. He absentmindedly played with my fingers on one hand, rubbing at my cracked nails and running his thumbs over my knuckles.

"I don't like your plan, either."

It was my turn to shrug.

"Listen, Cam," Zach looked up at me, not for the first time today, with a pleading expression on his face. "Please don't do this. Please," he buried his face into my neck and sat down on a chair, pulling me onto his lap so he could bundle me up like a small child and pull me into him tighter. He sponged a kiss onto my neck and tickled me with his eyelashes. "This is dangerous. This is stupid. It might not even work! You just got back, your bruises have just started healing, I can't -"

"Zach, you _know _I have to do this. For my aunt and her boyfriend. Practically my uncle. They could be hurt because of me, they could be -" my voice got caught in my throat, and it felt like the whole ocean was suffocating me, daring me to voice my thoughts. Zach soothed circles into my arms with his thumbs. "They could be _dead _because of me."

"But none of this is your fault, sweetie. Cammie. Sweet, sweet, Cammie," Zach murmured into my hair, almost to himself.

A voice cleared and I opened my eyes, looking up.

"I assume you two are Cammie and Zach?" Jonas' uncle stood there, a briefcase slung neatly over his shoulder, his greying hair slicked back and white dress shirt tucked into his trousers. He had deep smile lines around his eyes and lips, and I immediately trusted him. I hopped off of Zach's lap, and he stood up, grinning.

"Hello, Mr. Anderson." I stuck my hand out for him to shake, but he grabbed it and pulled me into a hug instead.

"No need to be so formal, darling. You've known Jonas since forever, you both have. We're practically family. I've met you two before, you know," Mr. Anderson informed.

"Have you?" Zach furrowed his eyebrows, being pulled into a hug after I was released.

"Yes, at Jonas' ninth birthday party. You two were playing on the swings, and Zach, you started crying because Cammie was paying more attention to Grant than to you," Mr. Anderson had a surprisingly loud laugh, sounding more like a playful cackle than a chuckle.

"I remember that!" I snorted, playfully shoving Zach's shoulders.

"My eyes were sweating," Zach pouted.

"Okay, let's go home and discuss this plan of yours," Mr. Anderson opened the door for us, and Zach latched onto my hand again, walking to the car.

~^~  
>"So basically, I want to use myself as bait. My dad took my aunt Abby Cameron and her boyfriend Joe Solomon. I need to get them back - they are my main priority. So I'm thinking we drop an anonymous hint to some close friends of my father's that I'm back in town, and that I've inhabited my house again. I'll wait there, with police hidden around the house, which might be a bit difficult to have men 247 waiting for him to get back, so I'm not sure if that part's possible. But I'll wait there and wait until he comes home, and we can grab him, interrogate him for the location of my aunt and uncle, and then you can..." I stopped. And then what? What were they going to do? Were they going to throw him in jail? As much as my father emotionally and physically abused me, did I really want both of my parents to be imprisoned for the rest of their lives? Hot tears automatically surfaced at the thought, and I didn't finish my sentence.

"And then what? Do you want to press charges against your father?" Mr. Anderson asked, his tie on the back of his chair, his briefcase open, papers and pens spilling out onto the carpet where we sat in Zach's living room.

"I...I don't know yet," I whispered, fiddling with my hair.

Nobody decided to push it.

"You do know that this wouldn't be possible if you didn't have me," Mr. Anderson stated seriously. "No normal police officer, not even a police chief, would do something like this. I'm still rather reluctant -"

"_Please, _Mr. Anderson! It's the quickest way to get back-"

"Hush, Cameron, I know. That's why I'm going to allow you to do this. Even though it puts my job at risk."

I bit my lip. "Could you really get fired because of this?"

Jonas' uncle shrugged noncommittally, writing something down on a yellow notepad.

After a long pause, I exhaled.

"Thank you, Mr. Anderson. Thank you for doing this for me."

He looked up and smiled warmly. "It's no problem, doll. Are you sure you're ready for this? There might be violence, there will be stressful plans, there will be timing, there will be cases, there will be lawsuits, there will be questions and interrogations, there will be guns and running and hiding and it isn't easy like they make it look in movies and shit - it won't be a scene with flashing red and blue lights, some gunshots, and then it skips to the next day where the bad guy is in jail and the heroine gets away with a few scratches. People might die, your aunt and uncle might be mentally damaged, you might have to stay up all night waiting for your father to show up, you'll be in uncomfortable situations, you're going to have to listen to every single thing that an officer tells you to do, it won't be easy, Cammie."

I gulped, the reality of this situation fully hitting me.

"I know. And I'm ready."

**Time skip, two and a half weeks later. **

"Fuck you, I'm staying," Zach spat.

The officers were stationed in my house already, and if tensions weren't so high, I would've found the tall man trying to fold himself into my kitchen cabinets extremely comical. But tensions were high, so I didn't laugh. Besides, that huge gun strapped to his vest was making things slightly less hilarious.

"Zach," Mr. Anderson sighed, yanking at his hair.

"Mr. Anderson, you know I can't leave her here alone."

"She won't be alone! Jack is literally bending himself into thirds to get comfy with her bags of pasta in her kitchen!"

The tall man, Jack, grunted at that, and repositioned his leg so it would fold into the small opening.

I had to laugh at that, and I walked over to him. "Do you need some assistance?"

Jack looked up at me, a playful grin flashing across his middle-aged face.

"If you could shove my left arm inside the cabinet, that would be nice."

"Why are you the one that has to shove himself into this small little opening? I'm pretty sure you're the tallest one on your team," I laughed as I heaved his left arm into the cabinet as he groaned in discomfort.

"See that hole I drilled into the cabinet door?" Jack motioned with his head towards the open door.

I nodded.

"I'm going to be shooting through that. I'm the best long-distance shooter on the team. If he tries to escape through the front door," Jack pointed with his chin towards the front door down the hallway, which had a clear view of the cabinet, and vice versa. "I can shoot him in the leg to stop him from escaping."

I winced at the details, but nodded and gently pushed his head last into the cabinet. He was sitting indian style with his head bent a little low, but other than that he didn't seem _too _uncomfortable.

"And by the way, Cameron," Jack looked up at me best he could, his face grave. I bent down, ignoring the sound of Zach arguing with Mr. Anderson by the kitchen opening. "No father, whatever shit is going on in his pathetic life, has the right to hit his little girl like what your father has done to you. No father has the right to even have a single aggressive thought towards his baby. I hope you know that."

I blinked back tears for what felt like the thousandth time, and I smiled at him with watery eyes.

"Thank you, Jack," I whispered. "For everything."

He grinned and gave me a thumbs up, and I stood up to get him two water bottles and three bags of beef jerky. He sat with them on his lap and looked like a happy puppy with treats.

"Erm, call me if you need anything?" I asked.

He was already munching on his jerky, and he nodded, motioning to his walkie-talkie. I closed the cabinet, chuckling at the adorable man who would stuff himself into a small opening just for a teenage girl he's never known.

I side-stepped an officer making his way to his station in the garden, and joined Zach and Mr. Anderson.

"Cammie, tell him," Zach growled, exasperated. His hair was going in every which direction from his fingers, and I smiled fondly and reached up to smooth it back for him, and went on my tip-toes for a kiss.

Zach stepped back.

"No," he said.

I cocked an eyebrow. "No?"

"No kissy 'til you tell Mr. Anderson I can stay," Zach frowned.

I blinked. Then shrugged.

"'Kay."

"Cammie!" Zach groaned, latching onto my waist so I couldn't walk away. He planted a quick peck on my lips.

"Mmm," I smiled. "I thought there were no kissies?"

Zach shrugged. "Rules were made to be broken," he grinned cheekily, pecking me again. I rolled my eyes.

Mr. Anderson cleared his throat.

I blushed and stepped away from Zach, only to have him step towards me and sling an arm around my shoulders.

That was the thing with Zach now - he was very touchy, more-so than before. Not that I minded that much, but I knew he was just scared of losing me again.

"I don't know, Zach, I-"

And that statement of confusion - that statement of wariness and fear - that was the last thing I said before everything ended in disaster.

And everything that we had been planning for the past two weeks completely disappeared, like a flame in the rain.

"My, my, my, what do we have here?"

And I couldn't help it. The sound of his voice immediately triggered panic in my system, my heart sped to an uncomfortable speed and I screamed. I clamped a mouth over my mouth and tears immediately started spilling.

Over half of the police officers were just getting to drive from the station to the house, which was over a thirty minute drive.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, he was running towards me.

My father sprinted down the hall before Mr. Anderson or Zach or the other three police officers roaming my house could stop him, raised his hand, and slapped me on the face, using his other hand to roughly shove me to the ground. I screamed again, flashbacks invading my mind like angry ants. I vaguely heard shouts and the rough sound of the velcro being ripped open to release the guns off of the police officers' chests, but I felt a last kick to my stomach before a large weight landed on me and I curled into a ball, hating how defenseless I was being, which just made me sob even harder, and held my head with my hands. I tried to throw the weight off of me, thinking it was a table or something, but realized that it was warm and breathing.

I shrieked and started thrashing, but a familiar flash of green eyes and the familiar jawline came into sight, and I just laid there looking up at him, crying, not knowing what just happened or what to do. Zach had thrown his body on top of mine and was burying his head into the crook of my neck, soothing me, rubbing the spot on my stomach where my father kicked me.

I saw my father grab an empty beer bottle from the table and smash it over Jack's head, which was un-helmeted due to the little room in the cabinet. I screamed and wriggled out from underneath Zach, who protested but was too caught off-guard to grab me back down.

"_Cammie, stay down!_" Mr. Anderson screamed.

Zach sprung to his feet and shouted my name.

Jack fell to the ground, unconscious, his gun skitting away from his hands and towards my father's feet. I saw his eyes flit to it, and the only thought in my mind was, _Don't let him have the gun. Don't let him have the gun!_

So I flung myself to his feet, grabbing for the gun before he could. Everything was moving so fast, but so slow, details I've never noticed before popping out at me in my adrenaline rushed haze. Like the sparkly shards of glass that littered the table-tops, casting rainbows where the sunlight would find an opening to hit them. Like the cracked floorboards, a million little spider-webbing lines etching their way onto the wood. But suddenly everything crashed down on me - or, let's say, a foot.

His foot. It cracked down on my shoulder the minute I had the gun in my hands, and I screamed again. I shoved the gun behind my back as my father picked me up by my hair, only to drop me again when two of the three remaining police officers and Mr. Anderson grabbed him from behind. Zach caught me before I fell to the floor, my left hand cradling my shoulder.

Everybody was shouting, screaming, wailing, spitting curses and death threats, there were thrashing limbs and skidding guns and handcuffs desperately trying to latch onto my fathers' wrists. Zach was holding onto me so tightly I couldn't breathe, and he was trying to drag me out of the house, but I was resisting, mumbling, "No, no, no..." over and over again, grabbing my shoulder, I think it's dislocated, _thrum-thrum-thrum_, my heart was literally skipping, everything is going too fast, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I'm crying, I'm gasping, Zach is desperate and grabbed the gun out of my hands, I hold onto him, he holds onto me, he points to the fridge and shoots.

"_EVERYBODY FUCKING STOP._" He commands.

And surprisingly, they did.

But only for a second.

Mr. Anderson took that opportunity to cuff my father's wrists together.

My vision was getting blurry, and my breathing wasn't evening out. My eyes scanned over Zach for any injuries, and saw a large bruise on his left cheekbone. I whimpered and reached out for it, my hand shaking.

"Cammie, baby, I need you to breathe for me, love," Zach said. "I need you to breathe. Breathe for me, Cammie. You're having a panic attack, you need to calm down."

I tried, I really tried.

I really tried to breathe for him.

But this time, the ocean that was drowning my thoughts also drowned my eyes and drowned my heart, and I was on the verge of unconsciousness, and to be honest, I welcomed it. I didn't care.

"Find my aunt and uncle," I gasped out. "Zach, please. Find them _now_."

He looked at me with scared, watery eyes, and whispered something, but I couldn't hear him anymore. I couldn't hear anything anymore, except for my beating heart, a disastrous reminder that I was still alive.

**Wow yea I just did that to you guys. Thoughts? I didn't get as many reviews as I would've liked on the last chapter, but I guess that's what I get for updating so irregularly now. But I really do appreciate all of the reviews I _did _get, you guys truly are amazing. Thank you for reading and _please _tell me how you feel about this chapter! There will probably be the next chapter as the last one, and an epilogue, so this fateful story is coming to a quick close. I will try to update as soon as I can, please review! Thank you for reading, I really do appreciate it. **

**So the quote for this chapter is: Isn't it ironic how we kill flowers because we think they are beautiful, but we kill ourselves because we think that we are not? -Unknown **

**And oh my goodness this quote is just beautiful, because it was the most true thing I've ever read in my entire life. **

**So to all you guys out there who think you are ugly, or fat, or too skinny, or not beautiful, or plain, or average - stop. Stop comparing yourselves to others, stop thinking that nobody is going to ever love you, because trust me, I get it. I feel like all of those things every single day. But the thing is - these feelings aren't going to help us at all. **

**Literally the only way you can be happy is to look in the mirror, and pick out some things you like about yourself. You can like your bellybutton, or your hair, or your eyes, whatever - but just pick something to be confident in. Be confident, and be nice, and be fair and unique, and I promise you that you will be happy. Just don't beat yourself up - literally and figuratively - over the way you look, because as nice as being confident is, does it really matter? **

**What really does matter, is on the inside, and as stupid and cheesy as that sounds, I realize now that it is completely true. Because a pretty face with an ugly heart has nothing against an average face and a beautiful heart. Nothing. **


	22. Thank You For Finding My Heart

**I STRONGLY RECOMMEND RE-READING CHAPTER 9 SO THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE LAST PART OF THIS CHAPTER. THE IMPACT WILL BE A LOT STRONGER AND YOU WILL BE EMOTIONAL SO YES GO READ IT RUN ALONG AND THEN COME BACK. ENJOY!**

_"Cammie, baby, I need you to breathe for me, love," Zach said. "I need you to breathe. Breathe for me, Cammie. You're having a panic attack, you need to calm down."_

_I tried, I really tried._

_I really tried to breathe for him._

_But this time, the ocean that was drowning my thoughts also drowned my eyes and drowned my heart, and I was on the verge of unconsciousness, and to be honest, I welcomed it. I didn't care._

_"Find my aunt and uncle," I gasped out. "Zach, please. Find them ___now___."_

_He looked at me with scared, watery eyes, and whispered something, but I couldn't hear him anymore. I couldn't hear anything anymore, except for my beating heart, a disastrous reminder that I was still alive._

**Cammie's POV**

_Hello world, hope you're listening...  
>forgive me if I'm young,<br>or speaking out of turn.  
>There's someone I've been missing -<br>I think that they could be  
>the better half of me.<br>They're in the wrong place  
>trying to make it right,<br>and I'm tired of justifying.  
>So I'll say to you:<br>come home, come home.  
>Cause I've been waiting for you<br>for so long, so long.  
>Right now there's a war between the vanities,<br>but all I see  
>is you and me,<br>the fight for you  
>is all I've ever known...<br>so come home.  
>I get lost in the beauty<br>of everything I see,  
>the world ain't half as bad<br>as they paint it to be.  
>If all the sons -<br>all the daughters  
>stopped to take it in,<br>well hopefully the hate subsides  
>and the love can begin.<br>It might start now, yea,  
>or maybe I'm just dreaming out loud.<br>Everything I can't be  
>is everything you should be.<br>And that's why I need you here...  
>Everything I can't be<br>is everything you should be.  
>And that's why I need you here.<br>So hear this now:  
>come home,<br>come home.  
>Cause I've been waiting for you<br>for so long,  
>for so long.<br>Right now there's a war between the vanities,  
>but all I see<br>is you and me.  
>The fight for you is all I've ever known...<br>so come home,  
>come home. <em>

The piano trailed off, and I opened my eyes. Groggy and disorientated, I wished for the piano and singing to start up again, but it never did. I moaned in distaste, and coughed.

"Zach?"

The sound of his piano bench squeaked and I heard footsteps, messing up the rhythmic pounding deep in my skull.

"Cammie, you're awake," Zach kneeled over the sofa and kissed my neck chastely. I felt the rough pads of his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the skin in-between my shirt and jeans.

I smiled. "Was that you singing?"

"It was." Zach grinned back, and I raised a trembling hand to his cheek, tracing his jawline with my pointer finger.

"Did you write that song?" I whispered.

"For you," Zach closed his eyes and leaned his head into my hand.

"It's beautiful."

"It's yours."

The heat of his hands traveled up and down my arms, shocking me with his immense body heat.

"I wrote it while you were gone. It's ironically easy to write beautiful things when you're feeling so tragic on the inside."

I blinked the sleep some more out of my eyes and nodded.

"Are you okay?" he murmured, swiping hair off my face and entwining his fingers with mine.

"My head hurts, but other than that, I'm fine," I tried to sit up, wiggling around, and he supported my back with one arm as he reached over and got a glass of water from the coffee table.

"I didn't know you had panic attacks," Zach frowned, slipping onto the sofa beside me, the creases in the leather underneath us matching the ones in-between his eyebrows and on his forehead.

"They started when I was...gone."

A muscle popped in Zach's jaw, but he took my now-empty water cup and placed it on the table again.

"Where's my dad?" I whispered.

"In jail."

"Already?"

"Jonas' uncle sped up the process a bit."

"How long will he be in there?"

"Twenty to thirty years, give or take."

"What about my aunt? My uncle?"

"They were found unconscious in a room of a motel your father was staying at in New York. Joe had slashes on his arms and stomach, they both had severe bruises and some internal bleeding, your aunt has a broken leg. Nothing fatal, though."

Relief swelled through me like a hurricane ripping through flat land. A hysterical sob burst through my lips, and Zach immediately pulled me onto his lap.

"So everything's okay? You're okay? And my aunt and uncle are okay? A-and the policemen are okay? And Jonas' uncle is okay?"

Zach kept his lips pressed to my temple. "Everything's okay, baby, everyone's okay. You're okay, aren't you? Are _you _okay?"

_Was _I okay? After years and years of fighting, of trying to swim against the current, of trying to stay dry in a constant downpour of relentless rain, of trying to breathe while being smothered by darkness and hatred, was I okay? _Should _I be okay? What should I be?

"It's okay, Cam," Zach whispered.

"I just don't know how I should be," I whispered back.

"You shouldn't be anything. How _are _you? You, truly, now how you _should _be, but what you are?"

"I – I'm..." I smiled, a sigh blowing out from my lips. "Well you're here with me, so..."

I looked up and grinned at him, and I felt my eyes creasing up at the corners. He blinked and grinned back, smile lines, teeth and everything. He bent down and attacked my face with nose bumps and kisses, and I laughed.

"You're damn adorable," he gently bit my cheek.

"Owie," I muttered, kissing the spot where his jaw met his neck.

"Can I go see my aunt and uncle?"

"Of course. But first...I wanted to ask you something."

I pulled back and blinked at him, surprised at the sudden change in demeanor."

"Okay."

Zach twisted me so that I was facing him, and he rubbed his hands up and down my back, gently and slowly twisting the knots out of my hair.

"Do you ever think about your future?"

I nodded, confused. "Of course."

"What happens?"

"I – well, I want to go to college," I started. "And get married, have kids, get a job I truly love. I want...I want a house. With a swimming pool, and a big backyard. And I want three cats."

Zach grinned, shaking his head.

"And what about me?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

I blinked. "What about you?"

"Am I..." he licked his lips and swallowed, looking down and playing with our hands. "Am I in it? Your future, I mean."

My heart fluttered and a blush crept onto my cheeks, eating away my pale complexion and coloring me pink. "I...I mean – do you want to be? Would you want to be in my future?"

"Of course," Zach looked up and blinked, his eyes so green that it shocked me for a second. "Of course I want to be in your future."

We were silent for a while, and I clasped my hands together behind his back.

"I want you to be in my future too," I whispered. "For the rest of my future, I want you in it. The whole time."

Zach grinned then, so big that I swear I could see the sun peeking out from underneath his skin, I could see stars clustering together on the end of his eyelashes, I could see my future on his lips, in his eyes, on his cheeks, carved into the lines of his jaw. I could see it all. I could see him kissing me when he got home from work, loosening his shirt sleeves and tie, I could see him kissing me goodnight and good-morning, I could see him calling me while he was away on a business trip, I could see us having a child, I could see him playing catch with a little boy and cooing to a little girl in his arms, I could see everything. And what I saw was beautiful, it was _everything _I've ever wanted to see.

"And you in mine," he murmured back, his head shaking slightly, exhaling. "I want you in mine, forever."

"Forever," I nodded.

Zach's hands shook as he reached up and unwound my arms from around his neck. "Cammie?"

"Zach?"

"You know I love you, right? With all my heart. More than I've ever loved anything on this whole fucking earth."

I grinned. "And I, you."

"So I have to ask..." he slid off the couch and yanked the blanket onto the floor, shoving it to the side with his foot. He took my hands and scooted me forward so I was sitting upright and on the edge of the seat.

Then, ladies and gentlemen, Zachary Goode proceeded to bend down onto one knee in front of me.

I'd like to say I did something cute or expected, like clasping a hand over my mouth or smiling, gasping or even completely going silent.

But no.

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes and my body shook with sobs, and I even think I let out a little scream.

I heard Zach chuckle and he dug around in his pocket, and pulled out a black velvet box. I was shaking my head, disbelief coloring my veins. Tears streamed down my cheeks, endless streams that embarrassed me to no end.

"Cameron Morgan, I want you in my future, forever and always. I want to be in your future, through every little thing. We've already overcome what most people wouldn't be able to – I know that you will stick by my side, even through hardship, through problems, through sorrows, and I promise that I will stick by you, even when things start to become disastrous. If the world around us becomes a hurricane of grief and sorrow, I wouldn't change a damn thing, because I would have you by my side. And I swear to you, Cammie, that you would be enough. You are the only thing I need in life. Forever and then some. Cam, will you marry me?"

He opened the box to reveal a ring, and smiled tentatively up at me, a look that was unfamiliar on his usually confident face. Sobs were still wracking through my body, but somehow I managed to nod.

And he smiled that smile again, the smile that allowed me to see my future with him, the smile that reminded me of the sun, and he slipped the ring onto my finger.

And for once, _for once in my life_, everything in my life...was perfect.

**FOUR YEARS LATER**

Applause erupted around us as Zach finished singing 'Come Home', and he peeked up at me through his lashes, grinning his sun-smile, and I smiled at him. I smiled at him and I cried and I smoothed out my long white dress. He stood up, his tall frame fit into a black suit, and took a seat.

And then I proceeded to go up to the stage. I looked out at everybody I cared about, in their carefully picked dresses. I looked at Bex, Liz and Macey, my bridesmaids, I looked at Grand, Jonas and Tristan, all smiling from their seats, I saw Aunt Abby and Uncle Joe, holding hands and grinning from ear to ear –I saw Dustin and Vanessa, Clary and her brother Dustin, I saw Zoe and Parker (who were together now, by the way) - I saw everybody that mattered to me.

"Hi," I started out lamely. The microphone squeaked and I cringed, and the crowd laughed at me.

"Get it together, girl!" Bex shouted from her seat. I shot her a quick glare and cleared my throat.

"I really don't know how to start this. I'm not one-with-my-words like Zach over there. And I've practiced this speech in the mirror about a thousand times last night. Do you know how many times I got through it without stumbling or forgetting what I needed to say? Absolutely zero. Not one time. And now I wish that Zach let me get through this first, because compared to his song for me, I'm going to sound like an absolute idiot."

The crowd laughs.

I stutter and look down, but then gather confidence and smile, looking up at Zach again, Zach and only Zach.

"Zachary Goode. I could stand up here for days and weeks and months and years and list every single thing that I love about you. I would say that I loved your eyes, and that smile you only show to me, I would say I loved the way you kiss me good morning, I would say that I love the way you play around with me and cuddle with Sir Squiggles. But I'm pretty sure nobody would want to sit through that, and frankly, you probably already know. So I decided that my wedding speech was going to be a bit different. It's not really going to be a speech, I guess."

I gulped. I saw Zach smile encouragingly at me, and that was all I needed to go on.

"Zach..." Tears immediately welled up in my eyes, and I willed them back, annoyed at myself. "Thank you. So very much. For everything. Four years ago, I was in a dark place. I was in a little bubble, a dark, painful bubble, full of insults and clenched fists, full of stale alcohol and locked doors. But then you...you came along one day, and you pushed yourself into my little bubble, and somehow you wrapped yourself around me and pulled me out of it. You showed me the sunlight, and you showed me that sometimes it's okay to sit in the dark for a while, as long as I remember how to get out of it when I need to. You not only showed me how to stand in the rain without minding it, but how to dance in it. You showed me how to stand in the dark without being afraid. People can lift their hands towards me now without me flinching. You've helped me _so _much and you don't even know. And I can't thank you enough for that. You will never, _ever _know how highly I hold you in my heart. You will never know how dear you are to me. You will never know how much you taught me how to save myself. You will never know...Zach, it hurts me. It hurts me that you will never know how much you mean to me, how much _this,_" I waved my arms around at the wedding ceremony. "means to me. How much you loving me means to me. And sometimes I just lay down and smile because you _love _me, and I love you back, and it's just...it's surprising and marvelous and it's the most perfect thing for me. It's the only thing I need. You're the only thing I will ever want or need, that I can promise you. So, Zachary Goode, are you listening?"

He was smiling gently, and he nodded. "I'm listening."

"Come up here."

Zach slowly stood from his chair and walked up onto the stage, and I shoved the microphone away and stepped closer to him. He wound his arms around my waist and kissed the crown of my head. The crowd murmured, but I ignored them. This was me and Zach, Zach and I, this was us, and for us only.

I looked up at him, and blue met green, and blended together, like an ocean. Wild and passionate and right. But I was no longer drowning in this ocean. I was swimming in it, I was floating, and I was being carried on a current that led me to Zach, to love, to a future. And I loved it. I loved the wild waters and the ice cold current. Zach and I were the ocean, unbreakable, unchangeable, and constant.

"Thank you for finding my heart."

**I've decided to combine the last chapter and the epilogue, and this was it. This is the very very last chapter of Abused. And now I can finally mark this story as 'Complete'. And you have no idea how much this means to me. To all of you – to those who might have started this story today, or to the ones who have been with me since the day I posted the very first chapter – thank you so much. Thank you so much. My friend and I got a happy ending, and I thank everybody who cared enough to ask. We got a happy ending, and so did Cammie and Zach. Thank you for sticking with me, reviewing, favoriting, thank you for everything. **

**And so, the last author's note, will of course have a quote: Keep going. **

**I guess it's not a quote, but I wanted to end it like this. Just because this story came to an end, doesn't mean that everything else should have an ending, too. **

**If you are struggling, if you are sad, if you are going through something so extremely difficult that it seems as if ending everything would be the better option – keep going. **

**If you are hopeless, if you are lost, if you think that you have nobody – keep going. **

**If you are crying every day, if you think you have no friends, if you think you are too skinny or too chubby, if you think you're too stupid or too smart – keep going. **

**If you don't have a good relationship with your parents, if someone is hurting you physically or emotionally, if you've just been through a bad breakup – keep going. **

**If you've made a couple mistakes, if you've said the wrong thing, if you've embarrassed yourself horribly in public – keep going. **

**Keep going keep going keep going keep going keep going, no matter what.**

**Because I _promise _each and every one of you that if you keep going – in the future, you will thank yourself. You will thank yourself for not giving up. Because when you're at the lowest of the lows, you know what happens? The only direction you can go is up. When you're beaten down to the ground, there's nothing else to do but stand up and smile as you do it. **

**You will find love. You will find somebody who cares for you. You will find a passion.**

**You will find yourself.**

**And you will love yourself.**

**You will love others.**

**And others will love you.**

**So to everybody, to each and every single one of you, I'm leaving you with one last thing that I hope you will remember forever: keep going. **


End file.
